Looking Back 79 – And he’s a doctor…

After my last conversation with the beach guy, some months went by before I heard from him again. Incredibly, he finally called me back, like around 10pm at night. On top of that, he wanted to Facetime.

When I looked at him, he was sporting some sort of white beard that made him look much older than he is. His signature tan was in an all-time high for working non-stop at the marina. And as always, his talking was a no-filter one, but this time it was different from others.

He started with his usual “are you seeing anyone” question, to which I replied as always: ‘I’m working long hours (still remote), every other day I try go exercise, so not much time for that. And some people are polarized with the pandemic. I personally don’t want to be around others who are not vaccinated.’

He then screamed angrily, “I’m tired of talking about the pandemic!!!” What the hell, dude? He sounded like, wired.

He then proceeded to ask (using not exactly politically-correct words) something in the line of “don’t you feel ‘hot’ sometimes for not being with a guy?” I couldn’t believe how vulgar he was talking to me. I was looking at him through the phone and then looked away.

To be honest, that particular day had been hectic at work and I was going through a personal issue that was bringing me down. And then to top it off, having a conversation with someone who was much more interested in having a booty call than showing care about my overall health, made matters worse for me. And he’s a doctor…

He then continued to insist for me to take a medication that would ‘help’ my menopausal condition. I questioned him why take something if I’m not involved with anyone, plus dealing with the negative side effects that might affect my wellbeing (like uterine cancer).

And in his rambling to justify his insistence, I realized that it all had to do with him. If we ever get to see each other again, of course he wants me to ‘perform’ to his standards. He doesn’t care about me. It’s all about friends with benefits. And he’s a doctor…

When I tried to again explain my position, he replied with an upsetting tone, “that I always talked about the same thing of me not being able to meet people, how some attempts have failed miserably, or how at times I felt very alone.” That I needed to go places where I could meet people. And he’s a doctor….

He then gave me an example. That night before he called me, he went to have dinner after work. He sat at a bar and stroke a conversation with a woman. (He had a couple of drinks, which justified his tone of voice.)

When he was done, he thanked her, but didn’t ask for her phone number. He said that had he been “his old self”, he probably would have it taken it further than that. The woman was in shock, but didn’t say anything else.

I made very clear to him that I was in no position of going to no bar to “meet” unknown random guys (Did I told you this guy refuses to get vaccinated? And he’s a doctor…), and put myself in a position I’m not at all interested in pursuing.

He didn’t like my response. He kept pushing for the medication and me ‘going out into the world and do something more with my life.’ At no time did he ask me how I was really feeling. Was I sad? Was I lonely? Was I in need of any emotional support? No, no and no. And he’s a doctor…

Now I was really down (and kept looking down), to which he didn’t notice as he was paying attention to his home computer. I felt I was in the (virtual) presence of someone I didn’t recognize. Or do I?

I’ve always known about his ‘not so gentle at times’ personality. But today it rubbed me off so very badly. Maybe I always knew, maybe it was always there. Maybe I hoped too long for time to make some sort of miracle.

If anything good is to come out of this conversation, is that this was my last indicator for me to accept that this person is not serving any positive purpose in my existence in the present or future. Not a friendship, no shoulder to cry on, no nothing.

He showed no compassion, no warmth, no empathy, no support, no healing, nothing that could uplift my spirit. And he’s a doctor…

Looking Back 72 – Direct dial

As the months have passed by, I have stayed in contact with the beach guy every so often. I have no particular reason why. Maybe I feel for him for what he has gone through with his ‘sabbatical’. Or it could be that because I feel he has changed his way of being to what I used to remember him back in school, I am hoping to go down memory lane, even if for a few days, when me visiting him finally happens (if that).

I tried calling him on a random Friday night and when I didn’t get a response, decided to text him the next day.

Me: “Hey, I called you last night.”

Him: “By what method?”

Me: “Cellphone.”

Him: “I know, but straight dial or call through FB or WhatsApp?”

Me: “Straight dial. Next time I’ll do through the app.”

Him: “Nah, doesn’t matter. I just don’t understand why I missed it.”

Me: “I’ll try again later.”

Him: “Well, what time was that you called? I go to bed 9-9:30pm these days. Get up pretty early.”

Me: “Sometime after 10pm. You were probably asleep.”

Him: “Likely. Goes on to ‘do not disturb’ automatically… I’m in a call with my boss.”

I stopped texting to not distract him. In another time I had talked to him, he explained he was managing a marina (which is “right up my alley” as he said to me); not only was he dealing with the vessels and dock spaces, he was working towards making the location a much better option for outside boat owners, including renovating the recreational facilities and members club to attract a younger demographic. He sounded very enthusiastic about what he was doing and I was happy for him.

He was in the perfect location for the fresh restart he needed to get his life back on track: watercrafts (lots of them), the ocean, boaters he can get to know and network with. It’s an environment he’s an expert at and totally away from his medical days. It will take him a while to get to a place similar to what he had before, but he’s sure he’ll make it.

I think a day later, to my surprise, he returned my call. We didn’t chat much because he was hanging out with his kids and they always have priority, but was long enough to get up-to-date. I was glad and the next day decided to thank him.

Me: “Thanks for returning my call last night. You’re like a cat that always bounces back on its legs. And if your girlfriend thing wasn’t working out, so be it. I have disconnected from certain people that were toxic and don’t regret it. It was a good move for me. And regarding that guy I went to visit in your area, I’m not going to contemplate the impossible. The distance is a deal breaker. Not lucky here.”

(Here comes the repeated part he always says about our friendship; wait for it….)

Him: “Thanks for the encouragement. We’ve known each other for a really long time. I appreciate you and your friendship and anything else we have.” (I told you. He even went as far as sending an updated selfie.)

Me: “That’s so about knowing each other since adolescence. But people from that period still in my life? Can’t recall that many. You and I are like a love-hate relationship. We don’t have anything in common and yet there’s always this strange connection. You look good; working out?”

(I then sent him my own selfie.) Me: “This is from a few months back. My hair has gotten long.”

Him: “Wow. It has. I like it.”

Me: “Thanks. It has taken a life of its own. And I think this is the first time I don’t see you super tanned. (Duh, sabbatical, remember?)

It’s nice to be remembered in a good way considering we’ve never really been something other than perhaps ‘Sundays at the beach’ buddies. Whatever has happened is that we are connected, then disconnect for a while, and then happens again.

But being friends? Not sure. I think there’s this never-talked-about underlying chemistry. Or I’m just being nostalgic. Probably am.”

Yes, Emma, yes you are. You always say you’re over this guy and something always pulls you back in. Good thing the distance and time always works in your favor to revert all that, or does it?

 

 

 

 

Looking Back 71 – Case closed

The weekend came and finding myself with the need to speak to someone (especially now that pretty much everyone is stuck at home), I decided to give this guy a call, even though I thought I would later regret it.

I actually called two people at the same time using my regular phone line. My call to him eventually connected me to his voicemail and left him a message.

I got no response from either one, so the next day I texted them. They both said that their phone wasn’t showing a missed call. I then tried calling this guy thorough the app we’ve been using to chat with and replied he was on another call.

About 20 minutes later, he called back. Seeing his photo on my cellphone screen was an even bigger surprise because it has been quite long (probably a few years) since last hearing his voice.

Our conversation lasted over an hour and the topic that I was the most curious about – his so-called sabbatical – was finally revealed.

As I thought, yes, he went to federal prison (usually where people serving for ‘white-collar crimes’ go to), but only for 3 months. And that he surrendered his license late January.

I told him I felt that’s what happened because I had been reading the newspapers covering the situation, but didn’t want to be so insisting on him for being a delicate matter.

He explained that he just got back home from serving time and the reasons why his term got reduced are: one, after entering the facility, the court system had second thoughts about his case and felt he really didn’t need to be locked away. Two, the pandemic. Three, he medically saved one of the correctional officer’s life (“because it was the right thing to do”) and the warden took notice, who then advocated favorably on his defense.

I was happy to hear about his good deed, not because I was surprised by his actions, but because I know he has that characteristic within him. But with all that has happened and the way I feel he has changed to be borderline arrogant, as it happens, the bad always overshadows the good even if the later is way bigger than the first.

And that applies to me too. Forget about all the history between him and me that he always talks about. Once you get stuck only on the mistakes, going back to seeing the person as a whole with the good and bad is very difficult to do.

Regarding his professional license, he’s fine with that for the time being. He mentioned again about closing his practice and the biggest issue with having one, according to him, is that you’re always at risk for a patient suing you.

And I believe him. Nowadays you hear people saying ‘sue me’ near and far, and see TV commercials for lawyers willing to go after anyone on your behalf in exchange for some good settlement.

For now he’s involved in other non-medical business opportunities (involving the ocean/beaches, of course) and from the sound of it, they seem very promising. He also said he will work on getting his license back when the time is right.

When I mentioned that I had wondered if he had left to Italy (and gotten the passport) like he once said he would, he said that idea of leaving the U.S. for good is still in his mind. Even more, he wants to get a sailboat and go around the world, all the while practicing medicine in Europe.

He gave me all the details of the route he wants to take (which includes the Caribbean) and, once again, I got jealous of him. Why is he always the one that comes up with these amazingly planned ideas? It’s like the ‘running away and joining the circus’ scenario that you know it’s crazy, but deep inside we all wish we could do.

But, what else could you expect from ‘the beach guy’? The ocean has been part of his life his whole existence, going as far as competing in sailing events, one specifically around the island where we grew up. So this all second nature to him.

And if you can do it, why not? Which made me think, if I could choose anything, what would I do in my latter years? Hmm…

 

 

 

 

 

Looking Back 70 – What I’m seeing

A long weekend finally happened and I was desperate to get out of town and do a road trip within state. I had made plans to meet up with someone I hadn’t seen in decades and I was surely excited for the reunion.

Coincidentally, the beach guy’s hometown was around the area I was traveling to. Sure enough, letting him know about my travel crossed my mind. But with the past experience of me having asked him several times to visit him, to which he always gave me some excuse not to, plus his relationship, made it best not to say anything.

Besides, my focus was on the other guy, who at one point had been a close friend and a positive influence in my life. So my attention was to be destined entirely to him.

But even as I entered the city through its famous bridge and looked towards the water with excitement, I couldn’t help but think ‘he’s somewhere out there’.

As I got closer to my final destination and kept looking at his city name on the highway exits, it was even more tempting to contact him. But forgot about it as soon as I got to see my old friend.

A few days later after my return, I was curious to know how he would react to my nearly close encounter.

Me: “BTW, I was more less in your area this past long weekend, so I thought about you.”

(About a week later…)  Him: “Shoot, you were here?”

Me: “Not really.” (I mentioned my 30-years-in-the-making reunion and how I took advantage of the holiday to get the hell out of my city.) “Besides, I told you many times when you were single about visiting you and always said no. And now you have a girlfriend, so even more complicated.”

Him: “I don’t have a girlfriend. I’m single.” (Hmm, wonder if his ‘sabbatical’ had anything to do with it.)

Me: “So why do you still have a photo with her on Messenger?”

Him: “I do? My profile picture on social media has changed.”

I took a screenshot of the image I see on my messenger (the one that appears when searching his name), which is him cheek-to-cheek with the blonde GF, all very happy.

Him: “My photo is my dog. That one must be a contact picture in your phone.”

Me: “No, this is what I see when I look you up on Messenger. Your image on my phone list is different. Doesn’t matter. If now I can finally go visit you, let me know…” (which I’m sure you’re not going to say anything about.)

Him: “Well, I have to figure out how to change it. It should match the profile pic on my social, right?” (See, I told you…)

Me: “You’re asking the wrong person. Maybe because we’re not ‘friends’ has to do with it. But technology is not my forte.” (I think because I unfriended him, the photo that I see is the one he had on his profile at that time.)

He then send me a screenshot of a conversation with one of his children where he asked, ‘Question, what pic of me do you see on messenger? [GF’s name] and I or the dog?’ To which the reply was, ‘dog’.

Me: “Don’t know what to tell you. I’ll keep chatting with you through this other app and problem solved. I would imagine if we reconnect on social the photo will change.”

Him: “Ok. It’s just odd. That’s all.” (Wow, if you only gave this much attention to my request of visiting you.)

Me: “No worries. Maybe I’ll give you a call one of these days. Still have the same number?”

Him: “Yes.” (Well, this is another thing that hadn’t changed.)

So you’re probably wondering if I’m calling him. Well… maybe… Now that we’re stuck at home and getting in touch with everyone and anyone is the thing to do, it’s a 50-50 thing.

Half is because I’m curious of having a chat with him (especially because I’m desperate to find out the real story behind the ‘sabbatical’).

The other is that I know he won’t take my call and will reply via texts as he’s done before, even when he was still single, so I’m not into that. I will end up getting upset and feeling I wasted my time.

So what will be it be? …I’ll just sleep on it.

 

 

Looking Back 69 – Hello…

The last time I recall having any communication with ‘the beach guy’ was sometime last February. I sent him a follow-up text wondering what he finally decided to do about his temporary departure from the world. But again, no answer.

I did notice that the last time he was on the app was around the time of my last message. Even more, he had closed his social media account. Which made me believe he had surely ‘disconnected’.

It was around the same period that the pandemic situation was starting to get complicated, and me assuming he took off out of state (or maybe the nation), he was probably stuck somewhere that getting in touch with wasn’t happening for the next 12 months he said he was going to be away for.

The months passed and forgot about him, until I became curious about the outcome of his court case. I knew he had pleaded guilty to some charges, but wasn’t aware if there was any sentencing on this case.

I went online and found a newspaper article dated December of last year that read ‘he will serve 1 year and 1 day in federal prison’ and that ‘he was to surrender his medical license at the end of January’.

Then it really hit me: he’s on jail for for the exact time he said he would be away! Plus he lost his license! I was surprised and not surprised about him.

In my opinion he is one of those people that has always managed to be successful in all they do. And because they’ve never had failures, when they fall, they do really hard!

After thinking to myself all the bad words that described him and his situation, I then started to get concerned. It is a known fact that the worst place to be right now is on a jail, because you can’t practice distancing and an enclosed environment is ground zero for a virus to really get out of control. And if you don’t have the means to protect yourself, watch out! All I could do was to wish him to be safe.

And then… sometime late May; him: “Hello”. (Wait, what?? He held on to my last message? I think I was more in shock now.)

Me: “Hey!! Long time no hear! Where are you?

Him: “I’m in my city at the moment. Just got back into town last week.”

Me: “Done with your sabbatical? Where did you go?” (jail?). “You closed your social media.”

(Two days later…) Him: “I reactivated my account. I was on the northwestern part of the state.

Me: “Oh okay… doing your sabbatical?” (jail time?).

(The next day.) Him: “No. I’m done with my ‘sabbatical’.” (jail, right?) “I’m back in my county.”

Me: “Good. How is the virus affecting your business?”

Him: “Well, I was forced to move out of my location because the shopping center expanded another client’s space. I have not practiced medicine since January 31 and have been doing other things for income” (so the license thing did happen?). “I’m actually selling Covid testing stuff and it’s not bad.”

Me: “Sorry to hear that. Hope you can get back on track eventually.”

Him: “Sorry? Why? I was tired of running a practice.” (So the clinic closed around the same time as the license situation? What a coincidence.)

Me: “I mean, since you’re a doctor, thought it was disappointing.”

Him: “Nah. It’s a change and for now is good.”

Me: “If you feel good about it, that’s all that matters.”

Him: “Thank you. I’m actually working on Covid-19, so I’m doing good things for the community.”

Me: “I’m very happy to hear about that. We’re in need of people like you. Stay safe.”

How about that? My feeling is that he was in jail, the virus started happening and because he’s not a ‘menace to society’, they let him go. And because he’s a doctor, the more the reason for him to be ‘serving time’ somewhere else.

This is one of those ‘it will never happen’ moments when the world changed abruptly and now you’re getting a second chance to redeem yourself for good. Because, if he indeed was locked away and the pandemic hasn’t happened, he would still be there for sure. Talking about things going your way always! How more lucky can you be?

 

 

 

 

Looking Back 56 – Farewell note pt. 2

Just when I thought I had it all figured out with the beach guy, even of going as far as accepting his friend request once again on social media, he comes back to prove me wrong.

Case in point: I was checking my feed on a Sunday afternoon, when I come across a notification that such person had changed its profile picture.

It was a selfie he took using one hand while looking at the phone, while the other is placed in a woman’s forehead, specifically the one with the ultra-bleached hair I made a mention before. Their heads are touching together. She’s smiling and her eyes are closed. The caption reads: “Your head hurts?”

I was disappointed, but more calm than normally would, because I finally find out the real reason why he doesn’t want me going there. So him being entirely single is not as true as he said he was.

As I’m seeing it, he was keeping me ‘on the side’ because of the distance. I was a like a second option in case this chick, or anyone else there, didn’t work out. That’s why he kept the conversation and ‘pretty’ comments going so he wouldn’t lose me.

Perhaps he wanted to ‘go bi-coastal’ and be with 2 people at once. Like the saying goes: “The left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing.” Think about it. He could have pulled that off had it played it well. But him posting the photo was his downfall.

Me: “So who’s the blonde in your profile picture?”

Him: “Ah, she’s a girl that I just started hanging out with. Likely will turn into a GF. I’ve known her for a long time. And we hung out before.” (This is how one of those ‘gotcha’ moments look like when the person can’t get their story straight. And don’t try to downgrade the situation. You knew her before; said it yourself. She’s been floating in your gravity for a while.)

“She’s a lot of fun.” (Oouu! Did you notice the detail in this sentence? He said ‘fun’. That’s the exact thing the Cuban lady warned me about men during the cards reading [see ‘The Reading’ chapters under The Ex-Friend story]. She basically said guys don’t want any commitments with you, but for anything else, including going out and have good times, they’re in.

Analyzing this further, if this is the only positive thing he can say about her, “Run, Forrest, Run”.)

Me: “That’s why you don’t want me visiting you.”

Him: “Well that’s not the reason, although if she and I are exclusive, I’m sure she wouldn’t like that.”

Me: “And me saying I wanted to see you.”

Him: “OMG. You and I go back a long time. But you live so far, which makes a relationship hard. And I will never lie to you.”

Me: “Sounds like you did.”

Him: “Seriously?”

Me: “I asked you before if you were seeing anyone. How do you think I felt when I saw your photo? Whatever, I made a fool of myself.”

Him: “I wasn’t. You didn’t make a fool of yourself.”

Yes, I did that because, once again, I put my emotions out in the open, and thought maybe there was a possibility of something happening between us.

Reality is, he was clear in his position and I interpreted it differently. That’s what happens when we allow the past to influence us into thinking one can rewrite history and get the romantic ending you were hoping for.

Me (about 2 days later): “The fact that you reappeared after some years left me restless. From my part I always felt there was something that remained unfinished between us. But now I know it’s not. Regardless the reasons you have for us not seeing each other only shows there’s not enough interest. I’m not upset. I have learned things don’t always result like one wants. We may have a long history, but I’m the one who needs to move on and close chapter with you, which you always did.”

In other words, hadn’t I pursued him again, none of this would have happened.

Incredibly, he didn’t reply back. I also unfriended him. Copy that. Talking about ‘being on delay’ as he once said.

I sent another text sometime later to complete answering his last remarks.

Me: “I made a fool of myself because I thought you had some feelings for me. And forget the distance excuse. If you were interested in me, you would go the extra mile to make it happen. That’s how it goes.”

Still waiting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looking Back 55 – A trip down memory lane pt. 2

Memories are like flood water: they never stop once they start flowing.

Case in point, a former high school teacher of mine was commenting on social media that the school had created a promotional video which included several photos of students throughout the decades. One of them had members from my class and, you guessed it, I was one of those in the image. (Note: This happened way before the ‘beach guy’ recently resurfaced.)

I kept it saved on my smartphone for emotional purposes. I hadn’t seen it for a while, then one day it dawn on me that this guy was in the photo right before mine. I know it was him because that particular image was included in a yearbook, which I got a copy of back in the day.

Still, I looked at the video again and paused it to be sure. I mean, what were the chances that he and I would end up in it when this was put together?? Think about it. It was like one of those moments when I get the feeling that the universe is trying to tell me something. What specifically? Don’t know.

Me: “Hey, check out this promo video from school. You’re in it.”

Him (the next day late in the evening): “I like it.”

Me: “Was that you in the b&w photo? Did you see me?”

Him: “Yes and yes. I had hair. You’re so cute.”

Oh no, here we go again with him telling me I’m pretty. Is he trying to compensate for it, because he never did before? I kept looking at the sentence, wondering if to take the opportunity to tell him directly that I wanted to see him. But every time I did, I held back.

Honestly, it all felt like that scene from the ‘Sex and the City’ movie, where the main character is reading several emails from her former fiancé, and the last one reads: “I know I screwed it up – but I will love you forever.” She covers her face using her hands, then looks at the screen confused as to what to do next.

She then thinks to herself: “I wanted to call him, but our love, Carrie and Big, volumes 1, 2 and 3, stopped me.” My situation felt similar like this, except that he never used these words with me, and is short (maybe I should refer to him as ‘Mr. Small’ from now one).

Me: “Check out my hairstyle! (face with tears of joy emoji). You should show it to your kids.”

Him: “I will.”

Me: “The video makes me nostalgic” (hint, hint).

Him: “Yes it does. It’s a great promo video.”

Me: “It makes me want to see you, but easier said than done.” (There, I said it. Hint, hint, hint…)

We ended the texting shortly after, without him giving any replies to what I last said. It’s obvious that if he’s not taking the situation about us meeting, even when I’m using nostalgia, seriously, he won’t later on.

So what to do now? Honestly, I’m not into engaging in any of those ‘I said, you said’ arguments this time around, when his texts already expressed this underlying message: I’m into you, but not enough to go the extra mile.

If he was really interested in seeing me or having something beyond (whatever it is), he would have either called me by now, or be making plans to make it happen.

The distance excuse is not going to cut it. There’s people who have ‘moved heaven and earth’ to be with the one they love, and so can he.

He may argue that we have a past together, but has certainly given a lot more of himself to other women that he ever did to me, the one he says has great memories with.

The attention is in the details, and you’ve given me enough of them to prove my point.

 

 

 

 

Looking Back 54 – Special effects

The ‘beach guy’ may be busy with a patient, but did find time to go on vacation for the long weekend, where else to, but the beach. The Bahamas to be exact.

Of all the choices there are, it had to be in the same environment you practically live at every opportunity there is?

Him: “Trip was really good. I’m somewhat sore from the jet ski and a bit burned.” (He has spent so much time under the sun, he mentioned once that he has ‘a permanent tan’. He probably doesn’t even what his real skin color is.)

Me: “My weekend was quiet.”

Him: “Quiet is good.” (What does he mean exactly?)

Me: “Can be, yes.” “You don’t seem the quiet one” (especially after all the activity you probably had on the water).

Him: “Actually, I am.” (I replied with a thinking face emoji.) “Really.” (If you mean never calling, writing, having contact with me, or truly saying what’s on your mind, then I guess you are.)

Me: “Anyways, still busy with your patient?”

Him: “Just left there. But he’s getting better.”

Me: “Maybe you will have time for yourself soon.” (And hopefully me when you finally make it over here?)

Him: “I hope so. These days are too long for old me.” (He then sends a selfie. And, yes, he does look that.)

Me: “You’re not old. Just tired from the day.” (Another vacation perhaps?)

Him: “Ok. Whatever you say. You’re still beautiful.” (Why does he keep saying that? I didn’t even send a reply photo. It’s nice to be told things like this. But when they continue and nothing else happens afterwards, the ‘special effect’ doesn’t last anymore.)

Me: “That’s how life is. Everything changes. I could happily do with less pounds.”

Him: “You don’t look much different from what I remember.”

Me: “If we ever hit the beach together again you’ll see it. Reminiscence the old days.” (Hint, hint…)

Him: “I’m sure.” (Really? When?) “They were good, that’s for sure.”

Me: “Now things are not that easy to make happen. Especially with distance.”

Him: “That too.”

I kept throwing comments at him (especially those that could appeal to his emotions and memories), hoping he would take the bait. But it all boils down to a ‘lots of talk and no walk’ behavior he has always exhibited. In other words, it’s not happening anytime soon.

I know living 4 hours apart from each other is a problem. And I’m not a fan of long distance relationships either. But the ‘what if’ of then and now is still looming over my head.

And so is what the Cuban lady told me when she did the cards reading almost a year ago (see ‘The reading’ chapters under The Ex-Friend story). She correctly predicted that ‘a short guy that I already knew was to come back’.

Upon asking her ‘for what?’, she replied “para comer mierda” (to talk bullshit).

She even went further as to state very clearly that ‘nobody wants anything with anyone; nobody wants to give you anything; nobody cares about anything. To have fun with you and have a good time, yes, anything else, no.’

Meaning, this guy has no interests other than the already discussed ‘booty call’ or any activity that falls under the ‘friends with benefits’ category.

In other words, ‘girl, you’ve been warned.’ Time to pick up the cards and shuffle again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looking Back 51 – Night lights up

It has been a few weeks since the ‘beach guy’ resurfaced, so I was curious about him. I know his last text message had ‘booty call’ written all over it and that our last chatting some 2 years ago ended badly, but that’s the way I am. For me, there’s always something underlying here that I want to find out.

I know his behavior proved he’s still the same guy I remember from school, but you always wonder if even a slight behavior modification has occurred.

So I texted him ‘So what’s up with you?’ and waited for an answer. He replied a couple of hours later, stating that he was dealing with a cardio patient in a clinic in Ohio.

After the small talk exchange from both sides was done, he then said: “Well I’m sorry I missed you last time I was there.”

Me: “Next time tell me in advance and it might happen.”

Him: “Well it was a last minute trip. That’s how they usually are.”

Yep, still the same. Felt like saying, “Whatever. You couldn’t even call or text me during your 3+ hours drive that you were headed my way?” But I was in no mood to engage in a new ‘war of words’ that would lead to the same “I’m done” as before. So I didn’t comment on that.

Him: “What might happen 🙂 See you?”

Me: “Yeah if I can meet up with you.”

Him: “Awesome.”

OMG, what’s wrong with this guy? It’s obvious that if he continues to drop by unannounced and giving me a very small window of time to react, I will continue to decline his invitation. “Más claro no canta un gallo.”

The next day in the evening, we again exchanged some more random conversation. Around 10:30pm he sends me a selfie of his face, taken while lying down on the bed. ‘Man, you look old!’ was my first thought.

His facial expression was one I couldn’t quite figure out (so typical of him). Besides showing a serious tone, it was part ‘sleepy’, to perhaps ‘want to join me?’, to ‘like what you see?’, to ‘I want to say something nice to you, but will never tell’, to ‘I was an idiot letting you go’. I know I could have asked him his thoughts, but since he’s hard to decipher, I again left it at that.

I then debated if I should do the same about the selfie. Thought ‘why not?’ and sent it, but I was smiling in it.

Him: “You are so pretty as always.”

Wow, that comment really took me back to the past, when one day he would be super nice to me at the beach, giving me the illusion that he was into me, to then ignoring me completely at school, making me feel rejected and confused. I replied only with ‘Thanks’.

Have to admit that it moved me. It has been a while since any guy have said anything nice to me (the closest is LZ1 – see the Road Less Traveled story). And with all I’ve gone through, it surely made my night.

But thought what I should have really told him was “if you like what you see, you should put a ring on it”, as in ‘here’s your chance now’.

But that’s something I will probably never get to see, unless he’s waiting for me to do that. I mean, I was the one who invited him to come my way multiple times with no success. Hmm, that’s probably because he’s seeing somebody.

Got to get an update on this before I make my next move (or not)!