The New M.E. Generation

The next day I woke up feeling confused. The bbq of the night before had been nice, but the event had extended far too long. It was one of those feelings that you overdid it and now your body was showing it.

I debated during the morning whether to call Cameron or not. I wasn’t sure if to apologize for my comment of who had texted him, or simply take the opportunity to thank him again, and then discuss this matter. I also wondered if it was necessary for me to say anything to him, even thanks, when I think I did that before he left (honestly, I don’t remember).

I believe I went about my Sunday like any other. If I did make the attempt of calling him, it was in the early evening. And when I did, the call went straight to his voicemail, which didn’t sit well with me.

‘WTF?’ I thought to myself. ‘Has this guy blocked me or something?’

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday came and went. Still no sign of him. Not sure if I made the attempt of calling him again those days, but if I did, it went to voicemail. At this point I didn’t know what to do, but it was clear to me he was avoiding me.

I checked his social media and we were still friends. His profile was as boring and uninteresting as usual, with no clues of his whereabouts or anything else. I wondered if he was checking my posts.

I don’t know what got into me, but I made a drastic move and deleted him as my friend. I probably thought that after 4 days of silence he had moved on with his life, so it was time for me to do the same.

Came Thursday, and when I was getting off the car and walking into the office, I get a call from him. I was juggling my purse and else, and missed answering his call. I returned it when I settled down at my desk.

He quickly tells me that ‘he was about to walk in into the office and only had a few minutes to talk’. Of course you do.

How predictable of a guy to use this false facade as a way to break up with you. They don’t want to deal with a woman ‘going postal’ in person, so they cowardly do this over the phone, taking even more advantage that you’re working, thinking they can make it ‘short and sweet’ to their liking.

Guys, let me tell you something: get on with the times. Just because we’re supposed to be ladylike and behave professionally at work, doesn’t mean it will stop us of telling you to ‘go fuck yourself’.

Because I knew what was coming, I got myself in an empty office, closed the door, and let him say what he had to say.

“It was good for me to go out with you because it helped me,” said he. “Good for you, bad for me,” answered I.

“I still have some issues with my wife to deal with,” continued he. “And you used me to leverage your emotions. Once you got what you needed, you went ahead and disappeared,” said I.

“I didn’t disappear,” said he. “Yes you did,” said I.

“I’m sorry you feel this way and I can only apologize… (blah, blah, blah).” “No you’re not; you’re not the one getting the boot. Question, did you tell the 24-year-old you had issues?”, continued I.

He kept trying to make his case, to which I had a winning argument to everything he was saying.

He then mentioned that he noticed I had ‘unfriended’ him on social media, which he was surprised at and not understanding why I did it. “You took me out of your life, so I did the same,” said I.

I was beyond mad with him. He then said that ‘he was outside the office door about to walk in’ to end the conversation. I know he was running away from me and the situation, but I wasn’t done.

So I went ahead and wrote him through his profile: “I’ll tell you why I’m upset. You disappeared after the bbq. I call you, no answer.

Now you say it was good for you to go out with me because it helped you. That you still need to resolve issues with your divorce.

You told me that when we met. And it may be so, but it’s not for me that others use you. And you came to such a quick decision not to see me any more? You gave that chick 4 months and me less than one?? Really?

What will happen is that you will meet another girl, and that’s it. That thing that you have issues will disappear the minute it happens. I’ve lived that before of guys dumping me, to then quickly learn that they found someone new.

If ever you want to know anything about me, you make the effort. And I took you out of social media because we stopped being friends the minute you decided to walk out of my existence.”

I don’t know if he read it, but I don’t care. This is my version of his ‘short and sweet’, and I like every word of it.

And, you’re a coward. I said it again. A way shorter and sweeter truth.

How do you like the ‘unsweetened’ version of me now?






{November 28, 2016}   The Swipe 10 – Dinner is served

I don’t recall how much time passed after my brunch with Dina and meeting with Cameron again to finally do the barbecue.

What I do remember is that it happened before my trip with Dina and that he brought all the food.

As if I haven’t had enough drama in my life already, that small BBQ that I own was actually a gift from Jay (please see the stories ‘A Spring Break in the Fall’ and ‘The Week That Was’) when he came to visit me many moons ago.

This means that every time I look at it, I always remember him. And in trying for this not to happen, I basically neglected the item by not taking care of it. I simply left it in the balcony, letting time and weather mistreat it.

When I opened it to finally clean it, it was holding some food grease for when it was used during his visit, plus dust, leaves, and whatever else managed to get inside.

‘This will be a tough one’, I thought to myself, referring to the major cleanup I had to give it. While doing that, I also remembered my past. It was a difficult time for me, as I had been divorced for a few months and the transition to my new life was challenging. Getting over Jay later on was another biggie, but eventually managed to do both.

All the grime and else felt like the collection of the emotions and memories of those years, which were now ready to be ‘cleaned away’ for good.

After I was done, I looked at it and then thought, ‘This is a nice bbq. It was nice of him to give me this. I won’t do it again of ignoring it.’ Kudos to me.

It was an even better moment seeing Cameron turning on the bbq. The soft light that the fire emitted made me feel peaceful and at ease.

What made me upset, though, was him walking barefoot to and from the balcony to inside the apartment’s white rug, especially when I had told him not to. I didn’t repeat myself, because I knew his behavior could make me say something that I could later regret.

At the same time, I really hate when some people are not considerate of other’s things, or get too comfortable thinking anything they do will be fine with you.

It made me feel he put himself first above me, which made me question his manners and common sense, which at the moment made him look as he lacked both.

Still, the bbq worked fine and his cooking turned out good. He even stayed to watch a movie with me on TV (“He’s Not That Into You”), which provided 2 awkward/defining moments of the night.

The first being a scene between the characters Beth and Neil; she questions him if he has intentions of marrying her and he replies that ‘he doesn’t believe in marriage’, to which she says: “Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit for every woman who’s been told by some guy that he doesn’t believe in marriage just to see him turn around 8 months later and marry some 24 year old he met at the gym.” (Notice the important detail here? Yes, the 20-something.) Cameron reacted slightly, which meant it hit a cord with him.

The second moment was towards the end of the film when Cam received a text message. He had placed his mobile facing up on my coffee table in front of the TV .

I became confused and accidentally blurted out, “who’s that?” in a semi-inquiring tone, because it was so late in the evening. Cameron quickly looked at the screen and then back to the movie; he didn’t answer me.

Of course it made me suspicious that it was another woman. For crying out loud, tell me a white lie that it’s your teenage daughter or something. Be creative for once.

What his reaction did create was an overwhelming thought in my mind of “esto no va para ningún lado; se jodío” (or ‘this (whatever it is) is going nowhere; it’s fucked up’). I don’t know what got into me; it was as if someone got inside my head and told me so. I even lost track of the movie for a few minutes.

Since Cam didn’t open the message, it reappeared, which made me feel uneasy again. I then looked away and thought, ‘definitely not happening’.

I got my attention back into the movie and ignored the text message incident. But when the movie ended and Cameron was walking out the door to leave, he then looked at his mobile and said to me something to the extent of that ‘he had received soccer games scores’.

I don’t know if I heard him well or not. He didn’t behave like he was hiding something from me either. But, who knows; at that point of the early Sunday hours, anything is possible, even a ‘wake-up call’ from the universe, that this situation between Cam and I have been served and that the ending of it all is not going to be that tasty.

Shoot! I’ve seen Cameron like 4 times, 5 tops, and now there won’t be a another round, not even dessert?

“(Kate): I wish there was a cookbook for life, you know? Recipes telling us exactly what to do. / (Therapist): You know better than anyone, it’s the recipes that you create yourself that are the best.” -No Reservations

That may be true, but I think the ones I’ve used before have not given me the results I expected. Blame it on the ingredients, blame on the timing. Whatever it is, they’re either burning, sticking, not rising, or preparing they way they should.

Sounds like this experience is not a ‘well done’ of doing the best I could (which I have), but a ‘well done’ that it has already reached its ‘boiling point’ and there’s nothing else to do. I guess it means that I need to start over from scratch yet again.

Time to use the cookbook (a.k.a., dating app) one more time? Most probably so.


{November 21, 2016}   The Swipe 9 – The great divide

The dinner at Cameron’s place ended in a good note in spite of the traffic jam setback. We continued talking on the phone whenever possible, and he even came twice to my apartment for dinner on the only free day he had of those 2 weeks he was busy with his daughters. He was even nice enough to bring some food for both.

Ironically, when these weeks were up, a long weekend came along (meaning he would be totally available for me), but I already had previous plans to go on vacation during this time, making me feel again that the universe was trying to tell me something.

“I can’t believe it,” said he, “I’m getting 2 weeks off from my daughters and you’re going to be traveling.”

This may sound very movie-like, where the female character decides to ditch the trip last minute and, along with the significant other, turns the time into the most romantic one ever, all ending with the most cliche scene you could ever conceive.

But I know better than that. It’s not worth giving up your plans in this day and age for any guy, even less in the very beginning of anything. It’s true that you definitely need to ‘make the effort’, as he very well said. But all at its right time (like after my vacation).

Hey, maybe the universe is warning me not to give away too much, too soon, with him.

Still, I tried to add some positiveness to the situation by telling him that, “I will miss you”, to which he replied, “no… you will have so much fun, you won’t think about anything else”.

‘Ok, if you say so,’ I thought to myself. ‘I’ll just wipe you out completely from my thoughts’, which didn’t happen entirely.

I wasn’t planning to mention him to the people I stayed with, but when asked if anything romantically was happening with me, I decided to share a photo of him and say how well things have gone so far.

They weren’t that impressed with him. Maybe they decided to hold off on the comments since it was so early in the game. Or maybe they saw that this didn’t have much of a chance, like pretty much what has happened before with so many other guys. Whatever the reasons, it wasn’t a warm welcoming.

Actually, it wasn’t even lukewarm, but more like cold. So much that I didn’t even text or called Cameron during the 4 days I was away.

I don’t recall talking to him or meeting with him upon my return. What I do remember is that I met up with Dina for Sunday brunch. Turns out we had a trip planned for the following month, and I had some documents I needed to personally hand to her.

I was unsure about commenting her about Cameron, but knowing her well, her usual remark of ‘tell me about your boyfriends’ would be part of the order of the day, as sure as the side of bacon I always get.

“Actually, I’ve being seeing a guy called Cameron,” said I to her. I explained my connection to him and how he learned about our friendship after seeing her photos in my social media.

Dina was surprised at my revelation, confirming the interview story (“I met with him and he said he should have been the one doing the interview. Apparently he was brought to the U.S. with that job he had, but it wasn’t long before he realized that all that was promised and/or offered to him wasn’t happening”), the encounters at the kitchen (“it’s funny how he always brings this huge bowl of salad for lunch; that’s basically what he eats every day, ha ha ha”), and that they don’t really speak to each other.

Dina was more excited than I was; I have been keeping a low profile all along, knowing this could all end one day to the next. She is the first to tell me not to take things so seriously, but she’d have had some relationships in the past (no marriages or kids yet). I haven’t had one that I could account for.

She says she takes things in stride and not so personal when her love affairs end, and that I should do the same. She may be right, but I’m at least 7 years older than her, and at my stage when I’ve started the big 5-0 decade and menopause, you don’t take things so lightly any more.

“It will happen this year”, have said she in other occasions regarding finding love and having a family. I used to think this way before reaching the 2 previously mentioned milestones. Now I know that the older you get, the more difficult things get to be.

Worst part is that they change you (for better or for worse), which has made me become somewhat distant from Dina, as I believe I no longer feel and think the way we used to. Now I relate more to other women who share the same experiences as I do.

And speaking of change and Cameron, I wonder how this applies to him. Is he willing to make the necessary ones for his own wellbeing, and that of his daughters, to overcome the divorce, or is he thinking he doesn’t need to because the cause of the failure of the marriage supposedly falls entirely on the wife?

Is he in denial that the divorce will actually happen? And after the affair with the 24 year old, what adjustments will he do for future relationships, if that? How will all these affect me?

Oh Lord, I need another vacation! So happy that it’s happening very soon!


{November 14, 2016}   The Swipe 8 – Two to tango

In spite all these major details from him, the night went along well, so much that we were basically the last two present at the bar when it was already time to close.

Neither one of us specifically verbalized that ‘I would like to see you again’. Cameron did show an interest in getting together again, but it had more to do when he would be available to do so.

He mentioned that he was going to have an irregular schedule with his daughters for the next 2 weeks of having them every other day, including the weekends, because of something that had to do with his spouse. So the choices were to either meet on the free weekdays, or wait all the way until these weeks were up.

Thinking that he’s most probably on a tight budget, I suggested going the inexpensive route of cooking dinner at either one’s home.

I went as far as telling him that I had a bbq that hasn’t been used for years and would be nice to bring out of retirement, to which he totally was all up for.

‘Let’s do the effort’ was how he basically summarized it. True, and at least he’s talking about 2 people doing this together. ‘It takes 2 to tango’ applied here perfectly, since he’s from that very same country for which it’s famous for.

The next time we decided to meet was to be at his place after work, as he was to cook dinner for me. I agreed to this because I wanted to see where and how he lived (distance of his home from mine, learn if he was a tidy person, etc.) before I decided to invite him home (or not) afterwards.

I believe it was on a Tuesday (he wouldn’t have his daughters that day) that we agreed to meet and, of course, the universe throws something at me of ‘biblical proportions’ that it was either putting me (or situation) to the test, or warning me in advance that this might not work out all together.

To begin with, it started raining late in the afternoon with such magnitude, I was wondering if I didn’t get the memo that a major storm was visiting town. There was so much water that it created a huge traffic jam way before my leave time.

All I could do was stare out my office window, praying that this would go away soon, while keeping Cameron up-to-date on this situation.

I was feeling upset because something always happens with a guy, always. And Cameron had made his effort of leaving work at a descent time to make dinner for me, and now I didn’t even know if I was to make it.

It all cleared out some time after 8pm, but in spite of this hour and driving on the expressway, you always hit traffic, thus delaying me for a good 45 minutes (including finding his location for the first time).

When I finally reached my destination, I took a look around. The area wasn’t bad and his building wasn’t that impressive either. It was located next to the water, but could tell it didn’t even had a pool.

Cameron came downstairs to guide me towards a parking spot. When I was done he says to me, “I wished my apartment didn’t face the street. I could enjoy this view every night.” ‘Ah, yeah, if you say so…’, I thought to myself. Blame it on me growing up in the Caribbean for the lack of excitement.

Upon entering the building, I noticed it had its years, and the decor (or lack of thereof) didn’t help either, making it look somewhat sad. His apartment was really simple and hasn’t been updated that much other than doing the necessary needed to make it livable.

It was a one-bedroom/bath with kitchen and family. For furniture, he had a dining table, a sofa, and drawer beds for his girls. His room only had a bed and night table. I took a peak at his closet and it was full of t-shirts, jeans and casual footwear. I wondered if these were all he had or there were some other stuff left at his former home.

In the conversation we had during dinner, he mentioned that the apartment ‘was economical’, which made sense considering how much a divorce can cost.

We continued on the topic of how to deal with oneself during a crisis, and he said that he was meeting with a therapist. One of the things he has been discussing is that he has gotten lost as a person when his children were born.

I told him that this is what usually happens, but more to women than men; that if he has been involved in raising his children, kudos for him, as men normally don’t change their agendas. Women are expected to change their name and personality, to then become a wife and mother, morphing into something that many times doesn’t even remotely resemble who they were when getting married.

His main mode of therapy is writing movie scripts, an interest he had neglected for quite a while. He explained that he gets up like an hour earlier than he used to, writes like a page or so, then makes breakfast (and wakes up the girls when around), cleans up, gets them to school, followed by him getting to work.

He says he is taking more advantage of the day and feeling more focused, plus reviving a side of him he had almost lost. I replied to him that ‘anything that you believe is positive for you, go for it.’

The next day I texted my bestie for her opinion about my current state of affairs. She kept saying, ‘go with the flow’. ‘I heard men from that country are great lovers and cooks,’ added she.

I know I have to take things slowly, but, unfortunately, this guy is going through a nasty divorce, of which I don’t know when it will get resolved. After that is the collateral damage he will still continue to deal with, plus his children, work, and adjusting to life again as a single man. Add to the mix that failed 4-month relationship with the 24 year old.

Sounds familiar? Yeah. Almost like me (minus the kids). It’s been more than 5 years since being single and I’m still figuring things out.

Question is, if I keep going out with him, will he be willing to ‘take a step further’ and include me in his life, and if so, will I be able to ‘dance to his beat’?

Oh Lord, why does my existence always feels like a sad country song? Time to bring out that good ol’ guitar and violin please!

{November 7, 2016}   The Swipe 7 – First impressions

Cameron and I agreed to meet at the bar of a family restaurant. I thought this would be the best way to do so, as if things don’t go along as you hoped for, then you can end the night early without much fuzz.

He showed up on time (which I liked), but wearing his usual work outfit, a printed t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. This is standard dressing for guys in my company, but if you’re going out on a first date, wouldn’t you amp up your style just a little bit, in an effort to make a good impression? I did.

Obviously this is all he’s got (clothes that is) and, sorry for saying this, has no idea what’s going on with men’s fashion, as printed t-shirts are now out of style and looks like will not make a comeback any time soon. In other words, his creativity on this surely failed.

We spoke about many things, but primarily on our relationships status. I shared some of my experiences and how the dating app has resulted in 2 disappointing connections so far.

He explained to me that he was going through a divorce, because his wife had gotten involved with another man (ouch!). She claims to be really into him and has even introduced this guy to her children (2 daughters; 13 and 10 years old) (second ouch!), all the while Cameron is living in his own apartment waiting for this whole mess to get resolved.

As a result, his work performance suffered greatly, which eventually lead him to being let go. Luckily, he was able to find another job rather quickly, thanks to the help of other people who also got laid off.

“Imagine being told by your spouse that they want a divorce and that they already have someone else,” said he to me. “Of course I had no mind for work and didn’t get the support from my colleagues that I needed at the time, so I was bound to fail in the long run.”

I told him that ‘I was exactly in your shoes some 8 years ago’, and that there’s no right answers to what to do or not when going through this. ‘Take one day at a time,’ was the best advice I thought I could give him then.

But, honestly, had I been in his place, I would have asked that whore wife of mine to move out with her male bitch boyfriend (and see how much this affair really survived), as well as keeping custody of the kids during the process. I wouldn’t have allowed for a stranger to set foot on a home I purchased with my efforts, and that surely has already spent many nights on the bed I used to share with my former spouse.

And introducing your lover to my kids? F@&* that! That’s showing you don’t care about anything or anyone except yourself.

Another comment that was raising brows was that he had dated a 24-year-old woman for 4 months, when he is 48 (this is a red flag which I will comment more later).

This is so typical of people to do, of getting involved with someone right away during or after a divorce, especially when in a situation like his where there’s cheating. And it is always for the wrong reasons, which is basically trying to show the cheater that, hey, you got yourself a lover, well, I have mine now.

And the icing on the cake being that she’s way younger than the wife (more like old enough to be Cameron’s daughter). It’s like a competition of trying to outdo in a bigger scale what the other person has done to you. Call it revenge, call it getting even, it’s all a need of ‘giving you a taste of your own medicine’ for the pain that has been inflicted on you.

The reason for the break-up with the 24-year-old, according to him, was that she expressed that she would like to have kids in the future and he doesn’t want any more, so at the end of a long, extensive conversation, they decided to call it quits.

I wasn’t buying the whole thing, as I very much know there’s two sides to every story, but because it was already in the past, I felt it was better not to expand on it when I didn’t even know how this date would end.

I didn’t ask him how long ago this happened, which was a mistake from my part. Depending on this detail, it can make a difference on any future relationship, especially if recent, because that means a person is not ready for a new one just yet.

The other red flag I didn’t give much thought to was when I asked him if he has gotten himself ‘fixed’. He told me ‘no’.

Dude, if you already decided you don’t want any more kids, you should take care of that right now! If you don’t, then it means you’re not 100% on board with this.

And why weren’t you upfront on this matter when you got involved with the 24-year-old? Even more, why risk having an ‘oopsie moment’? Put your ‘mucho macho’ ego aside (you’re not that hot to begin with) and get it done!

Perhaps the biggest surprise of the night was when he asked me if I was friends with Dina. Turns out that he had met her some years back in another state when he interviewed her at ad agency he worked at.

Even more surprising was that the current ad agency that Cam works for, as well as Dina’s and mine, all belong to one main company.

Dina and Cam share the same office space (different companies), and Cam recognized Dina because he saw a post of her on my social media.

Cam then said that he ‘sees her almost every day at the kitchen during lunch, but doesn’t talk to her because he doesn’t know her personally’.

Curiously, I know them both; Dina knows me, but doesn’t ‘know’ him; Cameron knows me and ‘knows’ her. Sounds confusing? It sure does, more like a ‘who knows who’ triangle.

Instead of me thinking that Dina will probably be happy to know that I’m dating Cameron (if that was to happen), I was thinking of her more as someone who could keep an eye on him. But that wouldn’t be right of me to ask, and for her to do, especially at work.

So what plan of action will it be? Too early to say. Honestly, if I survive this night and move forward to other meetings, I’ll consider it a small victory in my never-ending dating saga.

Meanwhile, I’ll just drink to it all. Cheers!





The last incident left me very upset, but again, I wasn’t letting this ruin my days for long. I instead was taking everything as a lesson, as to how to take control of situations, and not allowing any guys play games with me.

So, once my emotions had come down to normal, I started the third round of looking and swiping. But this time I was also using another website, hoping it would increase my chances of connecting with someone.

Nothing happened the first few days, until I spot a profile on the second site of a former colleague of mine, which I will refer to as Cameron. The username displayed was created combining his first and last name, so I knew this person was legit.

This guy was already working at my current employer when I started, but although we were on the same floor, and sometimes collaborated on projects, I barely knew him professionally, even less personally.

I hadn’t even turn my first work anniversary when the company announced they were ‘making changes’ (or laying off people), and he unfortunately was among those that were let go.

From the time that happened to seeing his profile now, I would say no more than a year had passed, if I wasn’t wrong. So seeing him gave me the impression that he had bounced back at work and life, and was now ready to give love a try.

In spite of all these considerations, I analyzed if it was worth approaching him or not. He wasn’t exactly my type, but felt there could be potential to at least become friends. Maybe someone just to go out and have fun with every so often, or perhaps be a sympathetic ear.

So I went ahead and sent him a message, which read: “Hey Cam, is that you??”

The next day he replied: “I’m sorry, but I don’t remember where I met you.”

To which I then said: “What do you mean you don’t know?? It’s Emma from work!”

“Emma, of course!!”, said he then.

I don’t recall how long we texted before he gave me his phone number, or if it was me the first one that suggested meeting for a drink , but I do recall his comment of, “there is no other way; we have to get married.”

I guess he was trying to find humor in this semi-awkward situation of basically having no relationship at work, to accidentally coming together again, and still being in the dark about each other.

This was the first time that a guy had made such a comment, which really caught me off guard, and made me react with a ‘WTF?’. So instead of freaking out as I usually do when I sense this might be a mistake, I only responded that, “I don’t know about that, but a beer will do for me”.

The next event was that we got to talk on the phone first before meeting (don’t know who called first, but most probably me), as I had to wait for the next free weekend he had without his kids. And he sent me a friend request on social media, to which I accepted.

I took a look at his profile and it was very plain, which stroke me as being very odd. It had only one photo of him with his daughters, a few of himself in other stages in his life, plus other stock images that had nothing to do with him. His online friends were also few.

This made me confused because he worked as a copywriter, meaning he’s a creative person who has good imagination for writing compelling copy for ad campaigns. And when you consider social media, which is the perfect vehicle for people to really speak their mind and express themselves in endless ways, this profile represented a contradiction of what I thought a profile like a person like him would look like.

I even went as far as checking his professional profile and it was equally lacking depth and substance. It only stated the job title, companies worked for, the amount of years at each one, and awards earned. His profile photo was a selfie at a sports game.

There were no recommendations from other colleagues, or bullet points detailing what he did at each position worked. It made me wonder if this is how his resume would look like, and if so, how he has been able to get any job in the first place.

There’s also the possibility that there’s not much activity in his social profile because he might be going through a difficult situation, like a breakup.

I’ve seen it before of others literally stripping their page almost bare of anything related to their past relationship and ‘disconnecting’ for a while, until they felt emotionally ready to go back to the digital world.

Still, I made the effort of not overanalyzing or coming to conclusions too early when we haven’t even gone out together. Unfortunately, from past experience, something have always happened, sometimes even early in the game, that clearly proves to me the whole thing is destined to be doomed.

I know I’m being negative, but I rather be prepared and not have high expectations, than getting hit with a low ball.

The strategy will be this: we will meet for a drink and see how it all goes. Game on!


{October 24, 2016}   The Swipe 5 – I’m the expert

In spite of the disappointment with Fish, I decided to give the app another try. It was the first experience I had using it, so I thought it was too early to give up on it just yet.

I have to admit my hopes were not that good. After having almost no worthy memories about dating (meeting online or in the real), keeping your interest going becomes a challenge. It gets to a point you basically don’t want to do it any more.

What I decided was instead to leave the app alone for a few days, until I felt I was ready to approach it with somewhat the same enthusiasm I did the first time around. Yes, I was skeptical, but I thought to myself that it’s either this or nothing.

I approached the second attempt like before of reading all information in the profiles, swiping left for those out of my area, not appealing to me at all, having no info besides a first name and age, showing no clear location, or supposedly living locally when in fact the profile states another one (don’t understand why this happens).

I knew I had to continue being open to all possibilities, but opted to being picky by listening more to my inner guts, so hopefully that would get me better results.

So as I am swiping left for the majority of the profiles, I see one of a guy who I will call Bert, which sounds like ‘burp’, because it’s one of those people you look at and you can’t decide either to go for it or not. It’s like gas stuck within you that you don’t know how to get rid of or when it will finally come out.

This guy wasn’t totally bad looking for my taste, but wasn’t cute either. It was more like average. He didn’t appear to be trashy either, but there was something about him I couldn’t figure out.

He had several photos and one showed him wearing a suit and tie, making me understand that he probably worked in a professional environment that required that, like law or accounting.

I looked at his face again and now felt he looked semi-nerd, which matched his appearance. I personally prefer corporate looking guys, since I’ve always worked in this type of environment. But my preference is for those who are creatives since I work in a related field, and this made me wonder if this was the reason why this guy wasn’t really clicking with me.

I thought to myself that his appearance might not be what I like, but maybe his intelligence could. Maybe he’s someone who could grow on you after getting to know him more. He’s one of those you just have to search beyond the surface to finally figure them out and decide if worth the effort.

Before swiping right, I believe I first used my photo identification app. If people have a professional media profile, most likely the work photos will give you a search result, which in this case it did, including a full name.

After finding his credentials, which were very impressive, I learned that he had been in the military and was experienced in special ops and high risk activities. He now owned a company specializing in something related to business data security and management.

I had never come across a profile like this. It was of those where the face doesn’t match the experience at all. He was definitely a ‘brain’ and far off to what a former army guy is supposed to look like. In fact, he seemed too well put together.

What I remember happening afterwards is that I swiped right and he had done the same, so were now connected to chat.

I don’t recall if we chatted for long (as in days), but I do remember asking him, ‘So what’s your story? Divorced? Kids? Dating anyone?, to which he replied, ‘My story? A good guy looking to meet a nice woman.’

What’s wrong with this picture? He didn’t answer my question. People, this is a huge red flag. If they’re avoiding providing some basic answers or information that confirms who they are, either they’re a fake user or are hiding something.

Also, be aware of people listing careers to which there’s no market for where you live, or list a company that doesn’t exist or has no offices in your area. And if they state they work ‘independently’, even worse. It makes no sense living at one place when the opportunities are somewhere else, even if you work in a contractual basis.

Another red flag is when you see profiles that repeat similar career fields and their college is from an institution that’s based abroad. I’m not saying that there can’t be foreigners in your city, but when the title seems too big for your location, take note of that as well.

With this guy, because I confirmed he was the real deal and told me the area he lived at, I thought there was no further ‘threats’ here to consider. I overlooked his lack of a complete response (when I should know better already to not do this) and decided to move to the next step of suggesting meeting somewhere (‘Sounds good. Maybe we could meet sometime? I live around your area.’), to which he agreed (‘We’re not too far away. It would be nice to meet you.’).

But, there was still this burp in me that wouldn’t go away, so I decided to do an extra ‘security check’. Because I had his full name, I searched for his social media profile.

And I didn’t liked what I found. Bitch Bert had a profile picture with a woman, his girlfriend. There were these photos of them very cozy together and professing their love for each other.

Not only did my burp finally come out, now I had one filled with the anger of the lie this guy was trying to pull off. He may be a security expert, but I deciphered the truth with a simple app.

So how do you strike back? Easy. I took a screen shot of the conversation where he didn’t answer my question about his status and that he agreed to meet with me, went to his girlfriend’s profile and sent it to her with the message: “I know this is none of my business, but your man has a profile in a dating site and had agreed to go out with me on a date.”

Afterwards, I texted this guy again, telling him the meeting wasn’t going forward, followed by “who is the woman in the picture?”

The next day his profile and conversation were deleted.

Boom goes the dynamite!! Who’s the military expert now?? This girl is!!

{October 17, 2016}   The Swipe 4 – Getting the booty

I don’t know why, but I kept trying to make some connection with Fish. I guess I was still hung up on the school thing and the interest of reviving some old times. But after a short while of trying, it was already smelling bad.

The stupid excuses, no returned calls, or lack of empathy from his part, continued, and it was all taking a toll on me.

I think at one point I got so insistent with his text messaging that I flat out asked him, ‘are you ever going to talk to me on the phone?’ About a minute later, to my surprise, he finally called.

Not only did the content of his texts that tried to justify his actions were lame, but his voice was monotonous, had a flat tone, and showed no interest towards me.

That conversation was a blur to me. I recall somewhat that he said something to the extent of, ‘I’ve met a few girls on the app, went out with them…’, but that was about it. In other words, he has gone out with other women, although nothing panned out of them, but is not doing anything to try to meet with me.

“Well,” said I, “sometimes one… (I took a pause realizing there was no point with him on what I wanted to say) …just wants to hear the other person’s voice.” I lied. What I actually wanted to say was that ‘sometimes you have a need to talk to someone’. He hadn’t shown any emotions here, and this call wasn’t going to change that either.

Not even one time when I was working on a presentation from home on a Sunday that was really draining. Once again I reached out to him via text (‘I’m about to have a meltdown’) and he just replied like it wasn’t a big deal (‘Take it easy’). He didn’t get the message. He didn’t call either, not even if my life was depending on it.

I then thought that maybe I needed to throw a bone at him, like, making the move of finally meeting.

‘Hey,’ texted I, ‘how about you coming my way and do something?’, to which he replied, ‘Like what?’ (What do you mean ‘like what’?)

I replied, ‘go for a movie, a drink maybe’. ‘I have to check my schedule’, replied he. (Really? Are you so busy you have no time for me?) ‘If you have to think about it too much, then forget it,’ replied I. I felt more like saying, ‘go f#$% yourself’.

Oh, ok, now I get it. He thinks I’m using the invitation for meeting as a coverup, because what I supposedly really want is to have sex with him.

That’s why the women situation doesn’t work with him. He’s not interested in anything other than a booty call. After he goes out with them, and manages to screw them, he then gives them the boot. If he doesn’t get what he wants (sex), he will dump them just the same.

The last I heard from him was when I tried, yet again, on a Friday, to hopefully schedule a meeting.

‘Hey, what are you up to?’ asked I. ‘Hi. I’m (4 hours away) at a trade show,’ replied he. ‘I’m at a booth. Really can’t talk. How are you? I’m free tonight, but where I am,’ continued he.

‘Oh, look; Fish is trying to be funny,’ I thought sarcastically to myself. More like an ass (or donkey), really.

I got so upset I only replied, ‘never mind’, to which he just said, ‘ok’. Zero intelligence from this guy whatsoever. I limited myself to that because I knew that if I let my emotions take control, I was going to say a bunch of things that would be worthless with a guy like him.

The next day, though, I decided it was time to end whatever this all was. I thought to myself that if he was at the booth, then it meant he would be surrounded most probably by his boss and/or colleagues.

I knew calling never worked with him, so I decided to dish out what I needed to say over a text message, his preferred method of communication.

‘I have something to get off my chest. Do you realize that you have never, ever, answered any of my calls, but always have an excuse for not doing so? And you never return them either? And when I’ve texted you that I’m having a meltdown, you showed no sensitivity. I would have rather you not friend me in the app. That’s why I’m single because of guys like you who don’t care about others.’

After I sent the text, I then proceeded to block him. This way he’s totally out of my existence. I started laughing wondering what he’s reaction would be like, especially when I send the message at the worst possible time for him.

A couple of months later, when I was in my social media page, I accidentally saw his name under the ‘People you may know’ option. (That was another thing, he never accepted my friend invitation.)

I checked out his profile and there was this selfie of him standing in front of a monument in some other state I couldn’t recognize and didn’t care to know.

‘Of course he’s alone,’ I thought to myself. ‘What else is new?’ I just sort of chuckled and felt grateful for myself for taking the step of dropping him.

As for him, well, he’ll just continue fishing on the app for more bodies to take. Maybe in the long run he’ll catch one that suits his every need.

As for me, time to swipe some more. Plenty of more fish to go after out there.

{October 10, 2016}   The Swipe 3 – Phone call reruns

I decided to call Fish at night around 9pm that same Sunday. I thought by that time he should be almost done for the day and available to talk.

But when I did, it rang a few times and then went to voicemail. Instead of getting a personalized message, I got one of those generic electronic ones that only says that you dialed a certain number and the person was not available to take your call. It didn’t even include his name.

I waited to see if there would be some reply from him in either a text or callback, but none happened either. I felt disappointed and decided to watch some TV and then go to sleep.

I started questioning myself why did he give me his number if he doesn’t have the intention of taking my call? At least you could have told me your availability and best times to call. But, no; one has to guess if there is a ‘good time to call’ as such.

I did get some reply from him the next day at home when I was already back from work.

‘Sorry, I didn’t hear the phone,’ texted he. ‘I fell asleep on the couch watching TV.’ This excuse was so cliche it made me upset.

I think I gave this call thing a try a few days later (after getting my anger off) to have the same repeated scenario: no answer. And a lame reason to go along with it the following day.

‘Sorry I didn’t take your call. I was talking to my daughter helping her with homework.’

Really? What did you do, go over with her every pending assignment? You must have charged your phone about 3 times. Don’t you know what online chat is? Apparently not.

On the third try (now starting to feel like TV show reruns), he gave me the excuse that ‘he was in the middle of this huge argument with his ex-wife.’ I thought to myself, ‘probably because you never answer her calls.’ A bit more creative, but still lame.

The same episode got played over the next time around. He basically wasn’t answering or returning any of my calls, no matter what day or time during the week I did. What is it going to take for him to do it? What an ass!

I think the lamest excuse was one time when I questioned him over a text message why he wouldn’t take my calls: ‘I spend my whole day at work on the phone.  I don’t want to be on it when I come home.’ But you do take your ex-wife and daughter’s ones, right?WTF?

‘I spend my whole day in front of the computer,’ replied I. ‘When I get home I don’t want to be writing any more, especially texts. After doing that for a few minutes I don’t feel like it any more.’

Dude, if that texting thing works with your daughters, fine. But don’t behave like them. You’re not a millennial.

You and I come from a generation that answered and returned phone calls. But I guess you didn’t take the 101 course when we were in school or read the printed book that came along with the lesson plan.

And you work in marketing. You’re supposed to be creative. I may be involved in creative work myself, but even if I wasn’t, any woman like me would’t ‘buy’ what you’re saying, even if it’s true.

Your lack of originality makes you look boring and unintelligent. More like a snooze. And if this is the way you handle all women you swipe right on the app, no wonder you’re alone. Or, is there something else you haven’t ‘told’ me about?


et cetera