The New M.E. Generation











As I’m starting to finally say all that I needed about this unfortunate incident in my life, I’ve realized that as much as you may try to move on and completely get over it, sometimes something will always remain unresolved. Maybe that’s because it’s never really over until it’s over, meaning that even after doing your part, if the other person doesn’t end it completely, there will always be this link that just refuses to break.

Case in point: I recently made a trip to Cuba and one of the things in my agenda was to get a cards reading from a spiritual woman. It’s not that I hadn’t done it before, but thought someone abroad would give me a different take on everything, especially matters of the heart.

This woman lived by herself in this one-bedroom apartment on a 13th floor. It had an amazing view of the ocean. She took me to her bedroom where her furniture was as old as her, with many pieces being dusty or broken down.

Her bed was unmade and she quickly threw a blanket over it. “Once you make your bed, all else gets organized,” said she. I looked around the room while sitting on a chair, wondering what I’ve gotten myself into.

We were both close to the edge of the bed which now doubled as a table. She was using Spanish cards or “barajas” to do the reading. She would shuffle them and then ask me to separate them in three groups. She would then turn over one group at a time and do the reading.

“You carry a loving thought with you,” started she. I put a face that I couldn’t understand what she meant. “Think about it and you’ll figure it out.”

“There’s a guy with a slight dark skin. Do you know this guy?” I did a fast checklist of all ones I’ve known and nobody fit the profile. I shook my head as in ‘no, I don’t’.

“You want to have kids?” continued the woman. “I wanted to, but I can’t any more,” replied I. She did correctly mention that I’ve had troubles in the past with my reproductive system, but successfully overcame all the treatments and surgeries I had when I tried to have a family.

She was accurate about details that pertained to my parents, family and me. I was really listening to those things that didn’t made sense in the present and tried to find an explanation to them when she throws me a curveball.

“There’s this woman who is searching for you constantly. She can’t see you because she’s somewhere else, but is looking for you. There’s a man involved with her. And I also see witchcraft,” said she. OMFG! Even here the bitch and this guy come up. “She’s like…,” continued the woman in a tone referring to someone who is chasing you desperately. “She thinks you’re with this guy,” said she. “No, I’m not with anyone…,” said I.

“You have a male friend that is isolated,” said she. Oh boy, still more of my ex-friend. “He will come back to see you.”

“You might say you’re not with anyone, but you have this whole mess of love affairs. The one who came, the one who left, the one that didn’t…,” said she. Yep, you got that right lady.

“And that woman out there has a mate, and is waiting for you; it seems that she thinks, or have been told, that you have something with him. And she’s asking herself, ‘where is she now?’ Do you know of that situation? You know her well.” asked the woman. I gave her a look of ‘you have no idea!’

Bitch, I’m on vacation! Enough of it already!

 

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Following his second trip, Jay and I continued corresponding to each other. But, this time, the talk was about me going to Canada. He had pretty much presented a tentative week to do so, and I was waiting for the right time to purchase the ticket.

But, one day, something he said in an online conversation started to give me an uneasy feeling. Here’s how it happened: I called him via the internet, like I was basically doing every day and, don’t know how the comment occurred, but he said that there was no need for me to do so.

“What? I thought you really liked my daily texting and calls; that they were things you looked forward to.”

“I do, but you don’t have to every single day,” he responded.

“All right, I won’t, if that’s how you feel about it.”

So I did. I kept calling and texting, but to a lesser degree. I was confused by his comment and started to wonder if his feelings for me had shifted.

And they did, and I found out quite unexpectedly, through another conversation. I wanted to finally choose a day for me to arrive to Canada, but Jay was not giving me a final answer, plus his enthusiasm for me making the trip wasn’t quite there as before. I then confronted him during the call.

“Jay, what’s going on? Do you want me to make this trip or not?”

“Well, Emma do you remember what we discussed about seeing other people? (At that moment, I felt all the stars in the universe collided and a big explosion suddenly hit me.) There is a person that I met that lives in my community and I want to go out with her.”

“I never said we couldn’t see or go out with other people as long as the relationship was only of that of a friendship.”

“I’m trying to be honest with you as also discussed. I don’t know what will happen here. I could go out with her and nothing happens afterwards or she may turn out to be as someone I would like to pursue. I thought my obligation was to tell you before the date.”

I didn’t say a word for I don’t know how long. Sadness engulfed me and just wanted to cry.

“Jay, you have no idea how much I wanted to make this trip, how much it meant to me!”

“I know and I’m sorry, but I felt it would have been unfair to you for me to go out with this person, develop an interest in her, and afterwards having you come down to visit.

The other thing, Emma, is, you’re still dealing with a lot of issues that also turned me away. One day, for example, you talked about your divorce seven times in one day. You’re definitely not ready to be involved with anyone yet, especially me.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose…I’m sorry,” is all I could say. “You have your issues too, so don’t point all the blame on me. I wanted to make this trip so bad you have no idea, and now you took that chance away from me.

And I will say this, whatever outcome results of this date, don’t even think about calling me saying you still have an interest or feelings for me.”

Jay apologized again during the call. Whatever else he said I don’t remember and, quite frankly, doesn’t matter. The damage was done and so was the relationship, or whatever we had together.

After the conversation concluded, I remained seated for some time and tears came down my eyes. I knew that, in the long run, this distant thing would have ended anyways, but not this soon.

I envisioned it occurring after my trip, after finally sharing our lives to the fullest possible, after all had been said and done.

But I guess it was meant to happen this way so the hurt wouldn’t be as bad, so I wouldn’t feel guilty of doing it if it had been me the one who met someone else, before I invested any more of my feelings on him.

It was hard to accept it, but his time and presence, like all the other guys before him, had come to an end. It was time, once again, to pick-up the pieces and move on.

But it hurts; it hurts a lot.



et cetera