The New M.E. Generation

The ‘beach guy’ told me the location of the seminar, which is about at least a 3-hour drive. And if I was to drive on a Friday after work, who knows what the ETA would be.

Then there was the situation that I would get there late on Friday evening and then he would be at the seminar the whole next day. What the hell was I to do? Lounge at the pool?

And what about Sunday? Was he staying all weekend or driving back home right after the event was over?

So, in other words, his plan is to go through all that effort, including a nasty traffic on the highway, plus a good chunk of gas, in exchange of a few hours meeting to learn if ‘there’s still some chemistry here?’

Even more, there was another issue that was going around my mind. ‘Where you will be is not that close to me,’ wrote I on my text. ‘Even with no traffic it would be at least 3-hours drive. And, yes, I had basically written you off.’

That’s what it meant, literally, since our last ‘conversation’ was through texts because he never answered my calls.

‘Another thing,’ continued I, ‘what’s the deal with your girlfriend?’

‘We’re still together,’ said he, ‘but things are not doing well at all.’

No kidding. So I am now like a generic medication. You want to try this, plus the real thing, and see which gives you the best results for your problem.

I wasn’t surprised at what he told me, but still managed to get me somewhat upset. I think it had to do more with getting flashbacks to the past than getting dumped for someone else.

It was more of a realization that it wasn’t all that about what I felt about him in high school, but that then and now, the guy was just playing games with me and used me for his convenience, him knowing well how I felt about him.

‘I don’t like when guys dump me and then reappear,’ wrote I. ‘I’m not here for people to use me as leverage to compare their feelings.’

‘You’re right. I need to figure out or resolve my relationship. Maybe another time will be better.’

Yeah, like, when? When the ocean drags you in and washes you out?

Not even the strongest medication can alter the side effects of what I’m feeling inside towards you.

The best prescription for all these guys doing the same thing: take a daily of dose of patience, mixed with good self-esteem and love of oneself. Swallow slowly and wait for all to go away (men included).

It was around the end part of my workday on a Thursday when I got a text message from a guy I had long forgotten, including deleting from my social media profiles.

Want to guess who it is? Clues include unanswered calls, always addressing you over a text message, endless excuses for not coming over to visit you.

If you guessed the ‘beach guy’, you’re right.

“Hey, you probably have written me off by now,” read his text. I will be at a seminar on Saturday. Don’t know how far the location is from you. But would be nice if you came this way and saw you. Maybe there’s still some chemistry here.”

This is another situation that has become recurrent in my relationship with men. After they dump me for someone else and drop off the radar, they re-emerge when their current relationships sucks big time.

And, of course, the reason for why it’s happening is always placed on their counterparts. According to them guys, it’s beyond complicated. The females turn out to be psychos or the next incarnation of Godzilla.

These idiots turn me down because of some recycled excuse that they can’t even explain themselves (“I have a lot on my plate right now; my kids take a lot of my time; I’m going through an existential crisis”, etc.), to later ‘realize’ they haven’t quite forgotten me.

That’s how it is; women that are easy to deal with and control, gives you no problems, plus gives you good bedding, is what guys want, that is, until the females turn against you with nasty rampages or stalking.

This is followed by ‘I don’t know how to get out of this relationship’ and look for any reason to escape their situation.

What I want to know from all this is: what did you do that has turned these women into unrecognizable creatures?

Wait, have I turned into something I’m not aware of? What can I compare myself to? Or, what would I wished I could be in regards to the guys?

Probably a supernatural entity like a ghost, so I can appear on their dreams and scream at them, “You’re a major a-hole!!!”

This way they will never, ever forget me, and my presence will hunt them forever. Sounds like a bad horror movie that just refuses to end.

“I appreciate that you were not of those guys who took advantage of me. You never lead me to do anything I wasn’t prepared for considering how young I was,” said I. “You’re right, I shouldn’t be surprised about the good things you’ve said about me. I’ve been reconnecting with other people from high school and college, and all pretty much has expressed the same. It’s unfortunate that the person I gave my heart to never saw it.

So, yes, that’s what I’m frustrated about. My life has not turned out how I wanted it be since being single, but what can you do about it?

Thanks for writing back and being concerned about me. Remembering the past has been good medicine.”

“I am glad to hear that I’ve managed to make you feel better. And, please, stop with the ‘I ignored you’ thing. That’s a bit of a strong statement,” said he. “I’m sorry that the relationship didn’t work out the way you wanted it to be, but there’s a master plan and I guess it was not meant to be.”

A master plan? I thought I had that one figured out. Now I don’t even know what I’m doing next.

“Master plan? Seriously? You guys are too complicated to figure out,” continued I. “It’s simple; you either want to be with me or not. And just be straightforward and say what you mean.”

“You think we’re complicated? Hmmm.”

Ah, yeah. And now that I’m thinking about it, you were too. If you hadn’t been I wouldn’t be spilling out all that I’m saying here. Heck, most probably we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

Like I’ve said before, life just keeps repeating to me.

Wait! Is this the master plan he’s talking about?

Am I supposed to deal with things over and over until I get it right, and then my life will finally fall into place?

Hmmm, maybe that’s what it is.

I have no recollection of the first part of the day. What I do remember was that the brunch was at a hotel and we stayed there way into the late afternoon.

We were walking around the property and sat somewhere to talk, when something extraordinary happened.

No, it wasn’t romantic. Instead, I got sick as in ‘wasted’, ‘trashed’, whichever way you want to call it. It was the first time I was in a situation like this and it was really bad.

I may have been in college, but I never took a drink while underage. I had decided that I would stay away from trouble because I was far from home and knew my parents wouldn’t bail me out.

I was trying to hold myself together, but it got to a point he noticed I wasn’t looking that well.

He asked me if I was fine, and at first I said ‘yes’, but quickly switched to ‘no’. Don’t know how, but my head ended up resting on his lap.

I was so embarrassed I couldn’t look at him at his face. Darn it! I get to go out with this guy and this is how I get to impress him?

In spite of everything, he was completely at ease and didn’t seem upset at my condition. How nice, he was probably feeling sorry for me.

Then, the next ‘extraordinary’ event of the day occurred. Translation: I needed to throw up.

I turned my head and saw a wastebasket. I knew I wasn’t going to make it to the bathroom, so I ran to it. Oh my gosh, it was horrible, but it definitely made me feel better.

Incredibly, this guy was right behind me, giving me support. He treated this whole incident like it wasn’t such a big deal.

After I felt somewhat better, it was time to do nothing else but to leave. It was the end of this day and whatever chance of anything else happening beyond this point.

I don’t remember getting home, putting myself to bed or else.

The next day is another story. My mom questioned me why I got back at the time I did (which was?) and me having the face I had.

I didn’t tell her about the ‘incident’, and that we were just having fun.

She basically advised me to be careful at whatever I did, regardless of what guy it was.

Yes, mom, I know you’re right. And I’ll definitely think about what you said…when my hangover is gone.

‘Why not?’ I thought to myself. I mean, isn’t this what I was hoping for after all?

“Sure, I think that would be nice,” I said. We agreed that we should meet in a restaurant over a quiet dinner where we could hold a conversation (like we haven’t talked enough already).

He suggested a place I’ve never been before, but heard was good. It is not expensive or really casual, but nice enough for a first encounter.

I started to get very nervous. I don’t remember the last time I went out on a date, or other people spending money on me. Should I perhaps suggest buying a drink or something?

“I don’t know if you’re aware, but that restaurant should be among those that have a special rate for the season. It’s a great deal,” said I.

“You’re right. Thanks for reminding me.”

I’m glad I told him. I want to give him something back, even if it is saving him some money. And, if later all else fails, hopefully I won’t be remembered as someone who was just after a good time or get anything I could get for free.

Yep, first impressions do count.

Madelyn felt my sense of frustration over the phone. What started as a fun conversation turned into a sad one. I even felt like crying.

“Emma, please don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve gone through such a difficult period in your life and need to give yourself some time.”

“But it’s been like three years already and I feel I’m in a rut as it regards to love. It’s just not happening to me.”

“You’ve regained so much for yourself, and you’re summarizing your current life as ‘incomplete’ because you don’t have a guy?

Maybe what’s happening to you is that you’re still not ready for the real thing and life is throwing tests at you so you see for yourself where you’re standing. And Jesse was one. I mean, don’t tell me you have an interest in him? (I don’t answer and Madelyn gets upset with me.)

You know damn well that if you get involved with him it will be to repeat what you’ve done before and for the wrong reasons. If you do, I will personally go to your place and slap you until you get it.

I think you need to be alone for a good while. When you get past this stage you are now, I guarantee it will happen to you in a nice, smooth way when you least expect it.

Can you at least do that for me? I never ask you for anything.”

“I know, you’re right. You always are,” said I.

After I hung up with Madelyn, I remained seated thinking over the whole conversation. I don’t know how long I was there, but I surely analyzed myself really hard like I’ve done so many other times before.

The only solution that came to mind was to stop putting my energy into it and live life one day to the next as I’ve been doing so far.

It is all that I’ve done. It is all that I know.

About 20 minutes later the storm was over. The sky remained gray, but the wind went away and the water calmed down. The heat came back, though, making the atmosphere feel as if almost no storm had occurred.

We all walked to the boat, which, thankfully, did not suffer any damage. The afternoon was getting late and the guys wanted to get back before sundown (or any other unexpected weather change). So I grabbed my belongings, thanked them both and told Christian we would be ‘in touch’ as a way to keeping the communication open, and gracefully end the day (in case nothing else happened afterwards).

Yes, it has been a strange day and the first of its kind for me. I didn’t know what to make of it. When night arrived I called Dina to share with her the day’s events.

“So, did you two agree on anything?” asked Dina.

“No, it’s just that with the storm, the moment was not actually right to say something. I only told him that I would ‘stay in touch.’”

“Which means…?”

“I don’t know, that I will call him soon, like in a few days or no later than a week, so that he sees that I still have an interest in him?”

“My advice to you, just do what you feel is right to do. If after the few days or week you lost the interest, just don’t call him. At least you got to see him.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know if to call again or not. It was a weird day the way it developed. I can’t really define anything of it.”

“Then maybe you should wait for him to call you. That way you will really know that he still has some interest. I think you are always the one making the effort. How about if, for once, let the other person be the one to follow-up?”

“I know, you’re right. You’re always right.”

“I know,” said Dina in a comical tone. I had to laugh too. Yep, no matter what approach I take with the guys, it always ends in nothing. And maybe it has to do with me always going after the guys.

What would happen if I ignored them for a while? Would it work?

et cetera