Love At First Site 26 – I blue it

My table is not that big, so as much as you try to avoid the other person is not possible.

I complemented him on his cooking skills and wanting to eat healthy. I tried to engage in ‘small talk’ as much as possible. I was making eye contact as I was trying not to look away from the reality here: he’s still and will always be old enough to be my child.

I didn’t think about the cougar thing; I knew getting involved with him would get me nowhere and would unbalance my emotional state that I have worked so hard to reinstate.

The comment about my TV’s wasn’t just one that hit a nerve, it was also one that the universe was throwing at me so I would be aware of what to expect from this guy if I allowed for anything to happen beyond this night.

The message is that there will always be something that will remind me of the age difference and thus feeling ‘old’, trigger some other negative emotions, and who knows what else. There’s the other detail about him that his plan is to leave the city to go to med school somewhere else.

I know that (maybe) we could be friends or I should keep my options open regarding anything social. But, am I really interested in investing time with him when I should stick to doing that for myself? I may sound selfish, but in the end it’s all about me.

I kept the mindless conversation going and tried not to think about the big elephant in the room, so I kept looking at his very blue eyes, which began to mesmerize me.

I thought that maybe I should complement him on that as well. But after I say that, what next?

I guess this is what it feels like when ‘you’re having the blues’?

Something About Me 31 – Time change

I didn’t exactly get my dream, but more of a wish, sort of.

One night, out of nowhere, this ‘unfriend’ guy emailed me. It was totally unexpected.

It was the same scenario as before; his wife and child were away and he took the opportunity to contact me.

I called him first and there was a rush when I heard his voice again. Then we connected online and saw him live for the first time in more than a year.

Oh, my! He looked tired and that he has aged, a lot. It was as if his life had hit him hard. In other words, he’s unhappy.

At least he was very happy to see me. His amazing blue eyes lighted up incredibly. I even got complemented on how I looked.

“Wow, look at you!” said he. “You look great! I can tell you have lost weight. You’re like fine wine, you get better with the years.”

I have lost weight, some, but I’m glad he commented on it. It was a great ego boost. But I wish I could say the same about him.

“Hey, are you ok?” I asked him. “Sorry to tell you, but, you don’t look that good.”

His eyes looked down and his demeanor a changed. He held his face on his hand. “Well, I’m tired. It’s been a long day. Was taking care of things around the house…”

I kept looking at him and I knew he wasn’t telling me all the truth. I may have lost weight, but he certainly hasn’t ‘lost’ those situations we spoke about last year.

I felt sorry for him and wished I could be there next to him. Maybe if he opened up to me again he might feel better.

“Seriously, what’s going on?”