The New M.E. Generation











{February 8, 2016}   The Ex-Friend 22 – Cold plate

In spite of all my friend’s oddities, I still believed in him and that he would eventually find a way to get his life back on track as he has always proven to do so.

That’s how I was back then, I loved people so much, I overlooked those red flags that were alerting me I needed to handle situations differently.

I gave people endless opportunities because I believed in them, but this same goodness I gave others would be the same one others abused of and eventually lead getting betrayed by them, a hard lesson that I got many times over from those I thought were my friends .

After the birthday incident, he had remaining about 1 more month on his job. From there he had no solid offers, even though he was in conversations with his employers about the possibility of an opening 2 states away from his current location.

I don’t remember the order of the next sequence of events, but the end of the year was coming soon. I do remember that he was with his mom celebrating Christmas and his birthday, which is also in December.

He had told me originally that if I didn’t had plans for New Year’s Eve, to drive to his mom’s and spent it with them. I had told him yes, but he backed down at the last minute, citing that he was still dealing with issues with his ex, and that there could a possibility of working things out, and my presence would dampen that.

I was really upset and had to call on a couple friend of mine that I would always spend this date with, to ask them if they could accommodate me and they did as always.

My then friend showed no emotion to what he did. “If you don’t have where to go, you can come here,” said he when I was still scrambling to find an outfit and a gift for my hosts.

Really? You’re telling me this when this event is happening tonight? You expect me to drive 4 hours if all else fails for me? And you’re trying to do what? Feeling sorry for me for screwing such an important time of the year? Trying to modify your heartless act? What are you taking me for?

After so many times you had told me you tried to fix thing with your ex and she didn’t wanted to and treated you like trash, that she’s a person who is ‘on the devil’s side’ and would talk to you with her fists up in her face ‘ready to strike back’, of whom you have never, ever, mentioned anything positive about, and you’re still hanging on to a ‘possibility’?

You, the one who always said to get rid of people (especially guys) who are worthless or useless, still want something with someone who has proven to be exactly that?

You may be totally immersed in your faith, but you have clearly turned your back to those who really love you. If there were a poster child for love-hate relationships, it would be you.

And I thought I had it bad. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

What an a-hole he was becoming. I don’t think I wished him a happy birthday or new year. But why should I?

“Tú no eres plato de segunda mesa” (you’re not a second plate from a side table) is another quote he would always say.

Fine, I’ll serve it to you straight up: go f— yourself (and that low quality creature). Cheers!



After dinner I let my friend drive back. It definitely had been a long, productive day, and never short of drama.

After this weekend, what I believe happened was that on my actual birthday date, I didn’t get a call or message from his, which was strange. He had always been the first for those outside my family.

It got to a point late in the day that I text him, saying, “Hey, you totally forgot my birthday!” After no response, also not the norm, I called him.

“What happened? You totally forgot about me!” said I.

“I was waiting until I was unoccupied so I could talk to you without rushing it,” replied he.

What he meant was that after finishing work, he went straight to church, then home. He took care of his things first and he basically communicated to me that I wasn’t that important any more.

He was definitely getting even weirder by the day, especially when his job was about 2 months away from ending and had nothing lined up next.

The church thing was happening every day, spending to at least 4 hours either praying or meeting with some church group he had become part of. Every time I called him, he wouldn’t answer the call and would quickly reply with a text that read “Church” with an emoticon of two hands together in prayer.

If I were lucky to talk to him late at night, he would say, “I go to church because I have nothing else to do after work.”

Really? He used to take long walks to exercise and we would talk on the phone while at that. Or he would cook himself dinner. He was available to me and we always had something to talk about.

All I was hearing now was, “I’m praying so much on my knees, they’re starting to peel,” or “the only people that I have in this life is God, my mom and you,” or “I know God will lead me into the right path.”

I supported his ‘faithfulness’, but the repetition of actions and words started feeling monotonous, as if he was stuck in a place he really didn’t wanted to move away from.

He needed to find a new job, but wanted to stay with the current employer so not to lose his seniority. Fine, but if that option doesn’t work, you have to have other options, which I don’t think he wasn’t pursuing much.

He going to church made him a person that only socialized with other who shared his mentality, thus isolating himself from the ‘real world’. His attitude that ‘God is on my side’ was becoming arrogant and that ‘the one above’ was he towards others.

He started criticizing my way of being, claiming I didn’t had a man in my life because I hadn’t forgiven my ex and if I disapproved, he would retaliate very nasty. His response towards me was, “pues te veo mal” (things won’t go well with you).

As time progressed, the arguments increased. I kept telling him that my whole life had been about pleasing others or doing what was expected of me, and when I yelled out my frustration, people would say I had an attitude problem and label me a bitch. Others would be happy, but didn’t care I wasn’t. My friend became one of those persons.

And regarding forgiveness, I told him that was my prerogative to do or not, that I did that so many times and my ex was so unappreciated about it that I stopped doing it because he didn’t deserve it.

I was now standing for myself, something my friend had always told me I needed to do, and now he was mad I was applying what he taught me to him.

My friend became bitter and non-negotiable on anything, displaying lots of anger in his nasty voice. You could feel this heavy, negative energy on the phone. He may have been praying plenty, but he was now the embodiment of a true devil.

I think what became the problem was that for the first time in his life, he had lost control. Nothing was happening as he wanted, even if he worked on it. He didn’t have job offers, he never got over his breakup, and I wasn’t doing what he told me to do.

Even with the help of a professional, he now struggled with depression and was still obsessed that his ex had to change.

He was acting towards me like the ‘big brother’ character instead of the older brother figure he had always been. His religious fanatic tactic of spreading fear wasn’t affecting me and he resented that.

He was hiding behind his beliefs and blaming others for his outcome. He may have thought he was set to go when the end of the world happened, but instead it was ‘highway to hell’ with him.

You see my then friend, you forgot that you gave me the wings to fly, and I’m soaring high to my own happy place and more. And I’m at peace with that. About time already.



{January 25, 2016}   The Ex-Friend 20 – I wish I may

I was really glad that the visit to the elderly couple was over. We were there for about 4 hours and just got to the point I was getting upset.

Don’t get me wrong dude; if you want to visit them, please do so on your own time, not during my birthday weekend. On top of that, you complaint about others using your mom, you, or other people, but you definitely did it with me for this.

The next stop was a flea market in his college town that I had visited during my Spring Break visit. From there we stopped at the beach. It was here where the beach guy called me when I was getting my photos taken (please see the Looking Back story), to which I later answered when we were all sitting in the car. This was the phone call that the guy made the comment that ‘I was with my boyfriend’, to which I replied, “no, he’s not my boyfriend!” in a harsh tone.

I know I shouldn’t have answered that way, especially with my friend behind me, but it was frustrating that my friend was supposedly interested in taking our friendship further and the beach guy was not taking my interest seriously of hopefully taking things further between us.

Once again, I put the incident aside as we were still pending to do the last event of the day, get to another town and have dinner at a restaurant I had been before and always wanted to return.

At the end of the meal, the waiter brought out a dessert with a lit candle on it. I got emotional and tears came down my face before I blew out the candle.

I looked at both my friend and mom, and placed each of my hands into theirs, while thanking them both for all they had done for me the past days.

My friend smiled with joy, but his mom didn’t flinch. Her face looked like she was saying, ‘girl get yourself together’. The mom has always been one who never smiles at anyone or anything, don’t know why. She had a demeanor of someone who had a wall in front of her and showing no emotions.

Whatever the reason, I never liked this angry demeanor of her or whatever happened that made her like that, especially when my friend was now advocating forgiving people or shedding anything of the past that is anchoring you down into moving forward.

This woman was not capable of at least sharing the happiness of this moment or even making the effort of gifting me a smile. It was all about her and her only. I have never done anything to this woman that made me deserve this attitude.

It’s strange to think that as much as we say we will never be like our parents, somehow their character and actions follow us forever, and manages to influence our lives for better or worse.

How is it possible that my friend and I were conscious of the toxicity that we wanted to avoid, but showed signs of repeating the many chapters of others? Karma? The universe playing games?

Don’t know, but I only hope that my friend doesn’t become her. That’s not much to wish for, isn’t it?



It felt like forever getting to our destination, but it was worth it. It was nice to see my friend’s mom since forever and she was equally happy to see us both.

It definitely had been a long day and as it progressed, I was the one feeling about to crash and he was still wired like the battery character ‘going on and on and on’. What else do you expect after all that sleep that he got?

The next day I rested as much as I could because we were to travel to 3 different locations. We first visited an old couple friend of them. I don’t mind doing it, but felt my friend’s comment of ‘I don’t know when will I see them alive again’ felt a total exaggeration. Don’t get me wrong, but his mom and couple looked pretty good to me, as in that they are going to live calmly and well for many more years.

The other comment that bothered me was that, according to my friend, the children of his mom and couple lied to them. In the mom’s case, when the sister was getting divorced and found herself alone, she pressured her mom to help her, so the mom abruptly sold her house back home and bought the current one living. Turns out later that the daughter wasn’t helping or supporting the mom in any way.

Eventually the mom realized who her daughter really was, a situation my friend had warned the mom for years. On one occasion when my friend was visiting, and because of the hostility between them, the mom suggested she spent the nights somewhere else to avoid a confrontation between siblings. The daughter said that she wouldn’t and when the mom told her he would be staying at the house no matter what, she packed her stuff and moved out.

From what I remembered of their relationship, the hatred was so bad that if the two were together in the same place, chances were that they would get so physical it would require calling the police and a visit to the hospital as to how bad it would turn out.

And according to him, the children of the couple also managed for them to sell the house back home and get an apartment at a senior living facility, don’t know why, but eventually distanced themselves from the parents, leaving the couple very unhappy and confused.

My friend would speak with an angry tone of this and many other situations, as if those who did the bad were ‘on the side of the devil’ and he was the good one.

His other famous expressions about anything that he felt he was right about or turned out just as he predicted were “what did I tell you?? That didn’t happen by chance!!” or “this I know about; that’s why I go to sleep early”.

In spite of all this, I still believed in my friend and in the goodness he had within him and for me, in spite that he was starting to come across as arrogant and hard to deal with, and was still swallowing all the toxicity of his past relationship.

But, I stayed away from analyzing anything too much as I’ve always done with him. After all, it was my pre-birthday weekend and wanted to make of every moment a positive one. And I was with him, my best friend, the one who has gifted me so much. What else could I ask for? What could possibly go wrong?



It was a long night, but a great one. We got home and I was ready to hit the bed after an exhausting day like this. Plus, we were driving tomorrow to celebrate my birthday and staying at his mom’s house, which was to take at least 4 hours to get there.

And just when I thought it was safe to end the day, turns out my friend wasn’t in any mood to do that.

“Are there any open bars around here?” said he in a very wired tone, like if someone had put a drug on his drink or something. “I don’t get to party much and I want to take advantage of this vacation,” continued he.

I gave him an upset look of ‘this is not new year’s eve or going to party like it’s 1999’. “What do you mean? All places are closed at this time,” replied I.

I could have expected this behavior from any other guy, but him? This was totally new to me. The guy I remembered would always get organized ahead and go to bed early, especially when it had to do with a trip that included seeing his mom, the one person he always said to love so much and hated being away from.

He was still looking at me like ‘let’s bring down this house’ with eyes lost in party central. He was so ‘up and going’ that had he had the chance to go anywhere by himself, he would have done it and left me behind.

I had a facial expression of ‘if you leave this apartment, don’t even bother to come back’. He may have been my friend and loved him unconditionally, but I wasn’t going to put up with any stupidities from any guy, including him, just like he had taught me to.

I don’t recall what happened next, but he didn’t leave. He slept in the sofa and I in my room with the door closed, checking my surroundings every so often, just like the night before.

Even with all that happened, I managed to have a good night’s sleep. I woke up rather early; the plan was to try to leave as soon as possible to take advantage of the day.

I stood right at him and he was really crashed. He was deep asleep face up and didn’t felt me there, even when I stick my face almost touching his or when his phone vibrated with a call.

I wondered again if I should take up on his proposition, but this time I really wasn’t feeling it, even less after the stunt he almost pulled off last night. I thought had he done that, I don’t think jumping on top of him or slapping his face would have woken him up.

He obviously wasn’t coming out of his semi-comatose state, so I finished my luggage and ate something quickly.

I could hear his phone buzzing a few more times and he eventually woke up. I didn’t make any comments again regarding the night before. I just wanted to concentrate on the weekend and myself.

My friend went back to being who I remembered him for, focusing on the day ahead and moving forward accordingly. He answered the phone, got up, and ready. We left later than expected, but we did it.

I drove my car and he used his phone’s GPS to lead the way. We even talked about anything and everything, past and present, as we traveled.

It took me back all the way to high school when we didn’t know what life was holding up for us, but somehow managed to find the right way to get there.

Hopefully there will be more other detours that get this trip off track again.



The next morning I rushed to work as usual, so it didn’t give me much time to speak to my friend, which was great to avoid last night’s situation. It was a long weekend and celebrating my birthday, so that’s what I wanted to concentrate on.

Work finished early around 4pm and I rushed home, as we were having dinner with a couple friends of mine whose wife is also a graduate of our school.

My then friend helped me choose my clothes, something he had done before. I didn’t feel intimidated or upset about his opinion after all these years, something that with other guys I’ve not been that easy with.

We met my friends at the restaurant and it was nice to be out with a guy and another couple, which hasn’t happened in a long time.

As we were having drinks at the table, my friend grabbed my hand and held it with both his on the table. “Are you okay babe?” asked he. I reacted surprised, as I wasn’t expecting it. I replied with a ‘yes, I’m fine’, with a face that I was happy with all that was happening. I let him hold my hand until food was served.

After dinner, the couple invited us to their place for additional wine. They also have a pet parrot; I then remembered that my friend’s mom had one that lived cageless and was infamous for what it would do or say.

When I asked him about it, he said it has passed away about 6 years ago. I also remembered about 2 small dogs that had vegetable names like ‘yucca’ and ‘onion’ because of their hair color.

He explained that when his mom decided to move was able to place them with other families. What I didn’t remember was that there were many other pets in the backyard, including turtles, which I don’t recall ever seeing. It sounded to me like a zoo and baffling that my memory had failed me on this one.

At one point when my friend was away from all us, the wife said to me, “OMG, you can totally tell he only has eyes for you by the way he looks at you. He’s totally into you.”

I was caught off guard again with her comment. Her husband and her have been good friends all these years and their opinion was important to me. I didn’t agree with them always, but knew that what they said to me they did because they cared.

The question about the possibility of being in a relationship with me came to mind again. But I replied to my friend something to the extent that I didn’t like his constant moving and that bitch ex of his was still present in his life. She looked at me as in ‘take advantage of the here and now’.

My then friend was claiming he was really over the bitch and had taken her out of his social media profile. He even said that ‘he wasn’t going to hide anything,’ meaning being quiet about posting photos or comments, including one image of us in a friendly hug. He was now ‘a free man’, able to do whatever he wanted and wasn’t going to care what other people thought or said, including his so-called ex.

I was enjoying the moment and was looking forward to much more the next few days. That was the ‘now’ that I was feeling, besides that voice in my head that kept circling like a major warning that something bad would happen.

Little did I imagine that the actions and photos of that day, and the following ones, would have so much impact in my life, even today, and he would be the one to blame.

Let’s say that I never pictured the after events that came from him. If there’s a ‘poster child’ for lies and betrayal, his image would be front and center. Smile, you’ve been framed!



We went home after eating and I was nervous of what he would think of my apartment. I gave him a 5-minute preview of the complex from the parking lot before going upstairs.

“This is very nice!” said he while looking around the exterior of the building and inside my place. It gave me a sense of relief since his opinion greatly mattered to me.

“Are you nervous about me being here?” asked he.

“Yes, I think it has always been me visiting you in the past. It’s awkward now being single you coming back into my world in the real. I sort of lost sense of how that felt, among other things in my life,” said I.

“I will say that your apartment looks clean and organized; everything is in its place. That’s how I remember you for and I’m glad that you’re still that way,” continued he.

I looked around and wondered why my emotions were not all in the right place. I remembered at the beginning of being single how I cleaned all the time, things had to be done in a certain way, and having people over made me very nervous.

I was just trying to find an order among the chaos of the divorce, finally doing the things my way without any person telling me how or being negatively criticized, and didn’t want to let people into my space for fear they would ‘disorganize’ it again.

Now I wasn’t as strict about the cleaning, but was keeping it up because it was important for my overall wellbeing. I was doing it for myself, not for other people’s approval.

Having people over though is still a test of how I handle others, even though it is just him, someone I’ve know for so long, or so I thought.

I organized my sofa for my friend to sleep at, explained where the water heater would be set on and off, where the spare keys were, etc., since I had to go to work the next day.

He was organizing his things in his suitcase when I excused myself for the night.

“Are you sleeping by yourself?” asked he. I looked at him startled. “Can’t believe you’re not sharing your bed with any one.”

I don’t recall if I said anything, but definitely turned down his offer. I got into my room and locked the door without making noise and made sure it was closed correctly.

He had told me many times before that ‘he and I would make a good team. That we had known each other forever, our parents as well, etc.; that there wouldn’t be a reason why it wouldn’t work out between us.’

But there were plenty of reasons from my end. For starters I had never been physically attracted to him, even less now.

Second, his constant moving because of work isn’t appealing to me and he knew it. I need stability, not following somebody everywhere or having a life determined by him that I have not control of.

Third, I was on my own because I haven’t found the right guy yet to share that small bed I have, and I wanted to do that with someone that I’m in love and in a relationship with. Going for a quickie or one-night stand isn’t for me, as much as one may physically need it. I have to aim for what makes me happy, period.

Lastly, he’s still communicating with that bitch, so it’s not entirely over between them in spite he saying otherwise.

I went to sleep and at times looked at my door. I was wondering if he would try to come to my room, but I trusted he wouldn’t and he didn’t.

Then I started thinking about his proposal. What if I’m still single because he’s the one meant for me? Is this what the universe is trying to tell me and I’m not getting the message?

Actually, I am getting the message and it’s the same one I’ve been receiving as before as it relates to him, which is ‘don’t do it’.

In other words, what I am feeling towards you is: I ain’t feeling it.



I was really excited for my friend coming over to celebrate my birthday. The plan was that he would arrive Thursday night, since I was getting an early dismissal at work on Friday. He was to use airline passes, so traveling standby was the way to go.

He went straight to the airport after work and text me with updates. He had to take 2 airplanes and fortunately made it getting on board in both.

‘Thank God I got the last seat. I put it in his hands and it happened,’ read his text. I was happy for him, but also getting annoyed that he was using the almighty to justify everything he did or happened to him.

Don’t get me wrong; I think people should ‘believe’ in something, but luck also plays an important role.

He landed close to midnight. I was resting in bed, quickly changed, and went to pick him up.

As I was pulling in at the airport terminal and saw him, my emotions hit me. I hadn’t seen him in years and it showed.

He had gray hair, some beard, more weight than I remembered him for, but most of all, his clothes looked sad. His pants were big on him and his shirt one that have had better days. Plus, he was wearing a Bluetooth. Who has one of those nowadays? So not fashionable.

Back when we were adolescents, our parents didn’t had that much, but we both always managed to look our best within a budget.

“Look at you, always so pretty!!” said he when we hugged. This is one of those comments I remember him for, considering I wasn’t even wearing make-up and my hair was somewhat messy. I literally had the look of someone ‘who just go out of bed’.

From there I took him to eat something where we finally had a chance to talk. He commented I looked thin, but in a good way. That year and the one before had been much difficult and I was going through a bad funk that he knew all too well.

I tend not to eat a lot when feeling sad and he was obviously doing the opposite, in spite of him walking for hours on end the days he wouldn’t go to church.

I asked for a soup and ate a portion of his sandwich. He said not to worry about me ordering more food for myself.

“I remember you having an appetite before. I still don’t know where you put all that food, but it still seems that way with you,” said he.

I smiled at his comment, but he knew I just wished my life were completely different from what it was. I was making the effort to change it, but things kept going in other directions. I certainly didn’t envision being where I was then.

“Like I’ve told you before, the day you find a guy that’s good and is worthy of you, all that you’re feeling will go away and everything will change for you,” said he.

I looked at this person, the one who had a miserably failed relationship, and wondered if he was right.

Then it hit me, why is it that us women need to have a significant other to feel complete? I wanted to have a man, but one that’s my equal, one that complements me and can grow together with.

On the other hand, what’s eating this guy that has made him fail so badly in love, and what’s the missing ingredients that I lack to finally get my life together and find the guy he refers to? How many more times do it need to revise my recipe to get it right?

Don’t know. Maybe I should have more soup and sleep on it.



{December 14, 2015}   The Ex-Friend 14 – Crossing over

My birthday is close to a long weekend and now that my then friend was single again, what a better opportunity there was but for him to fly here and drive upstate together and be with both his mom and me?

When I told him that it would be a great gift for me, he said he had thought about it, but didn’t ask me as to not come across the wrong way.

Although it had been a while since his separation, he was still struggling to overcome the experience, and had even made attempts both near and far for the bitch to resolve issues he felt she needed to.

He was desperately trying to give the relationship another ending and even considered going back with her, even in the distance, but according to him, she abruptly refused to change her ways, even less for him.

He always said that whenever he tried making sense into her, she would totally get angry, with a demeanor of having ‘both of her fists held up high, ready to fight him.’

He kept insisting that she was the one with the problems that greatly needed ‘psychological and religious help’, otherwise he felt life was not going to go well for her.

It was around this time that my friend started ‘slipping’, meaning an emotional breakdown of not accepting that others don’t have to do as you say even if supposedly it’s the best for them, or think that because you’ve gone through certain experiences it makes you an ‘expert’.

At one point he told me that I needed psychological help because I still had lingering issues from my divorce. When I told him I had done that in the past and was not interested in going back to that, he got upset. He was talking to me as if I didn’t know myself or what was best for me. Yes, he may have known me from an early age, but has also been absent from my life a good chunk of years.

He got even more upset when I told him he was no expert, especially on medical things, even though his father had been a pharmacist. Even his tone of voice started changing to one that started to bother me.

He also thought being actively religious was also guaranteed to solve any problems, even changing people’s sexual preference. I knew from early on he didn’t favor certain kinds of people (whom he referred to as ‘abnormal’), but thought he had overcome that stage.

Boy was I wrong. Even I slight mention about it made him react with hatred and disgust. It was like watching a werewolf movie where the beast kills everything on site.

Worst thing was he wanted everyone else to change, but not him. And this was something I have lived all too well in my life with others around me and I was in no position to do this again, even for him.

When I told him that ‘religion wasn’t for everyone’, he nearly lost it. Thank goodness he wasn’t in front of me; I would have probably stabbed him to defend myself.

I consider myself spiritual and have been attending church on my own terms, but embracing your faith is no easy task in my opinion. It takes more than spending 4 hours daily praying on your knees until they peel, or being part of prayer groups, etc., like he was doing.

They mystical question is, what happened to him? Let’s say his nasty separation hit him harder than the nails on the cross, one that he built himself and expected others to carry along with him.

And because I didn’t took his path, a year or so later he ‘buried’ me and I chose to say ‘you’re dead to me’, better yet, me wish for him to ‘rot in hell’.



et cetera
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