The New M.E. Generation

‘For a lack of a better word, you were hot!’ said he. (Could you please expand?) ‘I wasn’t the only one thinking this way. I would say that was pretty much the consensus of the guys living on my dorm floor as well.

I know they were envious of me dating you, especially my friend who encouraged me to contact you. Every time he has asked me about you, he would always say just that.’

Which dorm was this? I have no recollection of any of this. How many times was I actually there?

‘What I remember about you was that you had a beautiful face, fit body, great smile, and because you had a different cultural background than the majority of the people on campus, you were exotic and made you stand out.’

Hmm, being fit? That’s one thing I have to disagree. I do remember gaining some weight and taking it off was quite difficult, which made me insecure.

Also, I was into doing my make-up and having my hair styled. But my clothes at times weren’t the best for my body. I think I was more into the comfort part than being fashion forward. So if I was perceived as having a nice body, my efforts in looking good were indeed paying off.

In regards to standing out, I thought I was just average or blended with the rest of the girls in school. It’s true that my background made me different, but I never used it to get attention from others.

But with all my insecurities and else that I had before still impressed this guy, then there was something about me that indeed made me different.

Or, was it something else? Was it all my looks? Was there more between me and him?

I presented this question in my next email.

I answered the email in the same fashion as I did with the others. I gave a quick summary of my life post-college and divorce, up to the present.

I also mentioned to this guy to pardon me as my memory was very vague and only remembered that we knew each other and dated, but no more than that. I had no idea of how we met or where, and for how long we knew each other.

I ended the email stating that I was interested in continuing the communication, to learn of his current life and, of course, how and why did you find me.

A few days later I did get my response. He basically explained that a former college friend had married a Latina girl and every time he sees her, he always wondered of my whereabouts. Plus, his friend (who also remembered me when I hanged out with the guy at hand) had been asking him for a while, ‘whatever happened to Emma?’

This guy would always reply, ‘I’m sure she’s fine. I bet she’s married with a family living who knows where and forward with her life.’

But the more he got asked, the more curious he became of finding me. He genuinely wanted to contact me, but mainly so his friend would stop annoying him about it.

Interesting enough, this guy had been searching for me in the web and an old alumni handbook, but kept misspelling my last name. It wasn’t until he finally sat down patiently to search in the book that my name was finally found. He then did the same through the web, and there I was.

And, again, it was because of a third person that had motivated someone else to contact me.

Interesting…wonder what he remembers about me from back then, and if it matches with what his friend had said about me.

I hope it’s something other than just, ‘she was hot.’

‘Third connection’ and I remained as online friends and would comment each other on whatever situation we would write about.

One time, though, I got responses from other guys when I only asked him for an opinion. Halloween was coming up and was contemplating a few alternatives for wardrobe. Among them was one that had an air for ‘sexy’ but wasn’t too revealing, just fitted and short in length, long enough for me to consider suitable for my weight, body type, etc.

So when I posted a picture of the costume, I got more responses than what I bargained for, from single to married men. More of a ‘chain reaction.’

“Would love to see you wearing that,” said third connection.

“You can model that to me any time,” said another friend.

“Thumbs up to that,” another guy said.

“No, I vote for something more sexier,” a fourth guy said.

What is this? I only wanted to get comments from one person, and in turn I got an avalanche of responses. And whatever I liked it or not, it had to do with my looks and how others perceived it, even including as it relates to my level of sexiness.

Now I was not only dealing with defining how pretty I considered myself, I was asking myself if I considered myself sexy and how much.

“Ah, what are we talking about here guys?” asked I.

“You’re hot,” said third connection.

“Ditto that,” said one of the other three.


“Major hottie!”

Oh my goodness! Now I’m creeped out as to what to wear and post it online. Well, I hate to say this, but I enjoyed the brief attention I received from them guys. It’s still flattering to hear from others how great I look or would do wearing whatever I decide to wear.

I know they mean no harm and want the best for me. And I know that they’re also trying to encourage me into doing something that is new for me or perhaps not used to do.

They’re trying to take me out of my shell and find (or find again) that fun side of me that some of them remember me for.

I think it’s more about taking risks. Not that I hadn’t in the past, but now it is all for me and only me. It’s about standing in the spotlight and being admired for all those who love and respect you. Shine on.


Jay gladly gave me his number and I called him at an agreed time and date.

“Hey, how are you?” said he very excited.

“Fine,” is all I could say. “This is very unexpected to me, and quite flattering as well.”

“You shouldn’t be surprised. I think you’re hot.” (Aah, you mean ‘hot’ as in wanting to get me to bed, or ‘hot’ as in being pretty?) “When I saw you having breakfast with Hiio that Saturday morning, I thought to myself, ‘wow, this is a girl I would like to get to know.’”

“Like I said, this is something unusual for me.”

Jay was surprised at my comment, so I had to explain to him about my then current divorce, how many years it lasted, and because I was basically newly single, anything pertaining to dating or relationships had become new again to me.

He shared with me that he could relate to my situation. He once was very much in love with a girl and planned to be married. But her family opposed the engagement and put so much pressure that she decided not to marry. Jay was obviously very much broken-hearted.

“I can understand why my approach is making you uncomfortable,” said he. “Listen, there’s still some time before I possibly make this trip, so just consider it for now.

My plan is to go there, do some water skiing, spend a few days with you and get to know you more. It’s not that complicated.

Like I said, there’s still some time to go, so let’s keep on talking, and discussing it further, all right?”

I was very glad to have had that conversation, although I was still anxious about it.

Yes, keeping up with the conversation is a good approach. He still needs to convince me about his trip and other details called logistics. Meaning, what will actually happen during his time here.

But, really, do I have to be so uptight about this?

Anxiety rising…

et cetera