The New M.E. Generation











“You studied journalism and then went to medicine?” asked I in a very contradictory tone. “They’re total opposite careers. How did that happen?”

“Like I said, I’ve always wanted to do many things although my final goal has always been to be a doctor and I know how to get to that, which I’m currently doing.”

I was listening to him, but my mind was wandering back to the past. Truth was, I felt envious of him. It was one of those moments where I felt I wished I could go back in time and experience his life.

I try not to think about it, but every so often I wonder what my life would be today if I had done it all differently. For sure, I wouldn’t be sitting with this guy questioning myself as to what am I doing.

“So, how’s your experience with the dating site?” asked he.

“Well, it’s an outcome that I wasn’t expecting. I’m getting contacted by many 20 and 40-something guys. Barely any in their 30’s.

Those my age look really old or worn out in comparison to me. Then those in their 20’s are good looking, but I want something long term.”

“So why did you agree to go out with me?”

“I just wanted to have an experience just like you. I know this is not to lead to anything. You and I want different things.”

“I plan to keep visiting it. I don’t do it full-time, just when I feel like it. I’m also getting contacted my military guys.”

“You shouldn’t get involved with those,” said he very seriously.

“I have a very good friend who is about to go serve. I know for a fact that they don’t come back the way they were. I respect him, but wished he wouldn’t do it.”

“You know what, everything’s a risk in life. Having a relationship with someone in the service is not the norm and the distance in-between even more. But I do know that there’s no way they could cheat on me and they’re very appreciative of people being supportive of them. Besides, I’m not involved with any one of them right now. Just considering that option if it were to happen.”

“I still think you shouldn’t do it.”

“And how much do you know about having a serious relationship? Have you ever been in one at that level? If there’s someone who has learned about this the hard way is myself.”

Of course, this guy looked at me with a face that he hasn’t been in one. The way he has described his life clearly shows he has concentrated his efforts in his future career.

And talking about what I should or shouldn’t be doing upset me. I’ve lived my life for others and now will do what I think is right for me, and will be responsible for the outcomes that my actions will bring.

After all, isn’t that the way life should be lived?

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I think I managed to get to the 50 questions that last day I was on the site. I sat down to work on the remaining questions a few days later.

When I logged in, I noticed I already had visitors to my profile and even a few messages.

I started with the visitors and they were pretty bad. The men were within the age range I am considering, but they physically looked much older than what they actually are.

Even more, if they were physically fit (as in a good weight and working out), their bodies looked somewhat worn out. As much as they’re making the effort to take care of themselves, it seems their lives have taken the best of them.

Then I moved to the messages. Again, some of them were from the visitors I just looked at. But, there were others from guys in their early 20’s.

The other thing that struck me was what written in the messages. The older ones would write a few lines with a polite approach: ‘Hello. I came across your profile. I was very impressed by your beauty. You probably get that comment all the time. Hope you reply.’

The younger ones, though, were short and to the point: ‘Damn girl, you’re a hottie! Want to meet for a drink?’

Shoot! This experience has not started well at all!

The guys my age are not what I’m looking for and the young ones are that, too young. The second may have the youth, maybe the goods, a career, and the best things happening for them. But it’s not what I’m interested in.

Besides, I already dealt with that before (please see ‘The Accidental Cougar’ and ‘Another Cougar Moment’ stories).

So, now what? Either way is not good options.

Why does everything that I try to do have to be so difficult?



Ivan did show up the next day. What was more surprising was that he arrived at a descent time at night.

I was shocked when I opened the door and saw him. You could tell by his face that something was going on that wasn’t good.

When he sat down he gave me the impression that he looked worn out, tired and nervous, almost as if life had aged him.

I started to wonder if I looked like that when my whole situation occurred. All I remember was that it was greatly overwhelming; so much that there are parts my mind have chosen to ‘block’ for my own wellbeing.

What can I say? I felt sorry for him.

Ivan sat on a chair and me on another, and he started to open up.

His girlfriend and him had an argument before she left, and there have been others before this one. In essence, certain issues have been getting more complicated because they have not been resolved, so tensions are running high.

He also said that some family members visited him recently. He had a disagreement with one of them the day they were flying out, which he greatly regretted.

What a mess! He seemed he was about to cry and I quickly sat next to him and held his hand.

“Hey, take it easy,” said I, “there’s as much as one can take.” Me holding his hand helped and he let out a huge breath.

“I know it’s never good to fight with those we love, but it happens. Distance and time changes us, many times for the bad. But all you got to do is speak with that person and clear things out. It was just a misunderstanding.

In regards to your girlfriend, maybe it was good that she went away for a few days. You should take the opportunity to think things over and talk, which you don’t like to do.”

Ivan kept saying ‘I know, I know’ but did not go into further details.

“I know you don’t like to talk much and even less share your feelings with me, but I’m here for you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

He gave me a warm hug before he left and thanked me for my support.

I became worried about him. He is not in a good place and it’s a lot dealing with all that by himself.

I know; I’ve been there.



The following week went by and I decided to call Christian on Thursday in order to secure a date for the weekend if possible.

I called him but he did not answer the phone. I took the initiative of leaving him a message, but he did not return my call any time during the evening or during the daytime on Friday.

I decided to call him again late Friday afternoon with no luck, and then on Saturday and Sunday. The results were the same, nothing.

I thought to myself that, one, he completely lost interest right from the beginning. Two, something terrible happened to him (hope not). Three, he misplaced his phone in the middle of the ocean (hey, he had mentioned to me during our initial conversation that he fished regularly with his buddies).

I know this is possible to occur, but, in my opinion, this has become ‘the perfect excuse’ for not answering somebody else’s call. I think it has been used by so many people, that it has become worn out.

True or not, you come across as a liar and jerk, loosing all respect from the person who has an interest in you.

So I guess it will not happen this weekend with Christian or in the future at all.

I am so frustrated it’s beyond anything I’ve experienced before. This keeps happening to me over and over when nothing happens to justify the behavior from the other person.

I really don’t know what else to do with this situation. No matter how much I try to handle it right, it just doesn’t happen.

I’m staring at my phone and start remembering the so many other times I had waited for a guy to call me. I know in the end all of them were not worth it, but it continues to be painful.

I wonder if I’ll ever meet anyone or if I’m destined to be alone for the rest of my life.

‘Damn you guys; I hate you. Hope you all rot in hell!”



et cetera