The New M.E. Generation











{February 20, 2017}   The Swipe 22 – Here fishy, fishy

The day after having the odd conversation with Kevin, I decided to send him a text message to thank him for taking the call because I thought it was the right thing to do, and added that ‘I hope to hear from you soon’.

A few days passed by and no answer. Needless to say, I started worrying and wondered if it was something I had said.

Although the conversation mostly centered on him, he did ‘wake me up’ at moments with his questions, such as why I was single (“guys pretty much disappear at the beginning of anything, so not quite sure about that answer. I honestly think they just want to bed me.”).

I believe that I also said that I didn’t exercise as much as he did, obviously, but tried to keep it up, and that if being in shape was sort of a dealbreaker for him, to please let me know. I was also serious when I said that “if you tell me you will call, then do so.”

Yes, I may have sported a strong attitude, but after experiencing the stupidities of the previous guys, I’m definitely not wasting time deciphering someone else’s secret agenda again.

Eventually I send him a message through the dating site. His profile was still active, so when no response didn’t happen either, it got me confused.

I decided to then call and solve the mystery. He once again sounded glad that I did and as monotonous as before.

When asking him ‘are you okay?’ and saying I had messaged him, he said that ‘had been busy with work’ or something like that. It was as generic as moronic.

I decided to leave it as that. About a week later, to my surprise, I get a call from him. “I told you I would call,” said he. (Hip, hip, hooray?) But he made no mention of meeting. So, yeah, nice effort. Still half-ass.

Another day I finally got a reply to my long-lost text. ‘Hi baby how you doing?’ (Baby? Since when??) I bet this was probably intended for someone else. Good luck with that.

How things unfolded afterwards went down like this: he never called again. I was the one doing it. And if we spoke, he never talked about meeting, in spite him saying he did want to.

If I threw the question at him, he always gave me the runaround of ‘need to check my work schedule’ or ‘have to find out when I will be in your area’.

The last time I called him was during Thanksgiving weekend. I thought he would have some free time, but I was wrong.

“I have to work on Friday,” said he. “Ok, but we could meet at night,” replied I.

“My kids are visiting from college and I want to be with them as much as possible,” continued he.

“No problem,” said I in an upsetting tone and ready to hang up, when…

“What are you wearing?” asked he.

“What??” said I in a ‘what the fuck dude?’ mode.

“I want to know what you’re wearing.”

“I don’t do sexting or anything in-between. You’re not the first guy that asks me that,” said I in a ‘go fuck yourself’ tone.

“Because guys want to know. Don’t you want to know what I’m wearing?”

“No,” said I in a ‘no means no’ tone. “I know how this goes. It starts with a phone call, then you want to do photos, next whatever else. It’s not happening!” I was fuming mad, but able to maintain my composure.

Realizing how deep in shit he has gotten himself into, and that I wasn’t going to bite on the bait, Kevin abruptly ended the call. Honestly, I should have been the one to do that. His triathlon experience served him very well here in running fast from the situation.

After hanging up, I figured out why I was feeling weird with this one: he’s Fish #2. What Kevin wanted all along was the same as the first, a booty call. That’s it. So much for the family history and else that I thought made him different.

I immediately blocked him and deleted anything related to him from my phone, just as the other guys before him.

I then allowed myself to feel and think whatever I needed to for 24 hours, 48 tops. I keep what’s important in my mental handbook for future reference. Last step is going back to life as if nothing has happened. This is how I do it.

But the repeated patterns from guys has burned me out and I need a break.

I’m tired of guys with a self-centered attitude; how they over-correct themselves when dealing with their daughter, only to treat other women as if they were disposable; how they will say ‘don’t take it personal’ about anything that they tell you, but ‘I don’t want to hear it’ from you; how they will never admit that they’re wrong or say ‘I’m sorry’; how they don’t see anything wrong about being arrogant, but you ‘living in the past’ is.

I’m tired of being perceived as weak because I’m nice, to then getting my respect when I act (and react) like them.

As the lady in Cuba told me when she read the cards (see ‘The Reading’ chapters in the The Ex-Friend story), “No one wants anything with anyone. Nobody wants to be responsible for you. Nobody wants to give you anything. To get something from you or be comfortable with, yes, anything else, no.”

So what do I feel like doing now? Honestly, swiping left and logging out for a while. It’s probably the best hand to play at this time. Game over.

 

 

 

 



I’m not quite sure how much time passed after finishing my Kevin research, but we exchanged a few more messages over the dating site before I asked him to give me his number and what would be a good time to call him (“any time is fine with me”, answered he).

Once I got his mobile, I checked it against the one posted on his social media and the white pages to make sure it wasn’t a VoIP number or had a bad history of any kind. All checked fine accordingly.

So I gave him a call that very same night around 9pm. First impressions were that his voice sounded enclosed and nerdy, speaking with such low speed that it made my eyes close after the first few minutes of listening to him.

I would make questions to confirm the information I read online about his family to keep myself connected to the conversation. But when he would start talking again, I had difficulty staying awake, just like it happens in the morning time.

Still, I was able to learn more about him, including that he competed in triathlons and volunteers once a week at the hospital wing his mother helped create.

What didn’t coincide with what I read was that the family’s company was sold as a result of his father’s passing. I didn’t find the specifics of what really happened that prompted for this to happen.

I mean, I know there’s the possibility that the stores were not doing that well. And there has been cases where the family has not been able to keep businesses afloat once the ‘face of the company’ is gone, or simply because the children have been unsuccessful in running it accordingly. Times also change businesses and with that the people managing them.

But the stores still exist and have kept the name. I haven’t seen any of them being closed or read that they’re financially bad. Maybe the family got “an offer they couldn’t refuse” and decided it was best for everyone to part from them?

But instead, Kevin made it sound like that after his father’s passing, and having worked hard in the company for so many years, it was time for him to go another way.

At no time did he mention his brother in all this, which was also odd to me. If this is another example of sibling rivalry in which the main guy told you to go, then go ahead and tell me.

In other words, I’m not a business expert, but if the numbers don’t add up, then that uneasy feeling that you’re not telling me the truth will point straight at you.

The conversation lasted a little over a half hour. Kevin decided to end it because it was almost time for him to go to sleep. Guess what? I’ve basically been there since the beginning of this phone call.

The usual comments of ‘nice talking to you’, ‘looking forward to meeting you’, ‘will call you again’ were exchanged.

But regarding the second one, when he said that ‘I have to see when I will be in your area’, it made him sound like that he had no intentions of making an effort in getting together with me.

He did react positively when I called, but his personality turned dull and boring afterwards. Coming from someone with a family of so much history, I expected a guy with a lot more energy than the one he presented.

And why am I feeling that I’m having a “Groundhog Day” movie-like moment here?

“Life has a funny way of repeating itself.” True, but in my case, it sucks every time it does.

 

 

 



{February 6, 2017}   The Swipe 20 – The basics

I will be honest with you. This swipe thing has not turned out as I had expected. Quite frankly, I think the experience has been worse than in other years.

Before there used to be a level of intrigue as to what would happen next. Now I seem to be waiting (or expecting) for the punch to happen at any moment. It’s not that I’m being negative or setting myself for failure, but it feels as if guys have ran out of ideas and are recycling their old tricks that once worked for them.

Or it can be that women in general, including myself, have smarten up with experience and years, and now catch almost immediately what motives are behind the guy you’re dealing with. In other words, the element of surprise is way gone in more ways than one.

Take for example the next guy I met online. I was just browsing on the other dating site that have been using, when I notice a message received (the generic ‘you’re pretty; how are you?’).

(Note: if a guy gives you his email or phone number right from the start, because they claim that ‘they’re barely on the site’ and will make it easier for both parts to get acquainted, “run, Forrest, run!” The person is either a cheater or a catfish.)

Yes, it’s generic because all guys will tell you this line to lure you in. But once I go past this part and want to get down to the ugly truth, that’s when their facade falls apart.

The main profile photo of this guy wasn’t bad. He seemed tall and lean, mentioned that was in his late 50’s, and physically didn’t look that intimidating, nor someone I would not consider right from the start. The other images were taken from group photos.

Overall the information seemed to be in place, but there was something off with this person that I couldn’t figure out. Even using my photo ID app didn’t give me any results.

I didn’t reply to his message right away. I wanted to be sure if I was to reply or not, so after much analysis, I instead wrote: ‘How do I know you’re the actual person in the photo?’

The guy, which I will call Kevin, replied: ‘Search this name and you’ll see who I am.’ He gave me the full one and I did that while having lunch.

Because I thought my search would be over rather quickly (meaning I wouldn’t like what I found, to eventually deleting his message), I did so during my lunch break. In other words, I was to dedicate the same amount of time that my food needed to be cooked in the microwave, as finding out who this guy was.

Turns out he was more than the real deal. I came across an article about his father’s passing which talked about the elder’s humble beginnings in the community after relocating from NY.

The father had also opened a spirits store that eventually grew into other locations. Although currently still existing, the company was sold after his death. Even more, the guy’s mother founded a charity that raises funds to support a neonatal intensive care unit at a major local hospital.

Although I did find some personal information about Kevin, like the names and ages of his children, and that he had a brother who is (or was) the CEO in the business, I couldn’t find much about him in the present, so I did another search for his professional and social media profiles.

What I found was that there was no main photo on the work one and it stated that he was no longer involved with the father’s company. It seems that he went from a high-level position, to now being on sales for the competition. This doesn’t sound right.

On his personal profile, there were almost no posts or photos of him throughout the years. His amount of friends wasn’t that big either, which also caught my attention. It looked as bare and boring as the work one.

Worst part was that he kept it public and even went as far as posting his mobile number in response to someone else’s post. I may be tech-challenged at times, but this is internet security basics 101.

I mean, how stupid can you be regarding privacy, especially when you’re probably a public figure?

And like I’ve said before, why bother having profiles if you are not going to keep them up-to-date?

The more I thought about it, the less it made sense. For starters, if you’re part of a well-known and respected family that has allowed you to meet many people, why are you using a dating site? You mean to tell me there’s not a single woman that others could introduce to you or you can meet among your many circle of friends, which I assume you do?

Wouldn’t you be interested in having a relationship with someone that has a similar upbringing, values, religion, and social connections? The norm is that you go for what’s familiar to you, not venture into something that’s totally outside the box, unless that’s what you want.

Why would you want to go for the unknown, when the opportunities to meet someone are most likely to be right in front of you?

And why are things always so complicated with me when it has to do with a guy? Is the universe warning me again way ahead that this will be another failure?

Here comes that old feeling again. It ain’t happening.

 

 

 



I called Bob the following Monday and Tuesday, but he didn’t answer my calls. He texted me saying that he was going through a cold and was asleep both nights I tried reaching him. Feels more like another ‘cold shoulder’ incident to me.

Wednesday came and I didn’t reach out to him. He was MIA from his part.

Thursday came and about half-way through my work afternoon, I get a text from him which read: “I am sure you are wondering what is up with me!!! I need to put us on hold for a while! I am going thru some personal issues. And need some time to let them pass. The next time we go out I would like to be the four of us. I am not asking you to wait for me. Just feel I should tell you.”

Oh boy, here comes Cameron #2 with the issues and contacting you at the best moment for them, but worse for you, to do so.

If Bob got to learn anything from me would be that he knew I wouldn’t make a scene at my job by calling him at work and raising hell over the phone, especially when having my GF’s husband sitting close to him.

But just like Cameron, he was also a coward, not having enough balls to tell me straight forward that he no longer wanted to have anything with me. My bestie was right, E.D. for sure.

I waited to end work for the day and went home, analyzing what my response to him would be. This guy may have tried to get away by entering the no-spin zone, but I just took my time to circle around in gravity until I was ready to land.

Once at my apartment, I edited the message on my phone until I felt it was the right one. Let’s say it was the calm before the storm.

“So nice of you to tell me over a text like millennials do and in the middle of work. You did and said exactly like the last guy I dated. We all have issues. You knew you had them. You just used me to alleviate some of the emotions while dealing with this. And I can meet with my friends on my own. I don’t need you for that.”

I then texted my bestie with his and my text. “Boom goes the dynamite”, replied my bestie.

“There’s something here that doesn’t fit,” continued I. “Maybe my GF’s husband said something to Bob that made him walk away, like, ‘Look, my wife and I know what Emma has gone through these past years. She is someone we care about and don’t want see her get hurt. You’re a great guy, but you’re not for her.”

“I don’t know,” said my bestie. “I think guys don’t sugar-coat anything to one another, but tend to keep things more to themselves than confronting their buddies. But don’t dwell on it. It’s done.”

Some weeks later my GF came over to my place for a drink. After some conversation, there was still no mention from her about Bob. Her husband happened to be traveling for work, so I took advantage of the moment to finally ask her.

“Didn’t your husband tell you that Bob and I had been going out?” asked I.

She gave me a look of ‘no, I didn’t’. I gave her a quick overview of what happened (including the selfie), to which she said something like, ‘I think his ex-wife is bipolar or something’, and that apparently he has been seeing other women. I guess his boat has traveled more miles than what I thought.

Just as we were in that talk, her husband called. “How come you didn’t tell me about Emma and Bob?”, asked she to her husband.

“My husband says that he did look at the picture, but didn’t see that it was you. He doesn’t pay attention to details. He never does,” said she upon finishing the call.

Now things were starting to make sense to me. But the part of him disappearing, not exactly there.

My GF tried to get to the bottom of it, basically making me look as the one who brought it upon myself. I didn’t tell her about the comment. She even questioned my lack of enthusiasm for the boat.

“If you sleep with them, they leave you. If you don’t sleep with them, they also leave you. And I’m not going to pretend anything. If I’ve had, then he would have said that I had lied to him and the outcome would have been the same,” said I.

Needless to say, she and I engaged in a discussion about men that almost escalated into an argument, which was totally ridiculous.

We couldn’t find a middle ground, so I literally raised my arms and said, “I don’t want to talk about this any longer.”

I didn’t wanted to talk about Bob, any guy before him, whether I was right or wrong, if I had acted well or not, if I was to blame for him dumping me, my past. It’s like all that baggage I had struggled with since becoming single decided to suddenly wash up shore.

I think my GF called me about an hour later after going home to apologize. “Emma, I’m sorry. I got carried away. You know I only want the best for you.”

“I know. And I’m not upset with you,” said I in a tone pretending to show I wasn’t taking it personal.

I listened to her, but in my mind I kept telling myself, ‘I’m not crying over this or anything else.”

The last I heard of Bob was on Christmas Day at my GF’s home. She referred him as Bobby, and can’t recall what she said about him. I gave her a look of ‘don’t care to know’. Quite honestly, I don’t give a shit.

This is just a repeated story that ended with a swipe left.

 



{January 23, 2017}   The Swipe 18 – Having E.D.

I kept seeing Bob after the boating (and bad comment) day. Surprisingly, I managed to put the incident aside, which is a first for me.

Fact is, Bob was a contradiction within himself. Up until then he had been respectful and well-mannered, always asking me how I would feel about doing anything, including holding my hand one night when we went out to eat. And then the incident happened.

It was like a dual personality in which the second gets quickly triggered by something, to then going back to your original one in an instance.

Regarding holding hands, it wasn’t exactly smooth sailing for me either. It was another thing I hadn’t done in quite some time, but decided to do it to find out how it now felt.

Honestly, it was a mid-point reaction for me; it didn’t felt as great as I hoped for, nor something I wouldn’t do again with him.

There was an obvious six degrees of separation within me towards Bob when we took a stroll together one night. I even sat across from him at a restaurant table, not side by side. I was close to him, but not that close in reality.

Heck, maybe my mind still had his awful comment on high alert, making me pull away as a subconscious self-defense mechanism.

All the while neither Bob and I had commented to anyone that we were dating, not even the couple friend of mine.

Eventually Bob showed the husband the selfie of our first night out. Bob said the guy reacted with surprise that there was a female in the picture. Bob then told him to look closer at the photo and when realizing who it was, he then reacted with more surprise.

But what was surprising to me was that I was sure my GF would call me immediately upon learning about it, which didn’t happen. There was no mention of it, even on one time she and I went to dinner by ourselves.

Bob even said that he had suggested to my GF’s husband that we should all go out to eat together, to which he agreed, but a tentative date was not set.

From this point forward, this is how I remember the next sequence of events. I met with Bob for dinner on a Thursday because he had plans the following evening to meet with his children.

It had been a long work week for me and after getting a slight buzz from a very cold beer, I blurt out to him, “do you have any hair left on your head?” (Hey, he had the nerve of saying something out of line and now it’s my turn, don’t you think?)

He gave me a puzzled look and responded that he still had some, but that he preferred to just shave it off every day.

I kept staring at him and felt like asking, “why?? don’t you miss having a full set?” Oops, talking about having a bad hair day.

Saturday came and I was watching the Olympics, as a female athlete from home was to compete for the Gold medal, the first one for us.

I spoke with Bob sometime before it and his tone of voice sounded very disconnected. At no point did he invited me to his home or showed any enthusiasm when I told him about the match. It was like his alter ego had showed up again.

The game happened; we won. I cheered and cried like a baby, even took a video of the medal ceremony. I called Bob shortly after.

“Did you see it??? We won!!! OMG, this is so awesome…” I kept on and on. He listened to me, but was totally emotionless. There was never an instance of him saying something like “congrats” or “great” that would equal the immense joy of the moment. He didn’t give a shit about it.

He had disappointed me a second time, but I let it pass again because of how great I was feeling.

I believe I called him the next day just to say hello. I even asked him if he wanted some company, to which he replied, “I’m doing laundry”.

Damn dude, you probably wash your clothes in cold water because I just felt getting soaked with that right now. Do you know what a ‘fabric softener’ is by any chance?

I didn’t say anything again, but it was the third time that he was a dick.

I was so upset I even consulted with my bestie (please see The Ex-Friend story) to get her opinion.

“Guys nowadays have no fucking idea of what they want,” said she. “That being said, how can they have a relationship with anyone? I know this situation sucks, but like I have told you before, better now than later. I think this guy’s problem is that he has E.D.”

“Make it more emotional dysfunction,” replied I. “It happens all the time. It all starts well and one day to the next they disappear without warning. I know the distance is a big issue for me and most probably would have become a decisive factor in the long run, but if you don’t want to keep going forward, just say it and we’ll part ways.”

“That’s why they’re dysfunctional. They’re using the wrong head to do anything,” continued she.

Whatever the reason, I wrapped around my own head the thought that this had come to an end. Even if this was bound to fail, it’s still upsetting that it’s a repeated pattern with the guys that have become present in my life.

I’m being flexible, open, letting things go with the flow, not take things so personal as my GF’s have told me, but there’s still these ‘spots’ with my connections that won’t go away even with the best bleach.

So what I’m supposed to do now? Switch detergents? Could be, but one thing I will do for sure is this: Read the label before using.

 

 

 

 



The boat day progressed without a hitch. We left at a reasonable time since Bob still had to wash the boat at his home, to then take it back to the trailer park.

On the way to his home I get a phone call from my mom asking me how my day was. I didn’t tell her I was out with a guy because I didn’t want to get into explanations about it just yet. Even more, I was sitting next to him in his truck, making it impossible to keep this conversation private.

Instead, I told her that my Saturday was the usual as always. All of a sudden, Bob makes a comment about me which I won’t repeat here because it was way, way, way out of line for its content, and even more inappropriate considering my mom could have heard it.

I will just say that I was very unhappy when hanging up the phone. I controlled myself of telling him anything because I was stuck on his vehicle.

When I sort of questioned him about it, he replied something to the extent that, ‘he is what he is and will always speak his mind’. Yep, just like the colors of the ocean, I finally saw one of his dark ones. He’s been using a filter until now and I wondered if this is was a preview of his other shades that are yet to surface.

I felt like asking him, “how would you feel if your daughter’s husband made that comment to you about her?” That would have definitely stopped him in his tracks and get me in big trouble.

Still, I kept my anger under control and decided not to make a scene of it. Maybe this is a one-time thing with him, maybe not. But it was definitely early to say.

We reached his home and he set out to wash the boat. He then asked me to empty the cooler and place any leftover food or drinks in the fridge.

Standing at the kitchen sink, I finally had the chance to look around the place with more detail. What struck me was that there were different pieces of furniture or decorations that didn’t really go well together. It made me confused as to what design style he was trying to present.

The other thing that got my attention was the repetition of the color brown in the dinning table and chairs, the big sofas in the living room, the bedroom and bathroom.

It was specifically a dark wood that made the spaces look heavy and that, dark. Even the bathroom fixtures had a dark cooper color. Even more, the room was itself dark as there was barely any light coming in.

I don’t know if Bob is trying to pull his own ‘man cave’ in his sleeping quarters, but I guess this is the closest as it gets.

Some time later Bob came back. He completed everything that he usually does after spending a day on the boat. We then sat down at the kitchen to have a drink.

He said that his house was the model home when the complex was under development, and that some of the decorations were part of those used when showing the property to potential buyers.

‘Oh, no wonder’, I thought to myself. I honestly would have put them right next to the garbage bins for anyone to take them before moving in. Whatever was left should have been donated to charity.

Regarding the darkness, Bob explained that because people had broken in into his home, he closes the shutters in his room and the doors leading to the backyard for security. He opens them when he gets home.

I would do the same had it been my house, but I felt trapped, so much that I told him he needed to open the shutters and doors for the yard, as I was getting anxious. I quickly went outside and breathed a sigh of relief.

I may be exaggerating, but I prefer the big windows in my apartment that provide a lot of light and sense of tranquility, which is contrary to him. In other words, my home = light, sunshine; him = dark, cave.

I don’t know how it happened, but he started telling me with a sort of sad face that he had been the one that had distanced himself from his wife, making me understand that the end of the marriage fell solely on him.

Because of that, he felt that the right thing to do was leave her the home they shared and take care of some things to make her life, and that of his children, as comfortable as possible.

I could have asked him to expand on the causes of the distancing, but it felt that his divorce had been so long ago, it made no sense getting any more information.

By this time I had forgotten the phone call comment and decided it was time for me to go home. We again said the usual that we would talk again one of these days.

You may ask, what do I think will happen next? To be completely honest, I’m as much in the dark as with any other guy I’ve met.

Boating again perhaps? Not sure. I think I would rather stay on solid ground for the time being.

 



{January 9, 2017}   The Swipe 16 – Sink or swim

The Saturday that I was supposed to go on Bob’s boat finally arrived. After all the times he has been on my side of the world, it was time for me to go to his. Besides, I also wanted to see what it looked like, as it is another important detail to consider when being with someone in any capacity.

He was kind enough to come my way for me to follow him home. I’m glad it happened that way because it was far from where I live and, knowing how I am, I would have most probably gotten lost. And I’m not a happy camper when that happens.

I also wondered how traffic is like during the weekdays, and how he deals with driving to work back and forth all the time. I was surprised the commute hasn’t taken a toll on him.

He lives in a controlled-access neighborhood and his house was the first one you found upon entering the property. The residence is also right next to the pool area.

Bob gave me a tour of his home; the garage was all decked out with two motorcycles all nicely covered and taken care of. (And, no, I didn’t say anything like, ‘can we go for a ride?’, nor did he ask me if I would like to.)

Inside his residence there’s the typical you would find: 3 bedrooms, kitchen, baths, backyard, etc. There wasn’t anything at first glance that raised a red flag with me.

The walkthrough was done rather quickly, as we still had to go buy some food and beverages, get the boat, and then head to the marina.

While at the supermarket he asked me what I felt like eating, to which I said that ‘pretty much anything he went for would be fine with me.’ I know he wanted to please me, but I was raised in that you ate what was served to you, whether at home or not. And I know you don’t want to get complicated while on a boat either.

We settled for one of those value meals so in case there were leftovers, you could still take advantage of them at home later on.

We then went to get his boat at a trailer park not far from his house, which I found to be super convenient. Because he drives a truck, he’s able to tow his boat with ease.

I stayed inside the vehicle while he connected the trailer to the truck. He had told me he does this by himself all the time, but I kept looking back from my seat in case he needed my help. I thought that making myself useful was the least I could do to thank him for his invitation.

We then went to the marina where we had to make a line to put the boat on the water. Once the process started, I made myself useful again by helping him secure it with the ropes on the dock while he parked the car, putting things inside, and later pushing the boat off the dock when ready to go.

Before taking me to a channel he usually goes to, he took me around offshore. It had been a long time since I last saw reefs, the change of colors in the water, making it feel all new to me.

Upon arriving to our destination, I once again got into action by offering my help on anything he might need. The location was shallow and full of boats. It honestly looked like a trailer park or neighborhood on any given day.

As the day progressed, we hanged out on the water and had lunch. Every so often Bob would ask me if I was having fun. I gave him the honest answer, like I did before, that ‘it has been so long since I was last on a boat, that it felt like it has never happened.’ And that, yes, I was enjoying the day.

Honestly, I was. There was no reason for me to feel discontent, as he had done all he could to make this moment enjoyable.

What was circling in my mind was that if these invitations to go boating continue in the future, would I be able to have as much fun as he does?

Maybe not, but good enough for me to want to do it again. I mean, he is the one who is doing all the work to get to the water. And I was analyzing the boating situation as a new one, not based on my past experience.

I won’t deny memories of the other boat crossed my mind of how much I got to dislike it and the one behind the wheel for being so intertwined. I literally went with the flow on anything with both, to the point that Sunny Days were no more for me.

On the other hand, why am I getting so ahead of myself? I should know already how it all goes. It has happened to me before that guys have dropped off the radar without no explanation one day to the next. So why not in this case?

Let’s face it: the fact that we live in separate counties is good enough reason, for whatever is happening between us, to go straight to the bottom of the ocean and end.

His house is here. His boat is here. His children and grandkids live here. His whole life is here.

I may be renting, don’t have kids or any other attachment that holds me where I am (except my job), but I’ve created my own life the same way as he has.

If one of the two had to make the drastic change to make this work would had to be me because I’m the less complicated one, which looks very far away in the horizon.

So what am I supposed to do now?

How about jumping ship and swimming to shore while I still can?

 

 



After this long-extended first date, Bob and I continued seeing each other once a week and speaking on the phone almost every night.

Among the new things I learned about him was that he had a motorcycle and boat. Regarding the first, he is part of this group of cyclists that get together when someone organizes a meetup via email. One Saturday he texted me some photos before they all went for a day-long drive.

Asking me if I have been on one, he was surprised to know that, unfortunately, that has not happened with me.

I told him the ‘closest’ experience was riding a scooter in a Caribbean island with my ex when we were in the initial part of our relationship. I wanted to add humor to my anecdote, so I said that ‘we drove all over the place on one day’, that each time a stop was made in a street light, ‘I would get up from the seat to stretch, as my body began hurting after a while’.

What was really hurting was my butt, but I didn’t wanted to use that language with him just yet. And I know I shouldn’t be including my ‘x’ in conversations, but, at the same time, I didn’t say anything negative about him in this instance because it had been a nice experience for me.

Bob then asked me if I would like riding a motorcycle, to which I said that ‘yes, I would be open to doing that’, but that I would have to do it a couple of times before I gave him a more concrete answer as to whether I like bikes or not.

Regarding boats, I do have experience with that. I explained to him that during ‘my past life’ there was one that we owned, and that I was enjoying it at the beginning. But after a while of waking up every Sunday, rushing to the marina, spending a few hours on it, to then quickly rushing back before the lift stopped working for the day, washing it, giving it maintenance, dealing with the hot weather, etc., it eventually took a toll on me.

It became unenjoyable of working the whole week, then doing chores or errands on Saturdays (basically meaning having only 1 free day of some rest). Even when considering vacations, the boat had to be included somehow, which also took the fun away of planning or doing anything different that was non-water related.

As much as I tried to digest it, reality is that you either love boating or not. It’s either or. There’s no middle ground here. Even if you feel so-so about it, it means that you don’t.

My ‘x’, on the other hand, had been boating since forever. Even more, his grandfather and father have owned boats.

This is so engrained within him, that when I told him one time that I didn’t want to go out on the boat, he took it very personal in that I didn’t wanted to be him, which wasn’t true.

I tried to explain myself to Bob as objectively as possible, with an unfortunate tone in my voice that ‘it was me that wasn’t feeling the boat’, hoping not to point the finger at anything or anyone.

But when I mentioned that my ‘x’ took it personal me not wanting to be in the boat, I accidentally said that “it was always about him, my marriage was all about that: him.”

It was a sad and hurtful moment to realize. It never occurred to my ‘x’ to ask me about my feelings that day about the boat or anything else that had to do with me. As long as I did everything he expected of me, all was ‘fine’. He never cared to go below the surface and see what was causing the whirlwind within me.

Bob then wondered how I felt about boating in general, to which I said that ‘I haven’t done it for so long, it feels as if I’ve never experienced it before; that I would also need to do it a couple of times to define what my feelings are about it in the present’.

I may have sounded negative, but I wasn’t going to jump all over with excitement about joining him on the boat if that was not the case. I know that it’s worse to lie to others because it will bite you back later on and can be turned against you. I prefer to be straightforward in the beginning so if the other person doesn’t like it, then better now than later to part ways.

In spite all that I said, Bob still invited me to join him on his boat on a Saturday. Nice. At least he seems to understand where I’m coming from. I think.

I did mean what I said that I would be willing to give it a try. Just because I have bad memories doesn’t mean I can’t create good ones now. Who knows, I might shift all the way to liking it completely.

You may ask if I have any emotions still linked to the first boat mentioned (and that guy). I will tell you this: after all these years being single, I now feel a huge relief that I don’t have to deal with anything related to both any more.

I have sailed forward the best of my ability and have discovered more than some new worlds.

I have found the calm after the storm.

 

 

 

 

 



{December 26, 2016}   The Swipe 14 – Not unusual

“Hi, nice meeting you finally,” said I to Bob while shaking his hand and kissing him on the cheek. I sat down with him on the reception area of the bar/restaurant to wait to get a table.

“You look nice,” said he to me. “Thanks, you too,” replied I. I was glad he complemented my attire. What he was wearing may have been simple (dark trousers and a white long sleeve shirt), but it suited him well.

Something that did get more of my attention was that he was wearing a long gold necklace that he kept inside his shirt. I did my best to keep my vision on him, and not down this shirt. But I have to admit I was curious to see what was at the end of it, don’t know why.

I mean, I’m personally not against men wearing necklaces, tattoos, piercing, or earrings. But if it is with somebody I’m involved with somehow, then they will bother me, and my attitude for them hasn’t changed with time.

From all those I only wear earrings, which is socially and culturally accepted for women. But I only have the traditional one hole per ear. If I was to wear anything else on my ears, it would be something that wouldn’t require more piercing.

Where did my distaste for the above mentioned started is a total mystery. After all, I like things that are related to creativity and expressing yourself (like fashion). Unfortunately these don’t sit well with me.

I agree that you have to see beyond what’s outside a person, but even if a guy is the best one in the world, I know it will become an issue with me in the long run.

Bob and I kept talking for a few minutes and then were seated in the bar area at one of those tall tables. The ambience, decor, and people was nice. Bob was more impressed as I was with the location.

“I’m glad you like this place,” said I. “I hate recommending places to people and then turn out to be disappointing.”

After each got a drink and continued with the conversation, Bob says to me, “I have a couple friend of mine who lives in the area.”

Oh, oh. It’s time for me to reveal my secret.

“I have a confession to make,” said I to Bob while looking at him with a revealing smile on my face. He looks at me as if I was about to say something that would change the course of humanity.

“That couple you’re talking about, I know who they are. They’ve been my good friends for years,” said I. “But they don’t know I was to meet with you tonight.”

Bob was really surprised at what I said, and even more when I told him the reason behind me swiping right when I saw his profile on the dating app.

He told me how he met my girlfriend’s husband at work, that he had been at their home for dinner on several occasions, and other things I already knew about my friends.

The night went along very well, a lot more than I expected, even as far as getting selfies of us together. We even ended up late in the evening eating Cuban food at a famous restaurant that he hadn’t been to before.

The night even got an additional twist when another colleague of Bob showed up at the restaurant with a woman, and they got seated right next to us.

Before Bob said hello to him, he mentioned to me that the guy moonlighted during the weekends as an impersonator of a 60’s Welsh singer. The guy is so into what he does, that his mobile ringtone is that of one of the artist’s songs.

Even more, the guy doesn’t silence his phone when it rings, so the song comes up full blast for the whole office to hear. Then all the guys start shouting, “shhh, turn it off!!”

When Bob finally greeted his colleague, the guy introduced the woman he was with as ‘his wife to be’. Bob then introduced me to them, also saying ‘my wife to be’.

I quickly turned and looked at Bob with total surprise (as in WTF??), and reacted without thinking by hitting him softly on his shoulder, with a look on my face of ‘get out of here’.

I don’t know why Bob made the comment, but if he wanted to impress both his colleague and me (maybe show off), he surely achieved that.

The third twist of the night was that Bob’s colleague said we should go see him perform the next night at some club I’ve never heard before. I thought to myself, “hell no!” Bob didn’t say anything about it, so I guess he felt the same way as me.

I think the night ended around 3 a.m. I was in his car and he drove me all the way back to the mall’s empty parking lot, and followed me home just before hitting the expressway for him to go home.

I can’t recall what was specifically said before getting into my car, but I’m sure I thanked and hugged him for the nice time we had.

The part about saying that ‘we should speak again’ was probably added to the mix. I mean, it’s a given that this would be said.

If you’re wondering how I would describe this first date with Bob, I could say that it was fun and different. Fun because I went to two places that I enjoyed being at. Different because Bob treated me well and he stood apart from other guys I’ve met.

And, yes, I think it would be worthwhile to meet with him again. And, no, it doesn’t translate that we will do the club thing.

If I need to be entertained by an artist, it would be with the real one. But in this case, the ringtone will work just fine.



et cetera