Looking Back 41 – Emotional trip

The long Valentine’s weekend came and I had no romantic plans for it. I know the whole thing is a cliché when you’re supposed to show your love and appreciation to your loved ones at all times.

Still, there were some instances where I had the thoughts that I’ve been single for quite a while, and only a few guys from past and present are worth rekindling on.

The weather had also turned quite cold, which felt like a correlation of how I saw my love life to be. But as in everything, it changes and one must adapt to it or succumb.

What I decided to do was to dedicate the weekend to myself, even if it meant doing totally unrelated ‘me time’ things like laundry. I wanted to rest as well, and even take advantage of store sales. The goal was doing things that made me feel good.

So I planned out my weekend: Saturday was for laundry and ironing; Sunday, supermarket, church, taking care of anything else; Monday, relax and hairdresser.

Saturday evolved as planned. Didn’t left my apartment the whole day, so I tried my best to enjoy it as best as I could in spite of not having an invite. I didn’t even mind the ironing when a good movie was on TV.

I made myself some dinner, showered and watched more TV in bed. My clean sheets felt great and nothing else mattered to me.

I was falling asleep closed to midnight when… I get a text from the beach guy.

‘Hey, happy valentine’s day. Hope you had a good day,’ wrote he.

‘Same to you. Stayed home doing laundry and I’m having a date with my bed.’

‘I was home all day as well. Spent the evening with my daughter who’s BF is out of town.’

‘At least you have company.’

‘You want me to visit you?’

‘That would be nice, but the distance is brutal.’

‘It is; what’s your address?’

‘What? You should have it stored in your GPS.’

‘Just trying to figure out the drive time silly. I have a new phone, new car, even new underwear.’

Whoa, whoa; hold your horses! This is just too much and I’m not talking about him trying to drive over here, and arriving at what time exactly?

And what about the new car and underwear? A new toy on top of all those you already have? Why? This sounds to me like you have a huge emotional void that just doesn’t get resolved.

If such is the case, then I should feel happy for myself. I think I have the material possessions that I need at the moment, and take care a lot of them until it’s time to part from them.

Honestly, I’m not liking the comment the more I think about it. The word ‘arrogance’ keeps circling my mind and it’s gaining momentum.

Then there’s the thing with the underwear. If we were back in high school, for sure I would be interested in looking at them with that great body you used to sport.

But now, no thank you. I think I can find more interesting ones to look at on the Internet, for free!

This all translates that if he comes here, I know I will get upset when I see the car. Fine, I know my insecurities will surface, so might as well put a stop to this ego trip before I get really upset.

What will I do about it? Nothing; I’ll just sleep over it.

Another cougar moment 15 – Taking the bull

Sometime in the afternoon I get another text message.

‘I’m in town. Wanted to say hello to the most beautiful girl in town.’

‘Who is this Jesse?’

‘YeAh’ (Yeah or ‘yehaa’. Oh no, I have a feeling he’s going to say he wants to see me.

‘How long are you in town for?’

‘Leaving later today unfortunately.’ (Now it’s my turn: yehaa!)

(Hold your horses) ‘After I see you’ texted he.

Instead of getting a bombed dropped on me, I felt instead that I got lassoed. So, how do I take the bull by the horns or, better yet, untangle from this situation?

‘Not at home right now. What time is your flight?’

‘I drove.’ (this sounds so spring break.) ‘I can leave whenever.’

I felt the bull was headed straight at me. ‘I will call you later; not at home.’

‘I would really like to see you.’

No, not again. I mean, I was really not at home and was not going to stop what I was doing to accommodate him, and then he decides to show up at the wee hours of the morning? Forget that!

This is what I’ll do. Later on in the day I will text him back, when he has already left. (I would imagine he would leave at a descent time before dark.) Then he will say he’s already gone, and I will be ‘saved’ instead of turning him down again. (Good enough.)

Besides, even if I had all the time in the world, I don’t think it’s worth the effort to see him. It’s done, over with. He needs to go back home and continue his life.

Hopefully he won’t call, especially while driving, and at a time that’s not 3am.