The Ex-Friend 22 – Cold plate

In spite of all my friend’s oddities, I still believed in him and that he would eventually find a way to get his life back on track as he has always proven to do so.

That’s how I was back then, I loved people so much, I overlooked those red flags that were alerting me I needed to handle situations differently.

I gave people endless opportunities because I believed in them, but this same goodness I gave others would be the same one others abused of and eventually lead getting betrayed by them, a hard lesson that I got many times over from those I thought were my friends .

After the birthday incident, he had remaining about 1 more month on his job. From there he had no solid offers, even though he was in conversations with his employers about the possibility of an opening 2 states away from his current location.

I don’t remember the order of the next sequence of events, but the end of the year was coming soon. I do remember that he was with his mom celebrating Christmas and his birthday, which is also in December.

He had told me originally that if I didn’t had plans for New Year’s Eve, to drive to his mom’s and spent it with them. I had told him yes, but he backed down at the last minute, citing that he was still dealing with issues with his ex, and that there could a possibility of working things out, and my presence would dampen that.

I was really upset and had to call on a couple friend of mine that I would always spend this date with, to ask them if they could accommodate me and they did as always.

My then friend showed no emotion to what he did. “If you don’t have where to go, you can come here,” said he when I was still scrambling to find an outfit and a gift for my hosts.

Really? You’re telling me this when this event is happening tonight? You expect me to drive 4 hours if all else fails for me? And you’re trying to do what? Feeling sorry for me for screwing such an important time of the year? Trying to modify your heartless act? What are you taking me for?

After so many times you had told me you tried to fix thing with your ex and she didn’t wanted to and treated you like trash, that she’s a person who is ‘on the devil’s side’ and would talk to you with her fists up in her face ‘ready to strike back’, of whom you have never, ever, mentioned anything positive about, and you’re still hanging on to a ‘possibility’?

You, the one who always said to get rid of people (especially guys) who are worthless or useless, still want something with someone who has proven to be exactly that?

You may be totally immersed in your faith, but you have clearly turned your back to those who really love you. If there were a poster child for love-hate relationships, it would be you.

And I thought I had it bad. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

What an a-hole he was becoming. I don’t think I wished him a happy birthday or new year. But why should I?

“Tú no eres plato de segunda mesa” (you’re not a second plate from a side table) is another quote he would always say.

Fine, I’ll serve it to you straight up: go f— yourself (and that low quality creature). Cheers!

The Ex-Friend 13 – Talked out

My memory of the next sequence of events is that my friend rented a truck and moved by himself to another state to start a new job with the same company he was working with.

We were now back talking more frequently, but more whenever he could, as he was working 24/7 to make up for the expenses of the move.

He sounded under control as usual, but wasn’t telling much about the status of his relationship. I was curious to know, but I knew he would tell me when he felt it was right to do so.

It was shortly after my birthday that he shared that before his move, things got really bad between him and the bitch, and even the son had to do with it.

He said to her that if she wanted to be with him, she had to make major changes in her attitude and actions, especially those coming from the son. Because she didn’t comply, he told both of them to ‘go f— themselves’. So when the new job came available, he quickly got the truck and left like a bat out of hell.

As the weeks went by, he shared every detail of all 3 years of relationship. From his point of view, there wasn’t anything positive about her, other than he liked when he would go home from work and ‘find a horny woman’ waiting for him.

Regarding the son, he said that he was a bum who watched heavy porn all day in the computer, and was totally disrespectful to him. One time they got into such a heavy argument, he just wanted to beat the crap out of that kid.

The more stories I heard, the more angry and hateful emotions came out of him. It was like a creature hidden inside that would erupt every time he remembered a bad moment.

I couldn’t believe he put up with it all those years. He went as far as saying that he was lied, used, cheated, and taken advantage of by those two low-level people.

It sounded so bad that at times my own marriage and divorce sounded diddle next to him. Even his emotional state was shattered way worse than me. He was refusing to accept this relationship was a total failure and coming to terms with that was damaging him in a way I never seen before in him.

I know all too well about overcoming adversity, but as he kept on and on with his stories, the more I wanted to tell him to stop talking about his relationship, and it wasn’t because it relived bad memories, it just got annoying.

Don’t get me wrong; I did the same thing until someone told me to shut up. Even when I told him nicely, he turned himself into such a victim, I wasn’t feeling sorry for him any more.

With time he sort of got control of his issues, enough for our friendship to go back to what it used to be. It was a feeling that life was finally giving back something I had to forcedly give up when married.

In a way, it was. And that was soon to be put to the test for my next birthday. Let’s just say, be careful what you wish for.

The Ex-Friend 9 – The places that we travel to

I stayed with Madeline and family for about a week. The weather continued to be bad with cold days and plenty of rain.

The place they were staying was an apartment/hotel, and Madeline and I shared one bedroom together. Because of the forecast, we wouldn’t do much at times, so I would retrieve to the room and watch TV.

My bed was next to the window, so I would also look out at the people walking by. I called my friend as much as I could. According to him, the worst had passed and some more days were needed for his mother to spend at the hospital before returning home.

He sounded calm as usual, but I knew he was tired and stressed out. I felt sorry for him, as he had always been there for me and now all I could do was support him over the phone.

Before New Year’s arrived, Madeline and I went shopping and had dinner together. While chatting, she mentioned that life and work were fine, but I could feel that it wasn’t exactly that.

I wasn’t all happy with my life either, but was taking every effort to make the best of it. I even envied her back then; she had a good job, was living in a nice neighborhood, had achieved all her goals and was close to her family.

Still, there was something missing in her life that I couldn’t figure out. It’s kind of weird to say now that in some strange way I was in a better place than her.

When New Year’s Eve came, it rained most of the day and night. There was a party area that Madeline and I walked to, but the air was humid and muggy. When the clock was about to strike 12 am, we went back to the apartment and celebrated with everyone there.

I even took upon myself of doing the tradition of walking the perimeter of the apartment with a suitcase in your hand, symbolizing for this year to bring many and safe travels for you.

As much as I was trying to enjoy myself, I kept thinking about my friend. It struck me then that of all he and I had shared together this celebration was not on our list.

And when the countdown began I did what I’ve always done since being single, stare at the TV and start crying, as if I was hoping that the magic that is transmitted through this device would somehow come into my universe.

Once it’s over, I hug and thank everyone for sharing this moment with me. They all hug me back and told me there’s no need to feel this way, as it will all be fine. I always use the excuse that it had been a difficult year, etc., but glad I made it through.

Reality is I cry because when the night is over, I’m standing there more alone than ever, without a guy to hold hands and be with.

I cry because as much as I wish for things to be different, they have not turned out the way I hoped for, in spite of all efforts and intentions. They just seem to go in a direction I wasn’t expecting or wanted to.

It’s like the suitcase I was holding. You may fill it up with hopes and dreams, but the path to happiness will always be heavy, no matter how light you think you may be walking.

The Ex-Friend 7 – Not forgetting on the forgiving

Fast forward another few years and it was Christmas. My friend Madeline was spending the holidays and New Year’s with her family up my state and invited me to join them for the week.

My then friend was also spending time with family, but not a planned one. His mother back home was having issues with her health. So he took whatever vacation, personal, sick days he had left to be with her. From what he was telling me, his sister was taking turns being with her as well.

I had known long enough that he and his sister did not get along. He always resented that his mom had more affection towards his sister than to him.

The tension between these two was so bad they couldn’t be at the same place at the same time.

How much? One time I was at their house and on top of a table there were about 10 or so photos of her and only 1 of him in the corner of the furniture, almost covered up by all the other frames.

I remember he saying to me, “all these photos are of my sister and this small one is mine.” It was a simple shot of him on college graduation day, standing at school entrance, smiling, and wearing a suit.

I don’t think his mom attended the ceremony (his sister did not obviously), because the mom detested her ex-spouse and couldn’t be where he was at the same time as her. She couldn’t put aside her way past personal matters and concentrate on her son’s achievement.

Even in important moments like this, if it had to do with him, she wouldn’t go the extra mile. But for her daughter, she would endure hell and back if needed to. The way each one was treated was incomprehensible and nauseating to me.

I felt sorry for him. He had achieved so much and what did his sister do to deserve so much attention? According to him, she hated her life back home, and after her first year of college decided to get married and go live abroad.

So she never even completed college and at one time took the tuition money to buy herself an expensive watch, which wasn’t questioned either by the father who was helping her with school.

It was a feeling that I shared that no matter how good one could do, it still wasn’t enough.

But her sister? It seemed that marrying a guy to run away from it all (and who had a moronic face on top of that), having a home and kids (and not working even if her life depended on it) was the way to go.

Having the situation that the mom’s health was at risk created another challenge, because they had to work together to get her the medical treatment that she needed.

The question was if they would be able to put their differences aside. Sadly, I learned the hard way that he was worse than me when it came to forgiveness, letting go and moving on with life, even more of saying, “I will never be or do something like that”.

Let’s say that besides not practicing what you preached, it’s about repeating other people’s way of existence and becoming a creature that not even your loved ones (repeat, loved ones) want to be with.

Friendship Above All 36 – Universal prank

Our friendship continued throughout high school without any setback. Our meetings occurred more due to a necessity, like me needing to get something at the pharmacy.

We both had things to do after school; I was active in school activities, tried to keep my long distance relationship going by sending my former BF letters and pictures of me, plus endless house chores that I was responsible for.

This guy worked every day at the pharmacy during the school week. Although his career goal was in another field, he learned al that he could about it and was helping his father manage it.

On occasions he would come to visit home to see my brother, but as the years progressed, we both concentrated more towards getting into college.

The ironic part was that I was an average student with good conduct and he was the opposite. He got notoriously popular for pranks he was pulling off, which got him in trouble far too long with the school administration.

I admired him for being daring, because I was insecure of coming out of my shell or doing anything that could affect my entrance to college.

One day we went to have lunch at a fast food place and he started telling me some of his stories. I couldn’t believe what he was doing; he wasn’t hurting or physically damaging anything, he was simply looking for attention as he candidly admitted.

Like me, our parents had gotten divorced and he was playing out the emotions he felt about it. What he expressed was harmless, but spoke volumes in other ways.

I kept listening to him and laughed a lot, amused by his creativity. But deep inside I envied him. In spite of having some parallels in our lives, I was keeping my emotions to myself. They were somewhat expressed through my letter writing and school clubs I was involved at. But I never had the audacity to really take a risk on anything close to his level.

He had also known what he wanted as a career from an early age. I had no idea what I was supposed to do all together. All I wanted to do was to graduate and come to college in the U.S. It was for me a secure way to run away from my current life and run into another, which future was as obscure as my present one.

And as always happened, the universe made itself present. It always had, but it has been a recent discovery of its ‘pranks’ in my existence.

While we were in the end part of our meal, and elderly man sitting at a table nearby would look at us from time to time. Of course I didn’t notice; I was feeling too sorry for myself.

When the man was almost done, he took a napkin and wrote something in it. Before leaving, he came to our table and handed it over to my friend. “Here’s something for you. Good night,” said he.

My friend and I got surprised. He read the napkin, smiled and laughed. He then handed it over to me; I don’t remember the exact words, but it had to do with my apparent beauty and how lucky this guy was of me being with him.

My reaction was a combination of puzzlement and surprise at what a total stranger had expressed about me. This would be one of many messages that literally dropped from the sky, or better yet, heaven, that would present to me when I needed it the most.

Back then I couldn’t grasp my true inner and outer essence, or that our friendship we were having, as well as the love and respect for each other, was also one of real beauty.

It’s heartbreaking sharing such a simple moment and think how we are now separated by an emotional distance that he chose to travel.

Perhaps the universe had another written message within the napkin. Maybe what my friend had told my former BF was also talking to him.

In other words, I could also slip away from him like sand between his fingers, and if I didn’t, consider yourself lucky.

Emotions Re-Act 9 – Face forward

I have no recollection of the first part of the day. What I do remember was that the brunch was at a hotel and we stayed there way into the late afternoon.

We were walking around the property and sat somewhere to talk, when something extraordinary happened.

No, it wasn’t romantic. Instead, I got sick as in ‘wasted’, ‘trashed’, whichever way you want to call it. It was the first time I was in a situation like this and it was really bad.

I may have been in college, but I never took a drink while underage. I had decided that I would stay away from trouble because I was far from home and knew my parents wouldn’t bail me out.

I was trying to hold myself together, but it got to a point he noticed I wasn’t looking that well.

He asked me if I was fine, and at first I said ‘yes’, but quickly switched to ‘no’. Don’t know how, but my head ended up resting on his lap.

I was so embarrassed I couldn’t look at him at his face. Darn it! I get to go out with this guy and this is how I get to impress him?

In spite of everything, he was completely at ease and didn’t seem upset at my condition. How nice, he was probably feeling sorry for me.

Then, the next ‘extraordinary’ event of the day occurred. Translation: I needed to throw up.

I turned my head and saw a wastebasket. I knew I wasn’t going to make it to the bathroom, so I ran to it. Oh my gosh, it was horrible, but it definitely made me feel better.

Incredibly, this guy was right behind me, giving me support. He treated this whole incident like it wasn’t such a big deal.

After I felt somewhat better, it was time to do nothing else but to leave. It was the end of this day and whatever chance of anything else happening beyond this point.

I don’t remember getting home, putting myself to bed or else.

The next day is another story. My mom questioned me why I got back at the time I did (which was?) and me having the face I had.

I didn’t tell her about the ‘incident’, and that we were just having fun.

She basically advised me to be careful at whatever I did, regardless of what guy it was.

Yes, mom, I know you’re right. And I’ll definitely think about what you said…when my hangover is gone.

Putting Yourself Online 23 – I know

Ivan did show up the next day. What was more surprising was that he arrived at a descent time at night.

I was shocked when I opened the door and saw him. You could tell by his face that something was going on that wasn’t good.

When he sat down he gave me the impression that he looked worn out, tired and nervous, almost as if life had aged him.

I started to wonder if I looked like that when my whole situation occurred. All I remember was that it was greatly overwhelming; so much that there are parts my mind have chosen to ‘block’ for my own wellbeing.

What can I say? I felt sorry for him.

Ivan sat on a chair and me on another, and he started to open up.

His girlfriend and him had an argument before she left, and there have been others before this one. In essence, certain issues have been getting more complicated because they have not been resolved, so tensions are running high.

He also said that some family members visited him recently. He had a disagreement with one of them the day they were flying out, which he greatly regretted.

What a mess! He seemed he was about to cry and I quickly sat next to him and held his hand.

“Hey, take it easy,” said I, “there’s as much as one can take.” Me holding his hand helped and he let out a huge breath.

“I know it’s never good to fight with those we love, but it happens. Distance and time changes us, many times for the bad. But all you got to do is speak with that person and clear things out. It was just a misunderstanding.

In regards to your girlfriend, maybe it was good that she went away for a few days. You should take the opportunity to think things over and talk, which you don’t like to do.”

Ivan kept saying ‘I know, I know’ but did not go into further details.

“I know you don’t like to talk much and even less share your feelings with me, but I’m here for you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

He gave me a warm hug before he left and thanked me for my support.

I became worried about him. He is not in a good place and it’s a lot dealing with all that by himself.

I know; I’ve been there.

The Accidental Cougar 12 – Living beyond your mean

Jeff and I kept communicating on and off for some time. We would talk on the phone or have extended conversations at my place.

With time, he started opening up to me. I got to understand why he was the why he was. He had experienced life on the edge; lived situations that were beyond his biological age.

They were ones that I can never imagine getting myself into, or know how I’ve would have handled them during the time that they occurred to him or if they would to me in the future.

But, the more he shared things, the more I grew to respect him.

I also felt sorry for him. A few times he got really emotional and that broke my heart. Although he had recovered from those bad moments, he was still deeply scarred and there was a pain within him that seemed to refuse to go away.

There were times when I wanted to reach out to him but couldn’t. In a certain manner I had lived a life much like his.

My marriage did not turn out as I hoped it would have, and many situations left me feeling that I also had lived way beyond my years.

I was deeply scarred as well, and my emotional pain was so bad it almost made me ‘emotionally challenged.’ It was so deep that I had lost some sense of empathy towards others.

But I did care about him and told him many times. But him, like me, had a hard time believing this from others.

Being hurt and in pain had become part of our lives. It had become second nature.

And what was this cougar playing in all this? I will say this: what we both lived made each other ageless. There wasn’t an age difference here.

But with his uncertain look at life, the cougar simply let him know that ‘hey, I’m still here. I’ve lived through it all and, although I’m down now, I will make it back to the top somehow.

You have lived enough to be practically my age. But if I survived it and still have a positive outlook for the future, so should you.’

Like I said, I did care about him. Hopefully I’m drilling some sense into him.