The New M.E. Generation











After learning that he’s single, again, I started wondering how interested this guy really is about seeing me. I know his ‘last minute’ appearances will never work for me, so, can anything happen whenever he’s not complicated, if there is such a time like that?

Me: “I was thinking that you don’t have to wait for one of your work trips to come this way.”

Him: “No. I don’t. Right now I can’t leave because I have a super sick patient and have to be available for him. I haven’t had time for myself.”

(Recap: In the past, whenever I invited him, he always had an excuse, mostly that he was busy with his kids. Honestly, don’t know how he has managed to be with anyone, period.)

Me: “Just a thought.”

Him: “Good thought.” (At least he didn’t say no to it.)

A few days later, while driving home from work, I hear “Come Sail Away” on the radio. I texted him about the song and his high school Farewell Assembly later in the evening.

Me: “You were sitting in the front row. Wore like a light brown suit. You got like 4 cards. One was mine. You got surprised and later got sort of teary eyed when you read them. If I recall correctly.”

I skipped mentioning the end part of the activity when I got up on stage, shed a few tears myself, and he sort of broke into a dance while the song was being played.

Him: “That was me.” (As in ‘that’s who I was then’ or ‘that is indeed the person you’re referring to’?)

As other memories crossed my mind, the interest of me seeing him slightly grew. Problem is, according to him he’s too busy to come here, and he has never invited me to go his way.

So as I have done since always, I debated whether or not to say that I could go visit him. I know it’s been about 2 years since I last heard of him, that I shouldn’t base things on the past, and the chances of this happening are zero to none, but…

Me: “Perhaps I could go your way sometime in the future?”

Him: “Perhaps. You can drive your new car although that’s a lot of miles to put on a lease.” (So that means ‘no’?)

He forwards me a map of his location and the shortest route is basically 4 hours away. That is, if you don’t make any stops.

Me: “I’m not talking about doing it all the time. At least once.”

I do appreciate his concern about my lease. But I got the vehicle almost 3 months ago and I’m only driving it short distances, so there’s plenty of miles to go before even getting close to my yearly limit.

And using my transportation situation as the reason for me not visiting him raises a huge red flag. It makes me believe that he’s hiding something and is not as single as he claims to be. I didn’t get a good feeling about it, so I left it at that for now.

With all honesty, I wish I could make this trip, not because of him, but for myself. You see, the beach is where it all began. It’s where I met him, shared the nice moments, and even got to see him for who he really was.

I too learned about a side of myself that I didn’t know I had, which would be nice for me to rediscover. I know I can’t bring back the past, but I believe me there together will finally allow me to say what needs to be said and move on.

All I’m asking from the universe is just this one time, because “if you do it right, once is enough.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements


So no matter how we do it, our cars meeting on the way to work is still not happening.

Even if we both leave at the same time from our homes, the initial paths to get to the main road are different. That’s why the chances of ‘bumping into each other’ are zero to none.

If he’s on time, I’m delayed, and vice versa. One time I text him, ‘we need to get a drone’.

Since a mention about meeting in person hasn’t occurred yet, I thought maybe the unsuccessful chases would make that happen without me having to say it. Like I said before, if he’s interested, let it be him that does the effort.

Me: “I mean, how else are we going to manage seeing each other in the morning?” (referring to the aircraft).

Him: “Well, we need to see each other somewhere else, since this traffic thing is too hit-or-miss. Mostly miss, lol.”

Me: “Yeah, like FaceTime” (which I call the ‘half and half’; part visual, part phone call in not exactly the real world).

Him: “I was thinking maybe meet for coffee, lunch, or happy hour.”

Me: “Thought the same, except I didn’t want to come across as pushy.”

Him: “Not at all, I like and respect women who take the lead.”

Wow, how about that? I don’t recall any guy saying this about females per se.

Me: “Most guys are not like that from experience. Being said that, I would like to get together with you in person. Don’t know how your schedule is or what would be fine with you to do.”

By the time I sent this text we had both gotten to work, so I left it as that for that day.

The following one, the morning usual.

Him: “Morning! At the train station light lol.”

Me: “I’m way back in it.”

Him: “Did you get out?”

Me: “No. Now second in line.”

Him: “Shoot. Well, I do have to stop for gas. Going to station past 40th.”

Me: “Maybe I’ll see you.”

Him: “Hope so!”

This time I took my commute into high gear, passing all cars and advancing as much as I could. At least him being ahead of me and making a stop was providing a small window of opportunity.

The location is almost immediately after an intersection. A few seconds after the light turned green, I see the ‘Led Zep1’ entering the station right, then making a left turn to position it in an empty spot.

I quickly stopped my car next to the second entrance when I see his vehicle facing towards me. I waved ‘hi’ to him. I almost got into the station, but I knew I would be late for work if I did, and had cars behind me honking to move, so I kept going.

Me: “I saw you!”

Him: “Yes! Saw you too lol!”

Me: “Yay!” I took a selfie of me smiling. It was a ‘close, but no cigar’ moment, but good enough for me.

Him: “Too brief. You should have stopped for gas too.”

Me: “Thought that, but my boss is very insisting of people getting to work on time. We should meet this weekend.”

A few emoticons later and after getting to his office, he said, “yes, we should. What’s your schedule this weekend? And it’s too bad for your boss.”

Me: “My schedule is open. You? My boss called upon me twice recently and just don’t want to hear it again. And my colleague is out this week sick, so… Just let me know.”

About two days later I had dinner with one of my BFF’s. I shared with her the story about how I met him and my almost run-in encounter at the gas station.

She did appreciate me doing something ‘out of the box’, but she’s never short of dispensing ‘wake-up’ advice, even when nothing has yet happened.

“You had no business stopping at the gas station,” said she seriously while I looked at her puzzled. I thought she would have told me the other way around.

“You don’t know anything about this guy. How sure are you that he’s single?” continued she. I felt like a child does when a parent is preaching you about the facts of life.

“You can pull this off when you’re in your 20’s. But one has to be careful at our age,” continued she. “I’m not saying not to pursue guys. Just keep your distance for now and let him be the one that makes the move.”

Okay, now what? I’m feeling somewhat deflated. Like I should have kept quiet.

At least LedZep1 said to meet during the weekend. Well, easier texted than done. Guess I’ll put my car on neutral for the time being and wait until it’s time to shift gears again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



We got to the restaurant and got seated right away. I suggested a medium pizza, but he insisted on ordering a large. I used the excuse of me watching my weight. But it really was that I didn’t want to come across as wanting to take advantage of him, in spite I knew he could afford to buy me more than just one big pie.

While we waited to be served, the conversation continued covering many trivial past things. I don’t recall how it happened, but the situation about the failed meeting the year before surfaced.

“You know, regarding what happened last year…”

I knew which way he wanted to go with this incident and that he was to get the last word, just like all he does, and I wasn’t allowing it.

“You called me that Saturday at 4pm and the plans I had for that day were still ongoing. What did you expected, that I was going to alter them?” said I in a somewhat upsetting tone.

“I already had a room reserved for me to sleep at. You know I have my kids, but cleared the rest of the day to be with you,” answered he.

The rest of the day? Maybe the night was still open, but that weekend was all about me, not him.

He realized that my temper was not mellowing down and I was not going to give in, so he made a ‘time-out’ signal with his hands, which stopped the debate.

‘Good timing’, pizza’s here.

I calmed down after a few bites. He switched topics to that of his kids, which I’ve heard plenty of before. He showed me videos and photos of them, never short of reiterating how much he loved and was proud of them.

I always respect men who are like that, but the sad reality was that if I had a relationship with him, they were always going to be first, no matter their age. That’s what happened in my marriage and would have remained regardless if I have had them, and I don’t want any of that ever again.

The other issue is that he doesn’t want any more kids. He told me he got ‘fixed’, so that’s it with that. I know my time to have them naturally has expired. But what if I wanted to have one in the future, like with an adoption? With him the chances were basically zero to none.

He kept on talking about the kids and I kept myself ‘busy’ by chewing on the pizza. But most of what he said got diluted on my mind, to the point I don’t recall most of what he said.

Worst part is, I was starting to get sad. I have known for the longest time that nothing was ever to happen between us, not even a friendship or whatever could be defined, and that is good because I’ve given closure to that.

But it shows how much time and energy was wasted when I was a teenager. I know I was immature and didn’t know any better. Question is: How much have I really evolved these last years to what men relates to?

So, what else is this night going to serve me?



On the Sunday before Jay headed back home, I took him to the ocean area of ‘the city’ to have breakfast and later walk on the beach. The area that I chose has many shops and restaurants, and is walking distance from the water, so it allowed for everything needed for him to enjoy the experience.

When we got to the area, I realized a flea market was being held with all sorts of merchandise: jewelry, art, food, plants, etc. This was great; Jay would get to see another feature of where I lived.

We had brunch and, afterwards, decided to walk around the market, to then end the day by walking on the beach.

As we approached a vendor selling fine jewelry, I came up with an idea that I wasn’t sure how he would approach it.

“Jay, I was thinking, hmm, don’t take it the wrong way, but how about getting a ‘friendship ring’ as a symbol of what we’ve shared together? Just something simple.”

Jay looked at me quite calm, as he had throughout the entire time. My eyes were not exactly looking at his because I was unsure of how he would react.

“I like your idea very much,” said he.

We literally walked every jeweler and were lucky to find an unusual ring with semi-precious stones that really stroke a cord with both of us. It was like the ‘perfect note’ of memories created during his trip. Everything I had hoped for, and more, had become true.

Last item of the day; hit the beach. The day was absolutely gorgeous and the water was even greater. If Jay could have jumped on the water, he would have without a doubt, but we were wearing regular clothes and had no towels with me.

But we made the best of it. We took a long walk on the sand and water, held hands and kissed. I felt totally free, like I was walking on air. I thanked the universe for giving me this blessing.

But this blessing came with a price. Jay lived in Canada, and the chances of surviving, whatever we had, were zero to none.

This thought kept circling in my mind while at the beach, and knew we needed to talk about this before he went back home.

But, as of now, I’m just enjoying this moment and embracing it in such a way it will stay in my heart for a lifetime.



et cetera