The New M.E. Generation











The memories I have of this vacation start at getting to the apartment. It was clean and organized, with a living room, kitchen and half bath on the first floor, second floor had the 2 bedrooms and 1 full bath.

His room faced the front of the building and had what one needed when being in college: a bed, desk and TV. I believe he hand a nightstand and the closet had good space.

I took my suitcase to his room and set it on the floor. To keep the space organized, I decided to leave my things inside of it and take them out when needed. I think he provided me with some hangers and made space in the closet in case I wanted to use it.

Next memory that I have was that he had to go to school. I stayed behind and was taking a rest when the home phone rang. I rushed to answer it thinking it was he.

“Hello,” said I. There was a pause from the caller.

“Is (roommate name) there?” said the female voice with an unpleasant tone.

“No, may I take a message?”

“And who are you?” asked her.

“Me? I’m just visiting.” (Click.) What the hell? I looked at the phone puzzled, but put it down. The phone rang again just a few minutes later. This time I answered with a serious voice.

The same scenario repeated, except being asked who I was and I left out the message part. Second hung up of the day. I wasn’t happy, but didn’t let it affect me and went back to my nap.

That’s how I was then. I was so naive I didn’t see it that when the caller heard my voice, she wasn’t content at all that I was there. For me, it had to do with her being totally rude and disturbing my beauty sleep.

In spite of already being away from home and exposed to a new environment, I still believed and trusted those people that were part of my life. What had occurred gave me no worries. I was confident nothing bad was to happen to me. I was there to have fun and nothing else mattered.

When my friend got back and I told him about it, he started laughing. It had been a while since I saw him like this and it was refreshing.

“That’s someone my roommate is seeing,” said he.

“Oh, his girlfriend.”

“Not exactly. There’s more than one. Well, that’s what he’s told me.”

“Whoever it is, she hung up on me twice.”

“Of course, the person was expecting a male voice. Besides, she obviously thought you’re with him.”

“Why? There’s also you here.”

“Yes, but she’s clearly insecure about herself and him. She’s now in a panic mode.”

“That’s stupid jumping into conclusions when she doesn’t even know me.”

“I think it’s incredible how he’s seeing many at once and haven’t been caught yet. You being here might change the chain of events.”

I was looking at him with a somewhat concerning look. I just got here and the wave hit me before getting to the beach. Universe, give me a break, not this one, please.



After graduating from high school and going to college, our communication decreased even more. I was like him; my mind was focused on the future of leaving home and starting a new life outside all that surrounded me.

I still learned about him through his family and always sent my regards, and whenever we saw each other or spoke, it was as if neither time nor space had affected our relationship.

Such an example of this was when I was on my sophomore year; my boyfriend came to visit and out of nowhere he called me. I don’t know how he got my number, but I completely dedicated my attention to him. I believe it has been over a year from last we spoke, and I was more than happy to talk to him.

It was one of those conversations that could last for hours. I was ignoring my then BF, but he didn’t complaint or got upset with me. Our relationship was on the brink of ending, so I think he remembered what this guy had told him about me, and probably didn’t want the situation to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The next year we broke up, well, I broke it off, for many reasons beyond him pressuring me. My friend and I were resumed our conversations from that day on and he invited me to go visit him for Spring Break. I quickly jumped at the opportunity.

Because I didn’t have that much money, the year before I went home. Although there were plenty of beaches, I was curious to experience what a real event like this was about.

I was attending college in the Northeast and he in the South, at a city famous for hosting these breaks. This was the ultimate college moment that anyone needed to do at least once. Getting out of the cold was even better.

My friend’s schedule was different than mine, but he was living at a 2-bedroom apartment off campus with another guy, plus he had a car.

This was the perfect scenario for me; we could spend some time together and I would have some independence to venture out on my own.

He living at an apartment felt better than visiting him at a dorm full of men. It also avoided the question of where I would sleep.

Knowing how my friend was, I was certain he would have a sofa I could crash on. I never asked him before my arrival about this, but I believed he offered his bed for myself.

I wasn’t worried; I was confident I would arrive to a safe, clean place that anyone would enjoy staying at. I was sure that I would have a memorable vacation, one that I now look back upon fondly, but filled with certain moments I never thought would repeat in other circumstances many years later.

And now that details are slowly coming back to mind, I ask myself (or perhaps the universe) if these were coincidental or meant to occur (even when they had nothing to do with me directly) to test (or perhaps prepare) me for the present life?

Let’s just say, you’ve been warned.



My Senior year was a mix of many emotions. I was proud of myself for getting this far without having resorted to any negative behavior to help me deal with my insecurities I had about myself. I had zero tolerance for drugs and alcohol, and had no interest in even getting close to them.

At home it was just my mom and me. Although I wasn’t happy being there, I enjoyed the alone time I had when my mom was at work.

Although I still had responsibilities, at least I felt some sort of independence and space for myself. All I wanted to do was bring my best in school, graduate and go away.

Many of these feelings still remain with me today. I have become accustomed to my living conditions and like the freedom to do as I want without being judged. I still stay away from anything I believe will be bad for me.

In spite of experiencing way more difficult situations as an adult, I have always known what’s good and bad. I will say I have been very lucky and blessed to never stray.

At school it felt weird not seeing my friend around. I would learn about him when visiting the pharmacy and hair salon. It all seemed he was doing very well, as if the experience of before didn’t have a permanent effect on him.

Ironically, we didn’t write or called each other much that I recall. I would relay a message through his family, which I hoped he would receive.

He moving away was the best thing happening. From my end he looked like a fully developed adult that wouldn’t stop at anything to get ahead.

In spite the distance and lack of communication between us, I didn’t realize how he kept influencing me for the better. He was the best example to follow that you could overcome any situation if that’s what you chose to do.

And now we both have totally distanced from each other by choice. He did it first and I followed when I felt that he became a threat to my emotional balance and wellbeing.

He almost turned my world upside down and I hate him for that, but I didn’t allow it. It was heartbreaking to do, but it was something that I needed to do and don’t regret it.

It has taken me a lot to ‘graduate’ to where I am today. And like when he was my friend, I will continue moving forward, not letting anything deter me in going the distance to reach my dreams.



My high school friend graduated a year before I did. My brother was on the same class and attending the graduation without him being there was a somber night for me.

This period represented a new stage in my life. My friend and brother were going away to college in a few months, which meant I would be alone at home with mom and my Senior year would start.

I was looking forward to this time, but was also lost of what to do with education and myself, especially when he was away.

I felt somewhat lost without my support system. And my insecurities about my intelligence and grades for my college application had me on the edge.

I kept thinking how in spite all he did he managed to get to the school of his choice. He knew exactly what he wanted to do for a career and how he would make it happen. Me, I didn’t have a clue what to expect for dinner that night.

The last memory I have of my friend during this time was of him coming to terms about ending high school, but glad he would go away from all this and start engaging in what he really loved.

He legally completed his studies, but don’t recall that he received the diploma. I believe he mentioned having to get a lawyer so there would be a record filed in school and Education Department that he had completed all the high school requirements.

That made me even more sad and puzzled about life in general and of witnessing this happening to someone I cared about.

That’s probably why I was overwhelmed; my mom had high expectations of me, my brother was the center of attention for always, and my mom was trying to adjust to this major change at home.

The summer went normal. I would see my friend at the pharmacy whenever I could. I don’t recall saying good-bye in person. I probably did over the phone and holding back my tears. After all he went through to finish school, the least I could do was to be supportive towards him and not add any additional pressure.

I do recall that when he and my brother left, I sat at my room looking around and thinking, ‘now what?’ It wouldn’t be the first moment that I felt that I was totally on my own without someone to hold my hand to lead the way.

It was as scary as when my ‘x’ walked out the door for good. Thinking about it now brings back this feeling, but incredibly I managed to overcome it all and stay in one piece.

So why am I still sad? Because I miss my friend and it hurts losing the friendship. This is not what was meant to be, but as he and I have done, I will hold my head up, knowing that no matter what, I will make it through this time and will be just fine.



Although my high school friend was a disciplined student and had good grades, his pranks eventually caught up to him. His parents were called by the school administration way too many times hoping to resolve this issue, but to no avail. His mom literally told the principal, ‘do what you need to do’.

Even some of his classmates turned against him, even when they were not affected by any of his actions. The rumors started running high, even that he had committed plagiarism in his Senior year term paper.

The Engligh teacher met with him and asked him to talk about the work in general. After my friend gave an extended speech about the topic, references and else, the teacher handed back the draft and said to him, “you’re good to go”.

Academically he was doing all that he needed to do to ensure entrance to college. But because his conduct was so bad and the rumors so out of hand, and the school couldn’t take action against him for his grades, they did it where it hurt the most: he was told he couldn’t be part of the graduation ceremony.

I got really sad and shocked when he personally told me. I knew things were bad, but never thought that of the few people I was friends with this could happen to him.

This would be the first of many moments I witnessed the betrayal of people to those I cared about or myself. It didn’t necessarily create a sense of distrust towards others, but more in that they can turn against you at any time without any valid reason.

“Don’t ever give your life away to any religion, political movement, or even less a man,” preached he to me during that time. He also manifested his dislike for a particular type of people, an issue that didn’t surface again accidentally in the present time.

I never understood where this one came from and I never allowed myself to be influenced by it. I believe I have always been good to others, and many have taken advantage of it by mistreating me.

I used to give people many chances, especially guys, but with this guy’s betrayal, I have become stronger in my personality and discard quickly anything that’s toxic or represents a threat to my wellbeing, just like he has.

So the question is, how is it possible for a person, who gave you the right guidance to survive the world, change to the total opposite of what he taught you?

How is it possible that after all the negative I’ve gone through, was able to make it through it all and still have hope for the future?

How do you explain an over 30-year friendship going bad and looking at a person become totally unrecognizable to you?

Why am I still standing in the light and he is in the lowest, darkest period of his life?

Someone saved my life tonight”. Yes, universe, I know it’s you.



Our friendship continued throughout high school without any setback. Our meetings occurred more due to a necessity, like me needing to get something at the pharmacy.

We both had things to do after school; I was active in school activities, tried to keep my long distance relationship going by sending my former BF letters and pictures of me, plus endless house chores that I was responsible for.

This guy worked every day at the pharmacy during the school week. Although his career goal was in another field, he learned al that he could about it and was helping his father manage it.

On occasions he would come to visit home to see my brother, but as the years progressed, we both concentrated more towards getting into college.

The ironic part was that I was an average student with good conduct and he was the opposite. He got notoriously popular for pranks he was pulling off, which got him in trouble far too long with the school administration.

I admired him for being daring, because I was insecure of coming out of my shell or doing anything that could affect my entrance to college.

One day we went to have lunch at a fast food place and he started telling me some of his stories. I couldn’t believe what he was doing; he wasn’t hurting or physically damaging anything, he was simply looking for attention as he candidly admitted.

Like me, our parents had gotten divorced and he was playing out the emotions he felt about it. What he expressed was harmless, but spoke volumes in other ways.

I kept listening to him and laughed a lot, amused by his creativity. But deep inside I envied him. In spite of having some parallels in our lives, I was keeping my emotions to myself. They were somewhat expressed through my letter writing and school clubs I was involved at. But I never had the audacity to really take a risk on anything close to his level.

He had also known what he wanted as a career from an early age. I had no idea what I was supposed to do all together. All I wanted to do was to graduate and come to college in the U.S. It was for me a secure way to run away from my current life and run into another, which future was as obscure as my present one.

And as always happened, the universe made itself present. It always had, but it has been a recent discovery of its ‘pranks’ in my existence.

While we were in the end part of our meal, and elderly man sitting at a table nearby would look at us from time to time. Of course I didn’t notice; I was feeling too sorry for myself.

When the man was almost done, he took a napkin and wrote something in it. Before leaving, he came to our table and handed it over to my friend. “Here’s something for you. Good night,” said he.

My friend and I got surprised. He read the napkin, smiled and laughed. He then handed it over to me; I don’t remember the exact words, but it had to do with my apparent beauty and how lucky this guy was of me being with him.

My reaction was a combination of puzzlement and surprise at what a total stranger had expressed about me. This would be one of many messages that literally dropped from the sky, or better yet, heaven, that would present to me when I needed it the most.

Back then I couldn’t grasp my true inner and outer essence, or that our friendship we were having, as well as the love and respect for each other, was also one of real beauty.

It’s heartbreaking sharing such a simple moment and think how we are now separated by an emotional distance that he chose to travel.

Perhaps the universe had another written message within the napkin. Maybe what my friend had told my former BF was also talking to him.

In other words, I could also slip away from him like sand between his fingers, and if I didn’t, consider yourself lucky.



Needless to say, our friendship was what everyone would say it would never be: real. There’s always been the notion that just a friendship between a man and woman will never stay like that. But it did.

We both had romantic relationships during high school, to which we respected and supported of. There was never jealously or intervened as to how we should deal with it.

He was aware of some details of the inside’s of mine as I would consult him, and I would because I had confidence he would suggest what would be beneficial for me and not for him. He never once strayed me so I would end up with him.

I showed my respect towards his relationship as well. I wouldn’t ask much about it and as long as I knew it was doing well, I would be the same. Besides, because I felt he was doing right for me, I was confident he would do the same for himself.

We had such a strong bond that even my BF at the time (who all knew each other from school) realized that if he wanted to be with me, he had to accept our friendship. I was never shy of talking about him and with time my BF realized my other friend was no threat.

My BF eventually learned to respect our friendship and even went to him at one time for advice when things were not quite there. Thing was, my BF was away in college and the long distance was obviously distancing us, so my BF started fearing he would loose me.

According to my other friend, my BF went to the pharmacy and asked him to have a private chat. Upon my BF saying about the challenges the relationship was having and me going away, my friend replied with these transcending words: “Don’t pressure Emma too much because if you do, she might slip away like sand between your fingers”.

When my friend told me this story during his last encounters with me, I got surprised to what extent my BF had gone for to not loose me. But as always, my friend was right on point as to how well he knew me.

Even more, he shed light on a personal trait: being pressured too much into something has never worked well with me. I tolerate it, but eventually disconnect or walk away. I tend to avoid the confrontation and if I do, I just explode, and then things get really nasty.

As I have said before, sounds familiar? Why is it that I seem to have forgotten plenty, but some things just remain the same?

Is this good or bad? Don’t know. Maybe it’s a half and half, good when it works on your favor, bad when it doesn’t.

What will I do about it? I’m thinking.



So what happens when a friendship goes wrong?

And I’m not talking about any guy previously mentioned that I’ve tried to do things right.

Believe it or not, I’m referring to my high school friend. Of all people, he’s the one that I felt has betrayed me the most.

So how did it all happened is unclear to me, but will try to figure it out.

Our friendship started during our early teens. My earliest recollection was that he started hanging out with my brother at home. Of all the guys that would come around, he was the only one took an interest in me.

I wasn’t into him in anything at first. With only 13 years, my parents were divorced, my mom went back to work, and I was responsible for many chores at home.

Like all Hispanic cultures, my brother was doing whatever he wanted, including giving attention to his buddies instead of me. Top that with being a freshman trying to navigate school and life in general with no one to lead the way.

My memories included him talking to me every time he would be home, mostly about how I was doing. He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me and that I were fine. I felt at ease with him and that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.

As I later learned, his father had a pharmacy in my neighborhood and that he worked there after school, and the mom had a beauty salon at the building where my dad had his office.

When I had nothing to do, I would walk to the pharmacy with the excuse of having to buy something. I would chat with him for a few and then headed back home. He never got upset with me while there and would always find the time to talk to me. I would later get my hair done with the mom and became a client for several years.

Curiously I never had an emotional interest with him. I never once felt like kissing or hugging him, or display any affection towards him.

After some time of friendship, he conveyed to me very politely that he had some interest in me. I felt very flattered, but never pursued him in any way any more than what we were sharing already.

He respected my way of being, including my feelings towards him, and became the only person I allowed to enter my world as a whole.

He had everything going on for him and I chose not to pursue him romantically. Sounds familiar? Yep, my love/hate relationship with men has run deeper that I thought. And sadly, being then or now, it sure feels the same.



Although I didn’t end up doing anything romantic for the weekend, I managed to have fun on my own way.

After the universe intervention inside the store, I spent the rest of the day relaxing at home. I cooked myself some dinner, called a few friends I was pending to do so for some time, and watched a movie on TV. Of course it was romantic, but watched it objectively and let myself dream about my own love future.

The next day (Monday) was a holiday, which made it even better. I rested well, had breakfast and later went to the hairdresser.

One thing I’ve practiced throughout the years is to always take care of myself and do things that help my self-esteem. Even more, it’s another way of expressing myself and continues developing my personality.

Back in the days of my past life, that guy or ‘X’ never liked what I did to my hair. Although I was the one wearing it, I had to get it done the way he wanted it. He would always say, ‘you have to please me’, to which I would reply, ‘and who is pleasing me?’

He would stare at me with a blank face because he was totally moronic and emotionally retarded, and the relationship was all about him. He didn’t care about my feelings or personality.

He wanted me to fulfill his expectations in their entirety and even if I did, it was never good enough. There was still another level that I needed to achieve to make him ‘happy’, which he never was.

So now after all these years on my own, being able to express a part of me is something very powerful. And it will stay as that with whomever comes into my life and wants to be with me.

I also wanted to go to the hairdresser because the weather forecasted cold days this coming week. This meant that if I didn’t take care of it today, I would had to wait for the weather to change again.

I got my hair done and a few days later it got pretty cold. I knew the beach guy disliked the cold weather because it wouldn’t allow him to go ‘topless’ in his car. He would get in a bad mood, so I decided to tease him and have fun with it.

‘Hey, how bad is the weather over there?’ text I.

‘I hate this weather!! Pretty chilly. My nipples are hard, but not all of me.’

‘Shrinkage?’

‘No problem in that department. How’s the weather for you down south? Any activity lately?’

How dare he?? Guess the joke is on me now. I didn’t answer right away, as I was overly upset and wanted to get my thoughts together before I said something very nasty.

‘Guess not?’ asked he.

‘Not answering that. That’s not for you to know.’

‘Right.’

Exactly right. What little emotions I had towards him had just turned cold. Maybe I should wait for the sunnier days to happen before I contact him again, if that.

Maybe that will warm up my heart and look at things differently. But for today, it’s all frozen.



et cetera
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