The New M.E. Generation











Continuing with the laughable posts, then there were those when this guy and the bitch would go out to a bar or restaurant. The photos were pretty much the same: them two sitting side by side on the table or standing up, she putting her arms on his shoulders, he with his arms crossed or palms closed on the table without making contact, looking away from her, sometimes with a funny look on his face.

“Look how glassy his eyes are. He’s had more than a few drinks and has a buzz. So typical of him,” said my bestie. “Worst of all, all those locations he appears at, he took me there when I visited him. He probably did it on purpose hoping to come across with that bitch and make her jealous. ”

“Really?? He probably did the same with me when I was at his mom’s. What an asshole!” said I. “It always puzzled me, and made me uncomfortable, the times we would see each other that either we had to go out for drinks, or would be drinking one glass after the other like water at his mom’s house. They would be too loaded for my taste and could only take a few sips.

Even after telling him that I didn’t want to drink, he would offer it again over and over. I don’t remember him being that way before. He liked to have a few beers with me and that was it.

He even told me that when he was living with the bitch, they wouldn’t go out much because they lived in an expensive city. But that once in a while they forced themselves to go out and have just one drink.”

“If I was in his shoes I would be much the same,” said she. “He might be pretending all that he wants, even liking anything that bitch posts, but he’s not that happy as he’s portraying to be.”

“I agree, said I. “Look at his body posture. When someone is with their arms or hands closed, it means they’re hiding something, that are not being honest. His shoulders are down because of her arms holding him like if he was some property of her. And there’s always a gap in their bodies; they’re not touching completely, which means distancing.

And that photo of him standing up, he looks like an old man about to fall down and his caretaker is holding him to avoid that. Those glassy eyes makes him look like his mind is totally gone or has no idea where he is. The hands look bloated like somebody that has some medical condition. But, he’s still with her. Unbelievable.”

“Because it’s easier to go back to what’s familiar to you,” said she. “He couldn’t score anything with you. Me, I did want to be with him, but not on his terms. I wasn’t willing to let him control the relationship. I told him that if it happened, he had to change a lot of things about himself. He got upset about that and tried to turn the situation around against me, but I quickly put him on the spot.

He kept saying that, ‘this is the way I’ve been and will always be’, that ‘my OCD doesn’t let me do things differently’, that ‘the way I am has worked for me’. But he knows I don’t buy any of that, and was not going to feel sorry for him and let him manipulate me.

Being with the bitch works for him because he thinks he’s in charge. Because she behaves ‘como foca de circo’ (like a seal in the circus), that applauds him on whatever he says and does, that’s why it ‘works’.

Also, he always said that ‘él es un enfermito’ (he’s a kinky guy). It’s better to just reach for her and get what you need, instead of having to start from scratch with a stranger. I mean, look at him, who wants to be with him, especially with that religious fanaticism and unstable life?”, continued she.

“When he visited me and wondered if he could share my bed with me, it didn’t make me feel good. He had always told me to be choosy about the guys I would be with at any level. I may know him since being an adolescent, but his proposal gave me the same uneasy feeling as with any other man. It was like he was violating my trust for him. Besides, just thinking that he had sex with that bitch disgusts me. No way will I do it with him,” continued I.

“I really wish their relationship explodes big time, especially from her side. He kept telling me that she wanted to live in a way that was beyond their means. She likes getting her nails done weekly, buy nice jewelry, go out to restaurants. I hope when things financially get really bad and she realizes that her dream lifestyle will never be, she ends up leaving him,” said my BFF.

“She won’t leave him as long as you and I are on the loop,” said I. “If she does, in her mind it means she lost and it’s an open field for you to come back into play. And I’m 4 hours away from his mom’s house, which is also a threat to her. Plus she’s an attention whore; she has to keep up the drama in front of her peeps.

But when you’re in a toxic relationship, this is what happens. They’ll go down one day like you’ve said before. It will not end well.”

“You know what I thought about one time? Asking him to meet me in a hotel and when he opens the door, then both of us are there. I can just imagine his face when he sees us,” said she.

“Don’t worry. There will come a time that you and I will get the chance to get back at him, either in person or online. We’ll just know,” continued I. “A plan will be made and executed, guaranteed to give them both a big slap on the face. But as he always said, ‘calladita te ves más bonita’ (being quiet makes you look prettier),” concluded I.

Yep, pretty as in smart, intelligent, well-mannered, classy, and soon-t0-be, smart-ass.

‘I feel pretty, oh so pretty…’

 



I would be lying to you, and myself, if I told you I stopped finding out the whereabouts of this guy through social media. Although I wasn’t ‘following’ him, I still had access to go into his profile and check out what was happening. And if I wanted more details on anything, my bestie was the one to go to for the whole scoop.

You may ask why I do this, considering all that has happened. Sometimes, as much as it may continue to hurt or upset you, you just have to know.

In my case, I try to look at things and find a humorous side (there’s one if you try hard enough, trust me), to remind myself that not having this guy in my life is the best, even if you don’t know all the reasons why just yet.

Take for example the time this guy and the bitch took a trip to NYC. The posts started way before they entered the city by car, including taking photos of idiotic things such as exit signs and writing even more moronic captions (“we’re about to get there” or “here we come”).

It got even worse when they took one of those ferry boats that people use to commute from one side of Manhattan to the other. This guy posted, “honey, here’s our ‘cruise'”. WTF? What do you mean with the quotation marks? Close but no cigar? That you don’t have money for the real thing, so you had to settle for ‘la lancha de Cataño’?

I was laughing so much, I took a screen shot of it and send it to my BFF. It was one of those moments that you can’t control your laughter and almost cry as well. She and I exchanged every humorous emoticon we had and kept making fun of it like little girls in school sharing gossip.

I then saw that they went to see a baseball game and were posting more photos of them pretending to be the happiest couple in the world. His captions read, ‘thank you to the baseball team at (the last state he lived, where he used to take part in their softball team) for the tickets.’

“Those tickets weren’t free,” said my bestie. “He keeps boasting about things other people give him, but there’s always some cost involved. He just wants to come across as having all these friends that supposedly love and care for him, when in reality many of them have turned against him by his own fault.”

“So the airline tickets are the same thing?” asked I.

“Of course! How it goes is that his ‘bro’ is allowed an amount of airline flight vouchers for friends and family. When someone wants to use one, the friend has to submit the request to his employer and the price as an employee is charged to him. Then the person who’s using the ticket reimburses you. That’s why you have to fly on standby,” continued she.

“I don’t remember him telling me that he had to pay. No wonder he spoke so highly of his ‘bro’ so much,” said I.

“I feel sorry for that ‘bro’ of his. He’s a good person, but unfortunately controlled and manipulated by this other guy. He’s using the ‘bro’ to get what he needs for himself and that bitch, but I’m sure he owes him a lot for those tickets. And I wouldn’t be surprised either that the ‘bro’ has lent him money as well,” continued she.

“You’re right; I never thought about that. I always wondered how he managed to pay for them when he has been without a job. Can’t believe how foolish I am,” said I.

“That’s the thing; the ‘bro’ puts up with him and helps him because, unfortunately, he doesn’t have that many friends, a wife or family to account for. This guy should count his blessings, ’cause you never know when his ‘bro’ turns around and demands payment,” said she.

“I remember the story that this guy would tell his ‘bro’ that he needed to change his work schedule from working nights and getting 3 days off, to something normal like most people do, if he wants to meet someone. Well, that’s what he said,” continued I.

“I think that situation is true; the ‘bro’ has no reasons for fabricating stories. He’s a good person, but someone who doesn’t see farther from what’s there in front of him,” said she.

“I wouldn’t feel good about myself owing money to you and his ‘bro’. Wow, he has really managed to get what he wants, either emotionally, financially, or whatever else, to later act like he doesn’t owe people anything,” said I.

“Yep; worst part is he always said that the bitch ‘le debe dinero a las mil vírgenes’ (she owes money to all the thousands of saints). But, like him, is trying to make everyone believe that their relationship is so great. Bah!

Just look at him up close; he’s fat, looks old and bloated. The clothes, I’ve seen him wearing them and he keeps using them over and over. She, please, looking cheap as always, plus overweight.

When I was with him, he didn’t have much money, but his clothes always looked impecable. He also watched his weight and exercised. He looked real nice. When you make a comparison, he’s not even a shadow of what I used to know,” said she.

True that. It thought I would get sad, but instead laughed slightly and looked up. Yes, people change and not always for the best. And put themselves in situations that makes others laugh at you and not with you.

It’s like when you play baseball. You stand at home plate and decide whether to take a swing at the ball or not. Maybe you hit it the right way and sometimes you hit people in the wrong place. You may argue that you’re having bad luck in the game of life, but in the long run, people will ultimately realize that you’re bluffing and just want to ‘steal the bases’ for your own good.

 



As time progressed, my bestie and I tried to make fun of whatever this guy and the bitch posted, even as insignificant the post would be, as it was perhaps the only way ‘to get back’ among ourselves to all this guy has done.

For example, clothes. One time there was this photo of both wearing an item of clothes in red, for Valentine’s, of course. He a long sleeve shirt, she a dress.

“That is so idiotic wearing almost the same thing as your significant other,” said I. “And that multi-color tie looks so 80’s! He looks like a waiter in some seafood restaurant. And that dress of hers looks sooo cheap! It’s one of those that not even the thrift stores want it because it won’t sell.”

“More like a casino dealer to me,” said my bestie. “Had it been me, I would never let him go out looking like that. And that shirt is not new. I remember seeing it when I was helping him pack for his move and I asked him about it. He refused to part ways with it like so much other stuff he had. He kept arguing that it was his OCD, blah blah blah. But that’s what happens when you let yourself be influenced by people who don’t have any class; you become like them.”

There was another photo of him at work wearing his mechanic uniform of a blue short sleeved shirt and shorts (that were held in place by a dress belt and the waist folded a few times), white socks and special black shoes (which the front part were worn out and had lost color).

“OMG, he’s so fat he looks like a stuffed sausage,” said I. “And what is that of using a dress belt with his work clothes? What did he do? Buy a ‘one size fits all’ pants so he could use it during all of his weight fluctuations?”

“And those shoes,” said my bestie, “I can understand that you may not want to buy new ones if the current ones are still good. But, please, get yourself a bottle of shoe polish and cover up those scratches. Even the dollar stores sell those.”

I think the funniest photo was one time he received a professional certification for completing a job. He was with the bitch and wearing a long sleeve black jacket, a lime colored polo shirt, and khaki pants.

“Those pants look so big on him; the legs area are really wide. And his hands are so swollen! He must have gained more weight,” said I. “When I first saw him he was somewhat chunky, but nothing bad. The next time he was really thin with a worn out face. He said it had to do with all that he was going through with the breakup and else. The following one he had gained it back, plus more. And his clothes, he seems to be using the same ones over and over.”

“He definitely has gained weight,” said my bestie. “And, yes, he looked bad when he lost it. He looked like someone who just came back from war. When I was with him during his move, he wasn’t taking care of himself. He wasn’t eating, the apartment was dusty and disorganized. It was such a sad place to be physically and emotionally.

And that jacket, pants, and lime polo, he’s had those for the longest and wears them constantly. You can tell they’ve been used far too many times or are out of style because the colors have faded. They’re those he should have started giving away and getting new ones little by little. I miss the days he always dressed so nice. He has turned cheap on that and other things, unfortunately.

Regarding food, he used to take me out to eat and would insist in sharing a plate to save money, or he would take home anything leftover. I understand that it’s not good throwing food away, but if it’s less than a few bites, just leave it.

At least she looks better dressed than him.”

“Next to him, anything that she wears looks good, even on her worst days,” said I. “She looks as bloated as he is. Those pants of her as so tight, they’re about to burst any moment now.”

The ones bursting with laughs were the both of us. Same say laughter is the best medicine. It may not cure all the bad feelings we may still have, but for today, it was just the right dose.



{June 27, 2016}   The Ex-Friend 41 – I spy

I kept to myself after this conversation with the mom. My bestie, though, knew pretty much what was going on with this guy. She had managed by herself, or through others, how to find out the information she needed. Her tactics seemed taken out of a thriller novel.

There was also the situation that because my BFF used her credit card to finance all of his expenses before and after he left to the Pacific, she has to contact him every month to get payment from him.

“If it was me, I would have long gone from his life, but I’m stuck with this issue until he pays it off. Doing payments of $100 each will take forever to do so,” said she. “I’ve even told him he should get a loan to pay me in full to get this over with and I can disconnect from him as well.

He then tries to play with my emotions by saying, ‘I thought you and I were friends’, that ‘you know I’m in a tight financial situation’, ‘I don’t have a stable job right now’,  blah blah blah, even threaten that he won’t speak to me again if I get insistent on this.

But he wouldn’t dare do anything he says he will. He always said to me that ‘I am a very resourceful person’. He knows I have connections with people or ways to resolve things that would make his life miserable.

I remember when he broke up with the bitch and telling me that ‘she never did anything good for him and would have never accomplished in a year what I can in a day’.

Worst part is that sometimes he gives me a hard time to make a payment, or is delayed to do so, and when I text him about it he doesn’t reply, etc., only to find out he’s been vacationing with that bitch. How fucked up is it that he doesn’t have money to pay me, but does to travel, when I’m basically the one who made that possible for him, only to turn around and go back with that bitch who has never supported him financially?

And regarding his work situation, I’ve even gone as far as send him job links for him to apply to which he doesn’t. He keeps giving me all these excuses, keeps relying on his former ‘bro’ colleagues  (‘or putting in the Lord’s hands’ as he says) to find a job for him, or does nothing at all. No wonder when his contract expires he’s jobless.

I quickly tell him that ‘help yourself and God will help you’, that sitting his ass in the couch and creating a dent on it is not going to do anything for him, that he keeps ignoring the signs life is throwing at him that he, and only him, is the one to blame for his outcomes.

He’s quick to text all this bible passages with religious emoticons, trying to make me feel guilty about what I’ve said or point the finger at me. But I put him down, and in his place, each and every time. I’m not letting him get off the hook that easily. Not on my watch.”

“Girl, you’re my hero,” said I. Even more, she will be the one that takes him down. All things come around and when they do, the karma destined to him will hit him back. And when that happens I will be ‘sitting at my balcony, staring at my enemies walk by’ with a nice cold drink at hand, watching the action unfold like in any good movie.

“Women are more dangerous than shotguns” (The Godfather). Yes we are (my bestie and me, that is).

 



As soon as I hanged up my  mobile, I called my new ‘bestie’ to tell her about what unfolded on the phone call.

“Hey, I just spoke with this guy’s mom and she said that the bitch and him are set to be married in October!” said I in a tone like the world was about to end. Surprisingly she took it very well.

“Listen, when I first saw him again after all these years, he greeted me with lots of hugs and kisses, which took me totally by surprise. He was super happy, or so he pretended to be. My idea was to get together and talk everything out regarding our past relationship and move on.

I wasn’t expecting things to evolve, but they did. In other words, he eventually told me he wanted to get back with me and marry as well,” said she.

“He did?? What?? And he was telling me that ‘we could make a good team’? I know that sounds totally moronic when I now think about it, but he also wanted to be with me in a serious relationship. Well, that’s what I understood. He even said he was sure it would work.

It even got to a point where I was wondering if nothing was happening with other guys because it was meant for me to be with him, that I wasn’t seeing the signs that life was giving me,” continued I.

“I remember when seeing the pictures of the two of you during your vacation trip. I texted him that ‘so glad you and Emma are together’, meaning as in a couple, not of reuniting with someone you haven’t seen in years, which is what he thought I conveyed.

If the two of you have occurred, I would have been fine with it. And regards that so-called marriage, if this guy was that serious about it, he would have done so already a long time ago.

I think this is just something he’s saying will do to try to make his relationship ‘look legal’ in front of the church, his mom, and everyone else who was involved with him after his breakup. And another thing, how coincidental it is that his work contract ends at the end of October? How does he pretends to support himself without employment and she working cleaning offices earning minimum wage at a job that he found for her?

This sounds to me like some crappy show that now he’s the biggest religious person, that all has been forgiven, that all is possible if you believe in the Lord, blah blah blah. Please, who is he trying to fool? Himself? His mom? Certainly not me.

I’m not going to lose sleep over it. And trust me that it won’t happen. I know him,” concluded she.

It’s true; I thought I knew this guy well, but now I feel I never knew him at all. He looks like someone who was living a double life and was a master at it.

Question is, what was he trying to gain? Did he thought his plot wouldn’t get discovered? Why did he play a game with two people that cared and loved him so much?

Seems to me that he was getting back at us for whatever his reasons might have been. And he created all this fake scenery so we believed in anything he presented to us to lure us in. What he doesn’t know is that his net of lies is getting untangled and might turn up against him one day.

This guy may have worked all his youth at his father’s pharmacy and learned how to run a business, but he definitely needs a taste of his own medicine and get a lesson that people are not prescriptions that you self-medicate with depending on what you want to solve.

That being said, what happens next? For starters, stop calling the mom; I’m not interested in listening any more nauseating stories.

“One time I called her and she dished the whole conversation to that bitch,” my bestie said. Wow, major backstabbing. Make that 2 reasons; my phone call will give the mom ‘lots to talk about to her son’. How sad that this woman (who I once respected) is been brainwashed and controlled by her own son.

Other than the no calls, all left to do is sit down and wait for the official toxic wedding to begin, if that. “Is there is anyone here who objects to this, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

Hey bestie, want to crash a wedding? Hahaha.

 



{June 13, 2016}   The Ex-Friend 39 – I say so

As the months progressed, I kept in touch with my then friend’s former high school GF. The more we shared and compared stories, the more upset and insulted I became of all the lies that this guy said to me and I kept believing for the longest time.

It was a feeling of having been living in the dark, to then have the biggest revelation ever, and seeing everything in its true light. It’s not a ‘I did not see that coming’ situation, but rather one that was finally laying out the reality that I so needed to know.

It’s not an easy process; it’s like someone dear to you passes away unexpectedly and you’re trying to figure out the why’s of everything, to eventually having to ‘bury them’ for your own good in an emotional place that you won’t remember later it’s there.

Even though I wasn’t following him on social media, I was curious to know about his whereabouts from time to time, hoping one day his toxic relationship would abruptly end like the first time. I know it’s not right to wish bad things to others, but with him, I think my hatred was as close as the one I had with my ‘x’.

Still, I kept his mom out of all this and would contact her every so often just to know how she was doing. At one point I called her and we chatted without either one mentioning him.

After that I think I called back around Mother’s Day, but this time the conversation took a turn.

“Emma, are you upset with my son or something?” asked she.

I paused and thought it over before giving her an answer. “Well, yes, I am. I had told him that if he went back with that woman that I wanted no business with him. When I saw them together again in social media and questioned him about that, he told me they weren’t together, which is not true,” answered I (restraining myself from saying ‘he lied to me’).

“She has changed 360 degrees,” continued she referring to that low class bitch. “And they’re planning to get married in October.” I felt my heart getting hit with a fist and chocking.

“I don’t know about that, but he wanted to have a relationship with me as a couple, to which he proposed to me several times,” said I. She didn’t comment on that. “He had also told me that, no matter what, he was to spend new year’s with you and I was invited to join you both.”

“He was unable to make it because he’s working so much.” (Lady, please, stop defending him.)

“The guy I knew would have been honest about anything that related to us both. And if he couldn’t make it for the end of the year celebration or anything else, after trying exhaustively to make it happen, he would have told me and apologized in advance, not leave me in limbo like he did.” I felt like saying ‘waiting like an idiot for him to tell me’.

The mom gave a response that I don’t quite recall, but somewhere along the lines of trying to justify her son’s actions again, to which I then said, “I am treating him the same he taught me I should treat men.”

There was another ‘5-second delay’ or more from her. I can’t recall either what she said next, but she abruptly ended the conversation, probably realizing that anything she said about this guy that related to me I would discredit immediately or, better just, step on it like a bad insect you want to get rid of.

‘Sorry, but you’re not winning this one’ was basically my attitude in this talk. Sad to think that this guy was a carbon copy of his mom; they both thought they knew everything or had all the answers to it all, that others were to blame for their circumstances (‘we’re fine and you’re not), except that the mom didn’t fight back when confronted with the truth like he has been doing.

I used to feel sorry for the mom, but not any more after this call. I know she’s old and dealing with a medical condition. But after all the while she has known me, she didn’t make any effort of siding with me at least once?

“¡Eso no sirve!” (that’s not worth it!) is what he always told me. True that. Lesson learned.

 

 

 

 

 



I started the new year as quiet as possible, meaning, not thinking about the events that occurred previously, to instead focus how I was to move forward without this friendship.

I had made the decision of not calling or texting him any more; with social media, I stopped following him, but didn’t delete him. I know I should have done both since the goal was not to see or read any posts of him with that bitchy woman.

I think the trashiest post from her came when a huge snowstorm hit the area and she wrote, ‘staying home with my hubby doing playful things with him on bed’. Really? Why don’t you invite your female entourage to witness the act so you get more likes? Please, are you that desperate to get recognition from others?

Worst part was that she kept referring to him as ‘her husband’ and he at times to her as ‘my woman’ when they weren’t even married. Between both of them, they kept thanking the One above for getting back together, for making their love flourish again, blah blah blah. (Excuse me, I need to vomit.)

Spoiler alert: according to Catholicism, if you’re living with an ‘unpure’ woman outside the sacred sacrament of marriage, she’s a concubine (a.k.a., a whore). So spare me all these posts in which you’re wrongly using the Lord’s name in vain to not follow his rules, but yours.

It became annoying the repetitive posts through which they were ‘displaying’ this ‘wonderful’ relationship that had re-flourished, as if nothing from the past ever happened. If there were a ‘poster child’ for “dime de qué presumes y te diré de qué careces” (tell me what you’re bragging about and I’ll tell you what you’re lacking), this would be it.

I was in the process of getting all of this guy out of my existence when in late January I get a message from no other but this guy’s former high school girlfriend. Yep, the same one he briefly asked me about the day after the infamous kiss.

“Hey, Emma, don’t know if you remember me. Sorry for contacting you out of nowhere like this. But, have you heard anything from this guy? I haven’t in a few weeks…” said she.

A few weeks? What? OMG! It all suddenly hit me. She is probably the one this guy referred to as the female from the past that ‘don’t know how she found me in social media, but did’, the one who probably he was texting to that last night we were together.

When I told her that I hadn’t communicated with him since Xmas Eve, as well as to the why of my distancing, and she started telling me her version of the events, I was given a dose of reality that was hard to swallow. For example:

-She knew all along about my existence and was happy that this guy and I were traveling together, etc. She would have been delighted (and approve of) if we had become a couple (“Better you than that bitch”, said she).

-She was the one this guy was with when he traveled by road in his car back and forth between where he was living and his mom’s house (at the same times I visited). His story while traveling that ‘I couldn’t answer your call because I hit an area with no signal’ or ‘I checked in at a motel to rest overnight and fell asleep when you called’ were lies.

-When this guy was hitting on me and trying to ‘have some fun’, he managed to take it up a notch with her. Had he done with me, he would have ‘gotten some’ with 2 women in less than 48 hours.

-She was involved with the moving before he left to the Pacific (which he never told me; he only did of his ‘bro’), plus was the one who helped him with the storage space, tickets, etc., with a credit card of hers. That story that he used his own money was also a lie.

-This guy has gone as far as telling her that not only did he wanted to get back with her, but marry as well, when he was telling me that ‘you and I would make a good team’. So what was he trying to do, play us two (and maybe have the bitch on the side) at the same time, without either part finding out? How far was he willing to take this untelling of the truth?

And the list goes on. The more we exchanged emails that day, the more everything started to fall into place, but not exactly making sense. It was that feeling of ‘why me?’, of ‘why did you do this to me?’, of ‘what have I done to you to deserve this?’

This guy was supposed to be my friend, the main male figure in my life that never did me wrong, the one who always lead my way in anything guy related.

So what am I going to do now? Out with the old, in with the new. “Girl, you’re now my new BFF.”

 

 



My next recollection of events was that the holidays were rapidly coming upon us, signifying 2 things: his birthday month and that he had told me the last time that we saw each other that, “no matter what happens, I will spending New Year’s with my mom, and you’re cordially invited to spend it with us.”

Instead, I got surprised with other types of ‘gifts’. First, my girlfriend (who this guy got to meet during my birthday weekend way back and now was also his social media friend) tells me that ‘that guy is back together with his girlfriend’. WTF?

I go online and, sure enough, there they were in a restaurant together, posing cheek-t0-check, with a caption that read to the extent of ‘thank you God for bringing us together again’ with religious and/or love emoticons. His profile picture had also changed and included the bitch, and she was hitting Like to anything he posted.

Wow, just a few months back he gave me a kiss, had expressed an interest in being with me, plus complained for over a year what a bad person this woman was, and now he’s back with her? Major slap in the face.

Even more, I came to the realization he had posted all those photos with me and ‘wasn’t hiding anything from anyone’ so that this woman would see them and make her jealous, most probably to agitate things between them again and get her back. In other words, he used me, big time, as a means to an end.

Those two never really disconnected from one another digitally, so this bitch saw all that this guy and I were posting online. That’s why them two were still having arguments and contact way after they broke up.

Him ‘not hiding anything’ meant he kept his profile public for everyone, especially her, to know about his whereabouts at all times.What an asshole this guy is; he always told me to keep things private, as one never knew the consequences a post could bring.

He knew what he was doing and did it all on purpose. Talking about ‘having an agenda’.

I texted him that ‘I can see you went back with her’, to which he replied ‘no, we’re not back together’. Liar, liar.

When December 24 occurred, I miraculously got a hold of him on the phone. I know I didn’t have to call him, but because of the season, made an effort to put my differences aside.

‘I wanted to call you before going to service…’; he almost didn’t let me finish the sentence, to say out loud instead ‘¡no dejes de ir a la iglesia!’ (don’t stop going to church!!), with a tone of voice that someone uses when ordering you to do something that if you don’t, you’re going to be very sorry for the outcome.

‘I’m on my way to church with (the bitch)’, continued he. Truth is he sounded very arrogant, like someone who wanted to show off in front of the whole world what a grand religious person he pretended to be, including that low-class human being.

He didn’t care of anything else about me; he didn’t wish me Merry Xmas, ask what my plans were, nothing at all. All that mattered to him was that I went to mass, because he was convinced it would ‘resolve’ all my issues just like he thought it would do with this toxic relationship of his.

I hanged up and didn’t call or text him the rest of the month. Of course the supposedly trip to be with his mom never happened. I saw the photos of him celebrating his birthday and the location was not his mom’s house.

He was dressed with a suit holding a cake with both hands. No one else were in the photos. He looked totally moronic and was now sporting a closed-mouth smile, one of those that psychologists define as ‘used by liars and people who have secrets’.

It’s sad to think that the friend I used to know would have called and tell me he couldn’t make it, that he was very sorry for misleading me into something even him couldn’t guarantee would happen.

He would have made every possible effort to be with his mom and if that couldn’t happen, it meant there were very powerful reasons beyond his control. But instead he chose to be with that other woman, the one he got to hate with a passion; the one with the so-called lesbian relationship; the one who lied, used and disrespected him; the one he never said anything good about.

Oh, there’s one: “I like getting home and finding a horny, naked woman in bed waiting for me.” That’s it. Actually, it’s not even good. It shows how sexual this guy is and that he went back with her just for that. Ok; no problem. I want to see how this will ‘feed’ you after your job ends and the bills pile up.

I later learned through other sources that the alleged story about the incident where he was kicked out of the house by his former work colleague and finding a place of his own was not how he painted it to be. Turns out the house’s owner didn’t told him to leave; this guy left it because he went to live with the bitch. And he made up this whole other lie to make his departure seem legit and fool me along the way.

I spent New Year’s with the same people I always do, and did it quietly and as with much peace as possible. My main resolution: tearing his whole being out of my life and tossing it as far as I could, the same way he did with his car’s license plate when he crossed the state line. In other words, a new year, a new me.

Does it hurt? Plenty. Does it bring me tranquility? I’m working on that. Am I going to get back at him for all he’s done? Let’s say I have my own secret agenda and he’s at the top of the list. Check!

 



After this confusing weekend, this guy and I continued communicating, but in a limited way. He was either working all the time, and whatever free time he had was basically to run errands or go to church, where he was again in prayer groups or activities until late hours of the night.

The next incident that we had together some time after was that I copied him a text message that another guy I’ve been having an ‘on and off’ relationship had sent me. The situation with this other guy was that he would get upset with me either because of something I said, or as a result of my actions or behavior towards him. Whenever I said ‘no’ to him (like going out), this second guy would get really mad and would vent out everything that he hated about me via texting.

Even worse, the guy would write that he didn’t want me in his life any more, to later look for me again. Instead of me cutting ties with him, I would get into this very bad vibe of questioning myself that really took me to a negative place, and agreed to see him again, to try to make things better, to which encounters would fail over and over.

On this particular occasion, I got his text during a work day and had to hide my face so people would not see me cry. I was so sad and confused I tried calling my friend for support, to which he didn’t answer, and even ask him for his opinion to the text, to which he completely ignored the whole day, in spite me telling him I was emotionally not doing good.

When my then friend finally called me back, I was driving home from work, and he had this very, very, angry tone of voice. It felt like some diabolic spirit had taken over him.

“The reason why this is happening to you of having problems with guys, or not having a boyfriend, is because you haven’t forgiven you ex spouse,” said he.

Now I was the one who became really angry and demonic. “WTF??? You know what? I don’t have to, because I forgave him so many times, and he still cheated on me, disrespected me, gave him a second chance when he separated from me the first time, put up with things that you have no idea about.

He doesn’t deserve being forgiven because I did it so much, he got used to it as an entitlement and he didn’t appreciate my gestures. He doesn’t know what forgiveness really means and how valuable that is when someone gives it to you. He needs to remember how much pain he caused me, so hopefully that sticks in his head and maybe create some change in him.

I have lived all my life pleasing other people or doing what they expect of me. They are happy when I do, but don’t care if I’m not. If I say ‘no’ to others, then I’m the one with the attitude problem or the bitch. If I do as they comply, everything seems to run well; there’s no arguments, confrontations, fights, but reality is all is not good.

And did that help me with my marriage? No! My ex still divorced and remarried within a few months. Besides, who are you to tell me this when you have never forgiven your father or sister??” concluded I.

When he heard the last part, he got stuck on his words because he knew what I said backfired at him. Here he was trying to preach me his religious fanaticism to make me look bad and he be the ‘omnipotent’.

He kept arguing with me trying to win, only to find I wasn’t keeping quiet, or backing down, and snapping at him any argument he said.

The sad part about this is that he never apologized with me. He used to give me advice, listen, comfort me. Now he was just a bitter, angry, stubborn, closed minded, hypocritical, manipulative man.

Me, it has taken me a lot of effort and tears to get to a better emotional state, and wasn’t going to allow anyone to ruin it, even if it was at the expense of our friendship. Besides, he was the one to blame for all this mess.

And forgive for what I’m about to say: have you ever thought that maybe the reason why everything is not working out for you is because you are doing things the wrong way? Doing what the church or bible says is no guarantee that place in heaven you think so much you have earned will happen for you.

To forgive someone else is a privilege. In reality, one has to do the forgiveness to oneself and ‘disconnect’ from the other person as much as possible. This is what I did in my case; I came to terms that in spite all that I did to save my marriage, my ‘x’did everything to destroy it.

I don’t want to forgive him because I want those emotions inside of me to be a reminder that I will never again allow any other guy to do to me what my ‘x’ did. I know it’s not the Catholic way, but my way, the one that will give me the peace and strength to move on, which is what the One above want us to have.

Does this all mean I won’t forgive this guy? Let’s put it this way: “eso no sirve” (not worth it) is another quote of his that he used to use when he gave me his opinion about guys I’ve known. So, then, if I ‘practice what he preaches’, then you know what the answer is.

 



et cetera
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