The New M.E. Generation











I repeated the same route as before, except that this time I used the GPS that this guy ‘lend’ me, which made my drive stress-free.

I arrived at the mom’s house a little after lunch time and about an hour before his airplane arrived. His best friend that he worked with at the airline (to which he referred to as ‘his brother, my absolute best friend’) arrived shortly after I did, as he was to pick up the other guy at the airport.

It was nice seeing him again especially after the fun times we had together before. I understood why my then friend felt the way he did about him. It was almost as if this ‘bro’ was the male version of myself. The ‘bromance’ was as strong as my friendship used to be.

The mom had food ready for everyone, so we sat down to eat. The ‘bro’ literally gulped down his food; the mom was really looking forward to seeing his son and just wanted to go pick him up.

I, on the other hand, was very hungry, and wanted to see my friend, but had no intention of eating quickly. There was something within me that told me to slow down, to enjoy that meal, to place myself first.

The mom and ‘bro’ got surprised that I didn’t go with them to the airport. I think I even put a face of ‘it’s not the end of the world if I stay’. It might have been for both of them (mostly my friend), but I didn’t care.

I finished my meal a while later, picked up my plate and washed it. And I didn’t do it because I felt pressured from anyone, it was the right thing to do.

While at that, my friend and else walked in, and he had a very upsetting face. “Why didn’t you go to the airport?” asked he. “I was expecting you there.”

I gave him a blank stare of ‘so?’ and showed no remorse.

Looking back I now realize that I didn’t go for various reasons. First, our relationship had suffered greatly by his own fault.

Second, his attitude of ‘I’m better and know more than you’ hadn’t been sitting well with me for some time. He might think he’s ‘God’s greatest creation’, but to me he wasn’t and didn’t deserve my ‘undivided attention’ that I always had towards him. To the eyes of his mom and ‘bro’ he may still be that, but to me he had become his own worst devil .

Third, I’ve lived my life for others and fulfilling their expectations, including him, and that was no longer the same. Yes, I wanted to see him, but this trip was more about me taking a road trip and possibly having some fun.

But, I just got here and this guy is already giving me an attitude. What next? More religious one-liners that will create a hell on earth during my remaining 24 hours of visiting? Lord, help me!!!

 

 



Just when I thought that things with this guy seemed to be leveling down, I get a phone call from him in the middle of the day, about 2 months after his arrival to the place ‘he hated so much, he felt like tearing the license plate off the car once he crossed the state’s city limits”, just like he did one month after being in the Pacific, to inform me of the following: “I’m just calling you quickly to let you know that I’m getting out of here!!!”

‘Say what??’ I thought to myself. It was like Groundhog Day, when the same incident and words from a few months back had repeated again. “Getting out of where??” asked I.

“The place that I’m living,” said he very angry. “Today is my last day here. This guy told me I couldn’t be here any more, so I made a few calls to people I know, and thank God who never fails me, I was able to find a place to move in right away. I will call you at another time when I’m settled down.”

I didn’t really pay attention to the details of what caused him to go; when I heard the religious part I got nauseated and lost focus on the conversation. Plus, here was again another situation of him having a disagreement with other people, either personal or work related, that ended in a nasty dispute. See the pattern here? His bitchy ex-girlfriend, sister, father, friends, co-workers. And, of course, it was the other person’s fault, not his.

In this case, from what I understood, my then friend was living at a room at the residence of a friend and/or former colleague, who was letting him live in the space for free until he had enough money to find a place of his own.

According to his version, the ‘landlord’ asked him to pay or got upset with this guy for something, and told him he had to go by the end of the month. This guy got so upset at his treatment that he told him, “don’t worry about me leaving this month; as a matter of fact, I’m leaving today, right now!!”

I think this happened sometime in the middle of the work week, so the conversation ended rather quickly and me not having much of a chance to say or ask anything else. He didn’t have much possessions with him, so I don’t think he sacrificed much work time to complete his move.

If we did have a chance to speak about this again, I’m sure he would have been still very angry for the fact that ‘he thought this person was his friend, but proved him wrong’, that ‘he was clearly stabbed on the back’, and that ‘for some reason God wanted me out of there, so that’s why this happened’.

After all this was over, I was again sort of distant from him as I living too many familiar emotions: his behavior change, angry outbursts, being unreachable, secrecy, religious fanaticism. The excuse of ‘been busy with my new job’ was the best into keeping a distance.

I think a few months went by when he informed me that he was again going to visit his mom over the weekend (to pick up one of his cars he had left at her house, or something like that), and that I was invited to go there from Saturday to Sunday, if possible.

He told me ‘very last minute’ and I wasn’t all sure about it, but decided to go ahead. With so much happening from him, I was feeling that there wouldn’t be that many chances in the future of getting together.

In other words, it was a ‘now or never’ situation. I didn’t see it then, but reality was that the end of an era was slowly approaching and it would happen with a ‘bang’ in the worst of ways possible.

 



Things were off to a good start with this guy, or so it seemed. He kept quiet to himself after he started working as, ‘I have to make up for the lost money. Trying to work as many hours as I can, even weekends if that happens.’

It also seemed the living arrangements were working out as well. After the ‘people issues’ he had with co-workers in the Pacific, I was wondering if he would achieve of staying at the guy’s residence without incidents until he had enough money to move out to a place of his own.

One thing that didn’t change was his visits to church. Don’t get me wrong, but he was again isolating himself from the rest of the world, only associating himself with people that shared his mentality and way of being.

What also bothered me about his fanaticism was that if we spoke, he would be more interested in knowing that I had gone to church than me telling him about a guy I met. Even if I felt alone going to church by myself, or that perhaps mass wasn’t really working for me, all he cared was that I went, not how practicing my faith was making me feel or having an impact in my life.

Because of this I also started keeping personal matters to myself, so as not to get judged (or preached) by him as to what I had to do. So instead I concentrated on talking about trivial things like, “hey, I got a friend invitation from a guy from your high school class. I think you two were good friends back then? I don’t understand why he, or other guys, that I didn’t have anything with, send me this. I mean, he appears on the photo with a woman and children, so it makes me question what he wants from me,” said I.

“That guy you’re mentioning, yes, we were friends for some time, but I eventually distanced from him because he was doing certain things I wasn’t confortable with. But that doesn’t mean he hasn’t changed. And it seems he’s doing well from the photo you’re describing. Why he wants to ‘friend’ you is confusing to me too, but I would just ignore it.

I get invitations all the time as well. Some of those I delete instantly and others I keep, think it over, and then decide what to do, like with this girl…,” said he.

I don’t recall asking him anything about this particular female, but what I understood from him was that this was someone from way back who ‘he hadn’t heard about in years,’ that ‘he didn’t know how she managed to find him online, but she did,’ and that ‘I don’t know why she has reappeared at this point in my life.’ He spoke the last part with a tone that he was really analyzing if he should speak or not to her, handling the situation like it was a very delicate matter.

From what I remember him for, if it was someone that had hurt him badly in the past, he wasn’t very open in giving people second chances. It was more of, ‘you mess up with me, you mess it up with me for good’. That he would listen to what others had to say, maybe; it all depended on the severity of the incident and how things ended between both parts.

It wasn’t necessarily about forgiveness, even though that’s what Christianity teaches (to which he applied to his convenience), it was more of resolving whatever was left pending and each one going their separate ways again.

The way he expressed himself made it look like that, whatever happened, it was still much alive within him and not at all forgotten; that ‘I’m not allowing it to happen again,’ or perhaps that ‘so now you’re back, after all you did? really? what do you take me for?’

He made it sound that he had received the invite a while back and was letting it ‘marinate’, as in doing it on purpose to make the other person ‘sweat’, or make her feel she was in some sort of limbo for not getting a ‘yes or no’ response. Now looking back it seems more this guy wanted to punish this person from afar.

What’s puzzling looking back is that he has been extremely open about the bitchy ex and relationship, but kept anything related to this mystery woman sealed like it was a ‘top secret’ matter, while I was added to the mixture when he has told me that ‘you and I could make a good team if we were together’. He had even invited me to go visit him in the past. Sounds like a bad case of ‘musical chairs’ where you switch people around for your own benefit, without all participants knowing about it.

Yep, that’s how naive I was for believing him, or other guys, on whatever they said. This guy may not be into second chances, but I did, far too much, which was an invitation over and over to getting burned, lied, used, and unappreciated.

Reality is, sometimes we don’t need to visit the past, especially with us women. I’ve learned that the facts are right there in front of us; it’s just that we don’t want to see them.

If someone comes back, it’s fine to listen to what they have to say. Maybe they have indeed changed for the better. But, please, just do that: listen, you talk, give closure, move on.

You can also change as a person, but you can never change what happened or the hurt that came with it. Do with the guys the same as with the invites: ‘delete’ them. Forgive yourself, give the second chances to you only, and stop playing games with your feelings. That’s it; end of story.

 



“Hey, there’s a possibility of a job opening back in the state I swore I would never go back to,” said he in a call I received out of the blue.

“What? Are you serious?” asked I, more concerned about him going back to that place than the job actually happening.

“I contacted a guy I’ve worked with before that helped me get the position there the last time, as it seems he might be able to do it again. I filled out all the paperwork and waiting to get it all approved, etc.,” continued he. “I’ve been praying over this for many days and if this is where God wants me to go, then that it will be. Don’t know the reason why, but sooner or later I will.”

“Listen to me well; if you go back to there and get involved with that woman, I don’t want to hear it,” said I in an upsetting tone. In spite of all his complaints and bad remarks regarding his ex-girlfriend, to which I have listening to for about 2 years, I’ve seen before how people go back to toxic relationships, and with his behavior shifting so abruptly, combined with the denial that his time with the bitch was a total disaster, plus his religious fanaticism that had him in a delusional state that made him believe he could fix anything broken by just faith, making it a sure bet it would all repeat again.

It took a few months for all to get completed and off he went. He was again in a one-year contract, so considering the location and bad association with it, plus the failure in his one-month stint in the Pacific, I was holding my breath that at least he would find a way to stay there for the duration of the job.

His argument again was religious, which was still making me puke. I was sick of hearing about the endless hours praying at church, or that ‘someone else’ had made the decision for him or told him what to do. Oh, and he was strapping for money, of course.

Because he was financially bad, he went to live in a room at a buddy’s house of his to save some money until he could get a place of his own (“the Lord is good with me; everything is falling into place). Barf bag, please.

I sort of distanced from him shortly after he started working, not because I wanted him to concentrate all his efforts in what he was doing, but because I couldn’t stand any more how a ‘higher power’ was granting him all that he wanted and making all that he did seem so smooth and effortless; that he had achieved everything because of his faith and non-stop praying.

All that I wanted from him was to just shut up, work, and take a break from worrying again what the next step would be when the job ended.

Bonus if he comes back to visit his mom, invites me, and he is back to his old self.

Will ‘the power above’ work on my favor? Well, like he always said, “I’ll leave it in his hands.”



There was another occasion that I went back to visit him. I believe he was still without a job offer, so I was taking any opportunity to visit him. I think it was a long weekend, so I was told at work we would be left off early, which that usually doesn’t happen, so I didn’t pack my bag on Thursday night. I was also feeling sort of sick, so I figured out of resting Friday night and leaving early Saturday morning would be best.

Turns out we were left off early at work around 1 pm, so I went home, had lunch, packed, and left late around 3pm. It was crazy doing that, especially considering it takes minimum 4 hours to get to the location. On top of that, I still didn’t had a smartphone, so I relied on printed map directions, which took me really far off track.

When I got to the house it was already dark and I was very hungry. He greeted me sort of cold (as in ‘why did you had lunch at home? I stop along the way and buy a coffee or something when I travel by car’; that was another comment he always made when doing road trips) and when he saw how overwhelmed I was with the trip, he decided to ‘lend’ me a GPS he had in his car.

“If you give it to me, how are you going to manage?” asked I.

“I’m now using the maps app on my mobile. I kept the device as a backup. But I prefer that you use it; a woman like you, driving all alone such distances, you need something more secure,” said he.

I appreciated his gesture, but was puzzled by it, considering how complicated he has been behaving with me. It made me remember the guy I used to know.

On Saturday morning, my then friend had plans to visit the elderly couple friend of his to which I declined again. His best friend appeared and saved the day by taking me out. We pretty much did the same as before of going to lunch and walking around a restaurant area for a drink. No flea market though.

Unfortunately, when this guy and his mom were driving back from the visit, the mom’s car broke down on the highway and had to be towed.

At no time did he call his friend or me to ask for help. When we all got back home, my then friend was beyond angry. His eyes seemed about to pop out of his face for the intensity of his feelings.

Worst part was he again vented his frustrations at me that I didn’t do anything for them, but didn’t confront his friend.

“We’re talking here about an old woman who is sick, needed her meds, and hadn’t eaten for hours. At least some food could have been brought back,” said he.

I didn’t say a word the whole evening. I just got into the room I was staying, closed the door and stayed there. I think he later came around to suggest for me buying her mom lunch the next day to make up for it.

He also had a drink in his hand, which was pretty loaded. He offered it to me several times to share; I took sips, but small ones because it was too strong for me. It felt like one of those that people take when you need to ‘cool off’ about something bad.

What I felt like was crying, but I didn’t show it. I put on a strong face like he has always done and that I learned from him.

The next day his friend joined us again, so we went to a bar where I bought a round of drinks for everyone to make up for the day before. On Sunday we met up with my friend’s father and wife for lunch, supposedly as an invitation from the dad, but my friend ended up putting money for the tip or something.

My friend has been on this ‘on and off’ relationship with his dad as long as I remembered. There was even a time that they didn’t speak for years because, according to my friend, the dad wouldn’t tell the truth about certain situations, or avoided giving answers about anything related to him.

My friend also complained that his dad was very stingy and always put himself first. For example, when the father sold his business to retire, he didn’t consult him if he would have been interested in running it. The dad gave each child a portion of the sale, and that was it.

My friend was trying to have the best relationship possible, but I could tell he was still holding anger towards him and wasn’t willing to let that emotion go. In other words, he had no intentions of forgiving him.

The next day I had breakfast and left as early as I could, especially after my overextended travel on Friday. I was putting the GPS to the test, but used the excuse of driving alone, to get home when there was still daylight, to get away from the unfortunate moments that had transcribed.

I also felt farther away from him than distance itself. I had now transitioned into a new stage in my life and wasn’t feeling I needed his advice so much. I was more confident about myself and didn’t want anything to jeopardize that.

I guess I’ll just let the GPS do more than just lead the way.



I’m not sure how the sequence of events occurred after his return and I started my new job. I believe I finally paid him a quick visit about 3 months after, when I drove there on a Saturday, returning the next day.

On that occasion he wanted to go visit the elderly couple friend of him and his mom, to which I declined. I let him know softly that I wasn’t interested in making a 4-hour visit to them, especially with the limited time I had.

I could tell he wasn’t happy about it, but, honestly, they’re his friends, not mine. I know that they’re also old and living in an elderly apartment building, but I wanted to go out and have fun.

He repeated again that “I don’t know if this will be the last time I see them alive”, which I felt was a total exaggeration. They were old, but were not sick or had a condition to worry about. Their health was good and were taken care of.

Besides, I went there to be with him and his mom because, in a similar fashion, I didn’t know where life would take him or “I would see him again” after he founded a job.

Even more, I wasn’t going to fall on the trap of pleasing him or fulfilling his expectations towards me, which was another change in him that was sitting badly with me.

I spent the day instead with his best male friend, who in the past had been his colleague. He was very nice and took me to a flea market, lunch and dinner.

At the market I met a Kenyan man who was an artisan that worked on wood and stone. I ended buying a small bust of a woman that he carved by hand. His work was impressive and really spoke to me.

Before I left, the guy says to me, “if you have a chance to come back, please do so, as I want to tell you something.”

I’ve know that people from African countries had psychic abilities, so I was intrigued as to what he had to say.

When I got back to the house and told my friend about it, he wasn’t surprised or happy about my experience. He didn’t even say much about what I bought.

He had more of a sour face. Ever since he became an extreme religious fanatic, he rejects anything that doesn’t fit with his ideals.

That was another change in him I disliked. He used to respect other people’s view and beliefs. Now, if any one deviated from his mentality, even slightly, he would totally dislike them.

It was the attitude of “my way or the highway”. He was only socializing with people from church or other extremists. It was clear why he was alone or things were not happening to him (like finding a job). He is the one doing it all wrong.

Before I left the next day, my friend took me back to the flea market. I wanted to buy something else, plus speak to the Kenyan man and learn what he had to tell me.

I got to the place and my friend stood not too far away from me, but far enough not to hear the conversation.

“Something good happened to you recently,” said the man, which I knew it had to do with my new job. “And there’s someone interested in you, but…” He shook his head slightly from side to side in a ‘no’ gesture, with a facial expression of ‘I wouldn’t be with him if I were you’.

I think I quickly looked at my friend, as I knew it had to do with him, the one who was just a few steps away. I wasn’t surprised, more of another confirmation that getting involved with him would be a total mistake.

“I see you meeting a guy that will be good for you,” continued the man, this time with a very positive look on his face. “I think when you two see each other, you’re going to eat each other alive.”

Wow, that’s intense. It made me feel it was going to be like when two stars collide and create an explosion. Yeah, it sounded it would be that great.

When I was back in the car, I limited myself to what I shared with my friend. I said something to the extent of, “the man was right on point about something good happening to me recently.” I obviously refrained from the ‘other guy’ topic, and instead said that my life was headed the right way, that was overcoming my obstacles, and so forth, something more of a generic content.

As I drove home, I kept thinking about the guy, not the new one, but the one at hand. I kept wondering if there was more about my friend that the man didn’t tell me because he was close by. Did he saw something bad coming from my friend and tried to tell to me to ‘be careful’?

He may have not said much, but his face sure said it all. Maybe the underlying message was this: ‘you see that guy not far from you? Take a good look at him, ‘cause soon he’s walking away and out of your life. And it’s going to hit you as hard as these stones that I work with.’

Was the Kenyan man right? Stay tuned.



One day to the next he was back to the U.S. Everything was so confusing and happened so quickly, that it didn’t give me time to process his move and abrupt return. I was still as confused about everything as when he announced that he was leaving.

Because he had no place to live, he opted to go stay with his mom. This way, he could save money while he found another job. Plus, he could spend some time with her, which was important to him due to her health.

He had also mentioned to me that going back to the state where he lived with the classless girlfriend wasn’t an option.

He simply hated how expensive it was to live there, a responsibility he took on himself entirely because she never worked due to language or residency issues.

On top of that, her son didn’t worked either, so he ‘paid for everything and these two were totally ungrateful to me. They never appreciated anything I did for them.’

He hated that location so much and everything it represented, that ‘when I passed the state line while moving, I felt like ripping the license plate off my car and throwing it away as far as I could.’

I clearly remember when he told me on the phone. His tone was one of being highly disgusted, of not having anything good to say about his years there. I could even imagine his face all boiled up and angry.

Looking back it’s scary to realize now how diabolic he sounded, like someone who wanted to take revenge on his ex and had started taking the first steps into that by leaving.

It’s diabolic in the sense that he was conjuring up a plan to inflict some pain on her for what she had done to him.

Once again, I didn’t think much of him then. I never saw him as one who would let his anger take over him and make him do what you never expected he would.

Once he settled in his mom’s house, he remained sort of quiet with me. I had recently started a new job and he didn’t want to invite me over yet so ‘I could concentrate on what I was doing.’ According to him, he ‘wanted me settle down on the job first and foremost.’

He was himself going through the change of being back and else. Curiously he wasn’t saying much about himself, which was kind of odd. It was a feeling that, for now, it was all about me and new stage in my life.

I knew he was unhappy with his life, but being with his mom sort of calmed him down and seemed he was slowly getting back to being his old self, at least that’s what I was perceiving.

Truth is, even when having people close to you, there’s always an internal distance that separates you from them. There are always storms within us that sometimes get too big to control, and you never see them coming until they hit you.

And when they do, they break you apart in such a way that even the best reconstruction efforts will always leave dents within your foundation. You may fix things, but they’ll never be the same, ever.



Just when I was getting used to the idea that this guy was away and that our friendship has experienced a change that would be put to the test over the next year, I get a totally unexpected call from him in the middle of the week.

People that know me know you never call me at work unless you have an immediate need to speak to me, or it means something really bad has happened.

And with this guy it was the same. So his call meant the second and I felt a bad vibe about it. First thing that came to mind was his mom.

“‘¿Todo bien?'” (Is all fine?) is what he would say and now I’m copying him. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just say things my own way? It’s ridiculous how much he’s engrained in me. “Something happened to your mom?” continued I.

“No my mom’s fine. I’m the one who’s not. Listen, I’m getting out of here. I already submitted my letter of resignation and will fly out in a couple of days,” said he.

“What? Why? Didn’t you just get there about a month ago? What happened? Are you sure about what you’re doing?”

“It’s a long story, but all I will say is that this is a toxic environment. It’s like in one of those mystery movies where you land at what you thought would be an oasis, and then you discover all the hidden horrors nobody told you about.

I made my decision quickly and there’s no turning back. I need to get out of here and the sooner the better. Got my ticket, I’m all packed up, and that’s it. Don’t want to be here no more,” continued he.

I was listening to him and couldn’t grasp what was happening. It’s like I was talking to a complete stranger. This was definitely not the guy I used to know. It could have been the most difficult situation for him, but he would always manage to turn things around and make them work.

That’s what I used to admire about him; he would overcome anything and come out victorious, even stronger as a person.

Now all I’m hearing is how bad everything is, how angry and bitter he has become, how life sucks and is being ungrateful to him, that the world and people have turned against him.

There was never a battle he wouldn’t win and no aftershock that would affect him for long. He would brush off the results of the experience and move on, and be more than ready for whatever else came his way.

He swallowed his pride on anything and kept his emotions under control. He would share them with you, but without putting too much emphasis into them.

Now he sounded like a spoiled child who ‘I want this and I want it now!’ type of attitude. A brat who closes his eyes and cover the ears when you try making any sense into him; someone who raises his voice and stumps the feet at the floor when things don’t go their way or others won’t comply with him.

I don’t know what ‘bit’ him on that location he’s at, but the high temperature on his voice was at boiling point. He may be shouting ‘toxic environment’, but there’s a lot more underlying drama in this low-budget movie that this spectator (me) has yet to see.

Worst part is, the first installment is not over yet and the sequel is about to start. What rating should this get? I’ll give it a ‘B’ as in ‘Bad’, really bad.



After my then friend finally arrived to the Pacific a few days later, I received a call in the middle of the day I believe while at work.

“Hey, I got here safe and sound,” said he.

“Glad to hear. I saw your posts while on the plane” (which I stopped reading at one point because the ‘altitude’ was making me sick).

“Let me give you my phone number. Remember the time difference and that it is a landline, which will make it difficult for us to communicate, but we’ll try whenever possible. If not, emails it is.” He gave me the full info of what I needed to dial since the number wasn’t showing on my mobile.

He may had been tired from the flight, but wasted no time in starting to work as, ‘it cost me about a thousand dollars to get here and need to recuperate’.

Well, hey, had you putted all those endless hours at church into job hunting when you should have, you would be enjoying another type of beach.

He already settled into the room, got the bicycle, etc. It all sounded to me like he was very isolated, but I didn’t thought about that then. He was there because of his own doing.

I think I waited until the weekend to give him a call. I tried calling him and couldn’t connect. Tried several times with no luck and even called my mobile carrier to make sure I was dialing correctly.

I sent him an email telling him about this, and this a-hole in progress responded saying that there was no problem with the number, that I was the one doing something wrong.

He was getting so unbearable again he couldn’t even consider that maybe he gave me the number incorrectly or there was a problem with the phone line.

It was obvious from his reply that he really didn’t want to be there in spite of all the ‘mental jerking off’ he did to convince himself that this was a good thing.

He was using me again to vent off and I still put up with it, even when there was a year contract to go through and anything could happen to him during and after this period. He said he wanted to fly back at least once to see his mom, but that to me sounded like a long stretch.

I kept saying to him via email that his number wasn’t working and he kept insisting he did give me the right one, that I was the one dialing wrong. He kept posting on his social media though, but with the praying hands emoticon always, with the same repetitive messages that ‘all is great with the Lord on my side’.

Question is, as time progresses, what else will you talk about? Probably about the bicycle or how blue the ocean water is.

I wasn’t exactly missing him, but more feeling some envy. It was an extreme change, which is what I was longing for in my life and still do; something I could look back at that made me feel all I’ve gone through these single years have been worth it.

What I couldn’t understand was why wasn’t it happening. I’m a good person and have tried to do everything right, so why nothing extraordinary comes my way? Why does it always happen to others? Will there ever be something more for me? Why does this guy ‘get to have all the fun’?



et cetera
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